Hierarchy Of Credibility

Today I'm going to write about a hierarchy of credibility when talking about my condition and abilities.

"The more paranormal the subject you are describing, the more careful you must be in order to seem sane to others!"

The topic of this post came to me as I was thinking about my condition. Simply put, it's easiest to talk about the most accessible areas of my experience first, this forms the base of the hierarchy, which we could say is in the shape of a pyramid. The next layer up is smaller, less accessible, and finally the highest layer is smaller still, and is the least credible reality.

• The Base: Something believable to many, thanks to the likes of Colin Fry and Gordon Smith and so on; I can tell people that I know my deceased dad is around me in spirit every day. In further detail, I can say that I believe it is possible to stay in touch with the departed, and describe mediumship as a natural ability available to all, and I can say that my family and friends in Heaven are around me in spirit every day. This is a common spiritualist reality, and not too challenging for others to take in if they themselves are reasonable beings but not very actively spiritual. In summary: I am in touch with the departed (and hear their voices in my mind).
• Layer 2: Okay so I may have neglected to say about the Base Level that I am in close contact with Person X and Person Y who were famous in their lifetimes and who are serving me in their continuing mission of Love from their celestial vantage points... but that may vary on how open a person seems to be to my description of the base Level scenario. Now on to Layer 2...: Usually accounts of this layer may be reserved for curious and disbelieving close family, for people in the spiritualist community (I mean those of Spiritualist Churches) and thirdly for spiritual healing professionals, such as the local 'shaman' / Reiki practitioner / crystal healer. These people I tell: I have ghosts around me (and I can hear their voices in my mind).
• Layer 3: ...is controversial. OK, mediumship; OK, ghosts. Not too bad, not too incredible: mediumship is part of our culture now, and ghosts have been part of our common folklore seemingly forever. Now we get controversial, and the territory is not very clearly mapped out, the territory is hard to describe to others. Baffling to interested close family, and disbelieved, refuted by the psychiatrist - and even by some spiritual healing practitioners (one I saw). I experience disturbance at the mental level from some spirits. [I won't call them lower spirits, or refer to them as being of the 'Dark Side' (the darker portion of the spirit world), nor will I call them demons for convenience, these are spirits of human beings created by the same God as created me]. This part of our culture has passed into the realms of forgotten and shunned superstition, and as a result there is no kind of credence for it commonly in society and formally in medicine. Which is OK, in ways - less superstition can be a good thing - but less safety is not a good thing. So one spiritual healing practitioner could not see in my aura any signs of attack; but another was able to notice signs of interference to two of my chakras (to the crown and solar plexus chakras). (Why the discrepancy between the observations of the two healing professionals? It is mysterious; of course I side with the person who was able to detect signs of attack, corroborating my inner experience).

There are no other layers to this pyramid.
I am lucky that the spirit disturbance is not worse than it is. It's like a serious form of annoyance, a form of psychic attack. Although in disturbing my thoughts the spirits 'possess' my thinking, they do not fully 'possess' me. Secondly the degree of evil could be worse: the attack is focused on me to injure me, but its evil is not often extreme.

It has been valuable to me to clarify this hierarchy, I hope you benefit from it too. Although things can seem incredible, they can still be true. In a world of divided belief, you must stand up for what is real to you, and you must find someone able to help you, of whom there are many.

Spiritual Help

I have spiritually seen Mother Teresa near me, once, though I had not asked for her help; similarly I have seen Padre Pio near me, though I had not asked for his help. (When people ascend to Heaven, they love to serve those of us on the Earth plane). Also Swami Yogananda came near me one day, I could dimly see and sense where he was in the room, and I clearly heard his voice say that he would help me by warding off evil.

So I am helped.

Plus there is something like a legion of helpers who are with me every day, laughing and joking with me about every little ordinary thing. I can say that I have friends from Heaven, who I have sent out loving thoughts to by way of appreciation of their Earthly work, who have come to me and are in attendance to me daily, and these friends were often famous people when alive! This is real.
I also have family members in spirit who intermingle with the other celestial friends in being by my side and making me cheerful and making me feel loved. So thanks to all of them.


Now then, we come to an interesting matter.

I have read of angels that are supposed to come and 'clear' your spiritual space when requested, for example the Archangel Michael, or the Archangel Azrael. Archangel Michael is a very popular spiritual force among new spiritual movements today, however getting his help is not so easy. I now tend to believe in angels, but think that archangels are a biblical invention. (There energies may be real though, because of many people believing in them - a complicated idea, but apparently this can happen).
I like thinking of angels, its strengthening, but I haven't been noticeably helped by them when I've asked for protection.

The biggest amount of prayers have gone out to God. Spiritual problem, spiritual solution. Well, God has not interned to stop this spiritual intrusion into my mind.
Recently I looked back through some journals I wrote when I first got ill, and for some years prayers for intervention were very common on those pages; re-reading them I felt bitter. This is a problem - wishing for help, needing help, and getting no help.
Why doesn't God help? I read God said he will not help if we can help ourselves. Since I cannot help myself in these matters, it must be that some other human can help.
Secondly, I realised that God knows what's best for me. They say that if you don't get something you wish for, then it must be in your best interests not to have it. Also, in the Christian Bible it says that God knows what we need before we ask for it. In other words, again, God knows what's good for us; there's comfort in thinking that God is fully aware of whatever trials and suffering we may be going through.
Some say that all Creation is God, so when you suffer, God is right there with you; although the Divine Spirit that is God is beyond suffering, It is absolutely aware of what we experience.
It's very difficult when God does not take away pain and tribulation, but I suppose when things are like that, we have to try something else.

It's a comfort to think that everything changes, that change finds every situation, so that either the condition leaves me, or, eventually, I leave the condition!

Metaphysically speaking, whatever we focus on grows. We are naturally creative, and we are always creating. Better then not to dwell on difficulty when we can avoid it, but to change the subject and focus our minds on some promising new direction in our lives. (This is metaphysical teaching, not my opinion).

Lastly, the fact that God does not intervene when asked, even if he is 'supposed' to, according to spiritual texts, says something. It says something about the texts and it says something about God, Life and the World. It says that the world is a powerful place, and calls us to be powerful too. It says that, surely, if God does not help, that we can help ourselves, that we are strong enough. We are strong enough to face this! It is very important that we develop the mind of the victor, of the powerful one, and not of the victim, the one who loses again and again. It is essential that we cultivate powerfulness by admiring our strengths, congratulating ourselves on our bravery, surrounding ourselves with positive imagery, by speaking positively, and by affirming that God has made us with some of his own Almighty Spirit inside. We are powerful.

I suppose I have something to learn about power. Psychic attack is essentially a power struggle, a solar plexus chakra issue, dealing with ways of relating to others, and it teaches good ways to hold our divine power. The ideal is to raise our energy, to not be angry and push and pull in aggression, but to flow and come from the heart. Jesus says that God is perfect, that God's heart is always open to us, and that when our hearts are open even to those who wish to be an enemy, then we are perfect too [The Sermon On The Mount]. As I deal with this life issue of psychic attack, I will surely increase my awareness of my own power.

We do not defeat a monster by fearing it, but by summoning our own heroism to the surface. Psychic attack by spirits could be seen as a scary reality, but it is one I have to deal with. I can get help from other people, where they are spiritual adepts, but this is very much a reality I have to deal with. Good luck finding your power and your heroic self.

Thought Force And A Detailed Explanation Of the Possiblities It Entails

Thought force is the ability of one mind to affect another.

No one person is an island to themselves, John Donne said. And so it is energetically. We are sensitive to love - and fear, generated by other people.

• One's mood can be negatively affected by another bearing us resentment
• Our thought processes can be negatively affected by another bearing us resentment
• We can be overcome by a flow of negative energy directed at us to the point that another's internal voice may enter our awareness, bearing words of ill-will.

And logically it follows that the more spiritually sensitive and spiritually vulnerable you are, the greater the danger of being negatively affected by thought force. Sensitivity is being easily aware of psychic influences, and vulnerability is more like conditional sensitivity, for example because of drug-taking. That's my belief.
I wonder how many people in the world are living with depression (or schizophrenic-type symptoms) through external spiritual influences? Can we add 'paranomal depression' to the list with 'paranormal schizophrenia' on it?


I believe it may be that thought force can cause a period of depression over the long-term.
I also believe that by 'generating a positive karma' , one can turn around these negative effects of thought force. Having given out a negative influence, possibly, one receives a negative response. Perhaps this negative response is enough to attract negativity arbitrarily. A solution would then be to start attracting positivity, to generate a positive creative magnetism. How? By giving. By giving good things. This is just a theory, but the more I give, the brighter I feel, the luckier I feel, and I feel myself to be more in good graces. But this theory does make sense. If you feel cursed, do, write, say or think something to feel blessed - and it is likely that a mere thought won't be enough, given the circumstances, so preferably do something tangible, out in the physical world. [PS "Creative Magnetism" defined: you can find out about the metaphysical fact of our natural creativity in many sources,- and one would be the famous book The Secret]. Wearing a talisman may help you - if you feel it is appropriate, one that bears a symbol that strengthens you when you remember it.

To the degree that one feels a depression to come from outside, if you are feeling emotions which, on analysis, you don't think are actually yours, but are perhaps being imposed from outside, don't own those feelings, in a loving and assertive way; affirm that they are not yours, that you are not responsible for them and are not required to change them. This could lift the weight on your emotions. Monitor your feelings to ensure you are not suffering under another's energy and that you are not trying to 'shift' something whose centre/'centre of gravity' is outside your sphere of influence.

If you are incapacitated by psychic ill will, as I have been (this sounds strange! but I mean in the general sense through the spiritual attacks), then it is likely your sphere of influence is very mental, and inward-looking. Better to have a more physical-centred state of awareness, (being grounded [see earlier post]), and to have a balanced state of receiving and giving too, interacting with others in a positive way, because there are always repercussions, and acting responsibly and positively draws back positivity to you. You become surrounded with light that dispels darkness.



All the indicators for me are pointing to the notion that, for my own good, I should start generating a positive energy around me, through genuine acts of giving, through engaging in practical positive interactions with humanity.



A brief summary:
1) 'thought force' is real
2) it seems possible that thought force can contribute to a negative creative magnetism and depression
3) it seems likely that we can change what energy we attract through giving.

Still Banging This Drum: Competing Realities

New clarity: that mine is a spiritual world-view, and is opposed to a material world-view.


Would my psychiatrist claim that there are only five senses if he had ever heard or seen or sensed with his mind directly? No,  not likely.
His is a clear material view. No God, no soul, simply a mind, five senses and a body, that's it. That's reality.


Oppositely, the spiritual world-view includes

A Deity / Deities
The individual soul and perseverance of the soul into eternity
The ability to sense spiritual reality (of God/ spirits) with the mind directly

and much more (for example, beliefs in reincarnation).

I'm quite happy with my world-view. I believe it entirely. OK, honestly, the weight of authority against me occasionally makes me wonder if I am hallucinating everything, but only for an instant. then I come back to all the friendly interactions I have. the interactions I have are mostly friendly, anyway, usually from allies from Heaven, of friends and family who have transcended to the spiritual life.


Lets look at this carefully:

Most people are not actively spiritually sensitive.
Many people call themselves spiritual but have little or no knowledge of the detail of life and the Other World that someone who has researched spiritual sensitivity has, for example a member of a Spiritualist Church.

This places spiritually sensitive people in a minority, and makes those not sensitive largely ignorant of some aspects of life.
One step further from religious beliefs, which are so common - one step further than arguments over the existence of God is the reality of the spiritually sensitive, partly hemmed in by skeptics and James Randls. As I said, I'm quite happy with my world-view. It's a good world, largely, with all its love, friendship and hope.

And need it be said that one step further from spiritualism (holding a spiritual world-view and believing in/possessing spiritual sensitivity) is any manner of conditions characterised by suffering from negative spiritual interactions. The rarity of this kind of suffering makes it so much less credible to most, though no less real. As I said in a recent post, spiritual teachers often advocate methods of spiritual self-protection, such as shielding.

For a spiritual problem, it is necessary to find a spiritual solution. Thus probably devaluing the interventions of medical psychiatry. (My psychiatrist has agreed to me cutting down on anti-psychotic medicine, as I have told him I would like to try life without it; I believe that I will be well, better off emotionally, and able to cope with my suffering - I don't think I absolutely need the medicine. But medicine is a tricky issue - always take the utmost care and make important decisions with your supervising professional). It is likely not going to help going to a materialist for help with your spiritual problem. I know how it feels to be told you are ill when you are crying out for help, - to be ignored and made wrong. There are many professional spiritual 'helaers' who can deal with problems due to negative spiritual interactions. I have found a number of such individuals in London, who I have on a list to see. I have been living with Earthbound spirit-people for years, have come to a full awareness of the fact, and am ready to deal with it, and will see atop UK professional in the area of spirit release this winter. I will record the results of that here on this blog, of course -and if she is unable to help, I will find someone else, and so on until I can get a solution.

So, I'm going to dare to say it: if you feel sure that you are suffering from spiritual problems based on negative interactions, or something similar, and people tell you you are insane, get a second opinion. There are in fact an abundance of people who can help. The people who can help you will be those who hold a spiritual world-view and believe in the reality of 'extra-sensory perception'. You can be well.

The Rarity of Problematic Spiritual Interactions Discussed

I just wrote in my last post that what I experience, that looks like classic delusions of  persecution, and seems like a reality of negative spiritual interactions, is rare. It is rare for people to be 'spiritually disturbed' (that's disturbed as in 'bothered' by mischievous or malevolent human beings in spirit). I believe it is rare. As I have said that's why it's paranormal, meaning 'beyond' normal. However in the subculture of those who are spiritual and having spiritual sensory perception, it is common for teachers to mention protection.

Being 'grounded' is important for psychic safety. This means having a close energetic connection with Earth and being grounded in everyday reality and the physical.
Secondly shielding is used, whereby a person can visualise spiritual light coming around them, often recommended to be in the shape of a large bubble or egg shape to fill the biofield; this has the purpose of dispelling darkness of all forms (including keeping at bay undesirable spiritual influences).
It's that simple.

Or is it? I have been fairly neglectful of shielding. I do it occasionally, but there is something in me that makes it difficult, enough to want to avoid trying. To be honest, it can seem as though this ability in me is weak because it is externally blocked; I may come to practice this more and develop the ability to be a strong visualiser.
Shielding is recommended for spiritual safety, as the very occurrence of visualising light around the self attracts that spiritual light to you and naturally keeps you safe and happy.


So an important point here is that spiritual teachers often recommend that we take care, to defend us from spiritual dangers, which can strike the uninitiated. One thing they will say is that drug-taking (which coincided with my problems) can be dangerous, spiritual, and I would add that the more naturally sensitive you are as a person (even if that sensitivity has not hitherto awakened) the more you should take care to avoid drug use.

When you find a website on psychic development, very often, it seems, the teachers on that website will recommend that you consciously clean the aura with visualisation, shield it, ground and stay safe. So is spiritual danger such a rarity? Clearly it is still something to be countered, even if it is relatively rare that people get bothered by spirits, entities and stuck energies.

I don't think it's just 'being spiritually sensitive' [I prefer not to say 'psychic', for clarity, as this term can be used to mean 'of the mind/soul'] that endangers a person. I think there is another element. I'd say most spiritual and sensitive people don't have problems with troublesome beings and the like. I think there must be an added element of vulnerability, perhaps in the strength, or want of it, in an individual's aura. Or perhaps some people develop great sensitivity somehow, whether through drug-taking or natural awakening, and this exposes them to danger, when uninitiated. (Being initiated means that you know you something, and here it means that you know how to be safe, for example through grounding and shielding and avoiding spiritually unsafe habits.)

Different people have different spiritual gifts, some sensing vibrations of trees and people, for example. others being able to sense atmospheres in a room. As you will know by now, my gift is to hear the voices of people in Heaven, and of Earthbound spirits [(ghosts)], and my trouble is picking up the attention of spirits in part-ascension [stuck in their spiritual evolution and focusing attention of discontent on the earth plane]. I'm not lucky enough to feel vibrations or atmospheres, but I know people who can. I call these gifts, because 'when horse is before cart' (and not vice versa), these abilities truly are gifts, that we carry into physical existence and that can serve ourselves and other people.

I know that you can be very afraid reading about spiritual 'bogies', and I think this needn't be. In this universe (and in any universe), beings are supposed ot be safe and live happily; this is the natural direction of things. However, different levels of sensitivity, I think, come with different degrees of difficulty, although most will not be affected. You have to find what's right for you. I don't even like to think about some things that are supposed to be out there (in the ether), as a way of not attracting them to me. For me, I stick to positivity and hope. That's my solution. You may feel instant benefit from 'shielding'. You may find someone to help you heal first time seeing them. You may need to seek solitude and pray and fast. Something will work whatever your situation.
They say "the mills of the gods grind slow, but they grind small" - it may take time, but when things are better, they will be very good. I have read that life can move in large cycles, over several years. It may be that you have to 'play at Odysseus', and be vulnerable for some time before things get ironed out - but then you will be very strong and happy, and know that your sensitivity is a gift.

So Happy - Read Me!

It might seem like a minor thing, but I was overjoyed to see a statistic on my blog. It seems I have a readership!

I don't have a proper 'stat counter' (yet), but I do have AdSense turned on, and so I saw that I gained a click as a reader clicked onto another site from Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!

I am so happy. thank you to my readers. I see in this that what I am doing is valued, and that is worth much.

I feel I have something to offer, being able to write here for the world about an unusual condition, of schizophrenia fused with spiritual awakening and the rarity of problematic spiritual interactions. Either I help those who can identify with me, or I help further students of the evolving medical movement that is psychology.

                                               T H A N K    Y O U,   R E A D E R S!  

Clarity

I am aware that my clarity changes. I am aware that sometimes my writing is more credible than at other times, I guess due to my mood on the days that I write; sometimes I am able to write more clearly.

My writing here is often persuasive, and because it can be hard to talk about what is a marginal reality, some days the writing accomplishes the opposite of what is intended. My intention is to create a case for a different interpretation of my condition to the diagnosis of psychosis given by medical psychiatrists.

Secondly, my writing on this blog has caused my world-view to evolve. You may have noticed that I began talking about those spirits who disturb me as being like 'demons', because of their influence, and then I progressed into a less inflammatory and more compassionate terminology, now seeing those human beings as ones who have forgotten their nature as divine entities.
This forum for writing is changing my point of view, causing a 'clarification' of my perspective.

Why does my clarity fluctuate otherwise? This is an interesting indication, I suppose of the condition of us all, that our mood and clarity changes daily with depression, with alertness, with food intake and exercise - and with emotion, so that sometimes I may write more subjectively, and at other time with more clarity.

Cannabis and Schizophrenia: Drug Controversy

I've given conflicting messages on this blog, and I'd now like to sort them out.


In one post I say that psychoactive drugs can be used responsibly in some conditions, and are beneficial to humanity under those conditions. In another post I write that psychoactive drugs can cause insanity (as they certainly did in me).

That psychoactive drugs can cause insanity is a medical fact. Another fact is that this is not the cause for everyone, but for those with a history of mental illness in themselves or their family, and those with a genetic predisposition to insanity - others may not have problems with their sanity and go on to give the taking of psychoactive drugs its reputation for being a worthwhile pursuit. But even those who remain mostly sane can suffer from addiction, and all manner of side effects such as poverty and criminality and social rejection and even death.
So there are two things being said there - that psychoactive drugs can A) cause insanity, but B) not in everyone. But I'm not a doctor. All I know is what I've read and what happened to me. However, if I had a child who wished to take psychoactive drugs, and I couldn't stop them from doing so, I'd wish them to be careful.


South Carolina, Switzerland and Israel are currently experimenting with psychedelics... see the bottom section of the Wikipedia page on psychedelic therapy . It may be that this becomes a mainstream way of helping people cope with death, trauma and other serious aspects of the human condition. I don't know much about these experiments, but presume that low doses are being used to avoid causing mental illness. Lets not forget that medicinal use of cannabis to relieve pain is permitted in parts of the world (I just wonder how those users cope with the health risk - and then how governments cope with the risk of being sued for damages by those who become permanently and incurably insane from using prescription medicines).

One factor that emerged from psychedelic research was that set and setting are important. This amounts to being careful what circumstances you take a drug in and how you are mentally prepared for the occasion. The theory is that correct set and setting will minimise the danger of adverse psychological reactions to a drug. So if that dear loved one of mine were wishing to find out what a psychoactive drug is like, and I couldn't stop them, I'd wish for them to take care of the set and setting of use.

Many psychoactive drugs have a history of indigenous use around the world, but we don't know much about their health - presumably those many cultures believed the benefits to outweigh the risks.

I believe that the correct set and setting would emphasise the aesthetic whilst reducing stressors, including the subject engaging only with people they wholly and habitually trust.


I'll say again, this discussion should not be thrown away on the grounds of it being controversial, it should not be condemned but approached with an open mind: limited legality of psychedelic drugs may become a fact of life, to treat serious medical conditions. Like morphine versus heroin, there may be permitted use of psychedelics while a street culture of use continues. Perhaps psychedelic therapy will lead to an understanding
that asylums for the mentally ill should likewise have the optimum set and setting, - emphasising the aesthetic while limiting stressors within a social situation of pure kindness and trust.

This does not come down to a pro- or anti-drug stance on my behalf. I've said before that our maturity in handling psychedelics is variable, as a species. Secondly misuse of psychedelics is extremely costly, both to the self and the society that cares for the self. But is there a place for psychoactive drugs in society? We will see.

Why I Am Ill

I became ill because of intensive use of the intoxicant cannabis.

I was always well before. I was a fairly good student who got good grades. I smoked cannabis with friends, then with one other person, then alone, using it heavily over an eleven month period.
Cannabis brought me great heights of suffering in hallucinations that lasted weeks, and has brought me great widths of suffering off and on through every day over TEN years. Almost all my adult life has been changed through using cannabis.
Cannabis induced schizophrenia in me - besides the spiritual awakening induced by the mystical properties of the intoxicant, cannabis induced schizophrenia in me.

I will never use the intoxicant cannabis again.


Cannabis is not without side effects even if it does not trigger psychosis, whether through slowing the mind down as the medical advocates say, or through polluting and weakening the aura as the spiritual advocates say. Still, one puff can trigger depression (as it did in Goldie Hawn), and there is much evidence that heavy use by youths and young adults leads to schizophrenia, which I can tell you is a very serious health problem. I do not doubt that cannabis can cause schizophrenia.

I am also ill because I became psychologically dependent on cannabis, believing that it was the gateway to feeling the love of God and being unified with God. As more valuable experiences came to me, the more dependent I became, but I also became more sick.
Looking beyond the purported psychological effects of taking any psychoactive drug, you can always still know God by safe means.

Prognosis

1) My illness is steadily being ironed out.

I owe a lot to anti-psychotics (but they owe me some, too). They helped me get over delusions, but they have also been dangerous - they were as bad as cannabis in producing a psychotic break when I stopped taking my medicine suddenly (through stress).

Still I'm left with painful 'symptoms' of mental suffering - and the doc won't prescribe me any tranquillisers to take away the considerable pain - again good and bad, no addiction, but still some extremely painful and difficult days.

2) I think I've done myself enough psychic damage to last me most of my life - I think spiritually it will be a long time before I recover. Read this for a spiritual perspective into the psychic damage that can be caused by cannabis use. It's not just the psychiatrists who warn us not to use cannabis.

I think, in twelve years and more, at the current rate of progress, I should be free of mental intrusion from the astral.
I feel it could be another thirty years before I integrate the psychic changes that using cannabis intensively has caused me, but by then I should be quite highly developed as a psychic. We'll see. I'd also like to give something back to society in the mean time, if possible.

"Delusions Of Reference": What It's Like On The Inside

Delusions of reference, as I understand it, is when you watch TV or films, or listen to music or the radio etc, and think that there is some personal communication going on between you and the media involved, when there isn't.

When I get this, I feel a surge of force coming in apparently from outside me, with hostile intent attached to said force, and then some negativity will leave me like an arrow fired from a bow - and the negativity will be some very deprecating observation intended to cause emotional injury, and this apparent communication occurs more on a dimension of knowing than on a verbal telepathic basis.


OK, so in the spiritual outlook, people have varying degrees of sensitivity. Some people may be aware of being stared at from behind (the famous scenario when you're sitting on the bus/train and feel someone reading your newspaper over your shoulder). Some people may be responsive to others brooding over their personal faults. Some people can go through life, living three score and ten years, and never have a psychic spiritual experience of any kind. Then you have Colin Fry, Gordon Smith, Derek Acorah - the fully-functioning mediums, people born with great spiritual sensitivity. Me? I claim to be clairaudient, and disagree that 'hearing voices' is always a sign that a brain is malfunctioning and producing perceptual distortions/auditory hallucinations. I also believe in telepathy, which is some form of direct mind-to-mind communication. Most often it is supposed to occur under episodes of heightened emotion, and even then it depends upon someone sensitive to 'send' the thought. With me, I feel psychically 'naked' in public, as if my telepathic side is broken, and some of my mental energy is forced out of me. This is more pronounced when watching television, listening to radio and so on, and I most often have a sense of interference so that a hostile energy causes me to make a telepathic connection. I usually feel that some connection is made, so I avoid mass media, to keep my karma good (!!).


If you were following this, I may have lost you in the last paragraph. Surely if everyone schizophrenic is watching a TV program, they can't all be telepathically communicating with, say, the presenter?
Well, I can only say that the interference of  a hostile person seems real, the negativity most likely feels like it does engage with the intended person. [By the way, the same interference on a knowing level occurs to injure me, normally, when the disturbance is more distant than 'local' (local being negative interactions with 'ghosts' around me)]. I wish it were not so. I like watching TV and films at will, but I abstain, partly because I believe that a disturbance is happening, and partly because I don't like the experience of having intrusion and interference. I don't think that my situation is so common. When I have these moments of intrusion and manipulation of my mind, the forces involved are very powerful. Likewise, when I am in public, the forces I feel around my mind are very powerful. It could well be that I am a powerful sender of thoughts, and my spiritual awareness is certainly high enough to allow that (already being open to Spirit in clairaudience etc), and my sensations of psychic nakedness would help any interference and direct mind-to-mind communication to occur.

I believe there could be a correlation between psychic sensitivity and schizophrenia. I believe a lot of schizophrenic people are actually psychic, powerfully psychic and often psychic in a dysfunctional way. Being ignored in this by medical helpers is a barrier to wellness - obviously the doctor might think a person is much more ill than they are if they seem to be experiencing massive psychic traffic and they count that as psychosis.

Have you seen "The Men Who Star At Goats"? All of this would have been taken seriously by them! They would have had me in their division!

I read recently that communication is telepathic, and that when we meet each other face-to-face, we join in an energetic way, and have a higher sense of knowing about each other, so we can consciously easily guess what the other is feeling, guess how their mood is and how they feel about themselves in terms of self-love and self-esteem.
I actually get interference to my face-to-face communication, so that others' first impressions of me may be negative, because of the negativity coming through me from outside. In this way I am quite mediumistic, and like a 'channel'  - it expresses not just within my mind but externally in my physical self, my eyes and face and even movements.
As I said above, there is psychic nakedness; I feel as if some mental shell is removed and damaged in me, ordinarily (presumably from intensive cannabis abuse around the age of 18). Combined with a powerful negative emotionality watching over me, it is no wonder that I feel self-conscious in public and prefer to remain at home, where I feel psychologically comfortable and more natural. This nakedness is to be noted as a significant aspect of the condition. It is a hyper-sensitivity, and probably the reason why I can feel actively watched and interfered with by the hostile ones who I believe are spirit-people, (people who were once alive in dense form on Earth and now have died, left the body and spiritually are in part-ascension and choosing to disrupt mortal life on Earth). There is a shell missing, so there is easy intrusion.


OK, this has likely been a taxing read. Quite an intricate group of statements. Class dismissed! For now...
I hope this has been helpful to the reader, providing insight into the life of the 'schizophrenic' person.

Relationships: Another Note On Life With Schizophrenia

During my second breakdown, I was avoiding my family, feeling that we were too close and that the closeness was oppressive. I didn't like being told what to do or not having the emotional privacy to be settled - it was unsettling feeling I was expected to call home everyday, knowing that some people call home once a week or less.

My breakdown was discovered when my family came to my home, where I had spent about six weeks in solitude, never leaving the premises.

My brother refused to close the door and sit down, so I became aggravated. Clearly he had detected that I was ill and became frightened. But I felt he had no need to be frightened. He looked scared. I became furious, silently motioning for him to sit down. He left and called the police.




That he called the police was all he could do, but it feels like betrayal [yes, present tense, feels like, still feels like].
I can say that my lucidity was underestimated throughout, although I was also 'raving mad', gone off the deep end in my beliefs. All the time I felt I had one foot firmly in clarity. As this is my blog, my brother isn't here to interrupt and contradict me! My family believe they literally saved my life in rescuing me, I say I was not going to kill myself and I would have left the flat soon to get more food (that angers me too, that they disagree with me.
But still, looking back, if I had been sane enough, I should have called the police myself much earlier and said I was having trouble, please take me to hospital.



All this must still have been bubbling under when I was hospitalised. When I saw my family, before treatment had got well underway, I bubbled over with resentment, talking 'at' them not to them. I voiced my concerns, that we were too close. The relationship stress had contributed to my breakdown.
I am normally a peaceable person, but here was all this anger coming out in an uncharacteristic way. Psychologically speaking, a remarkable change. I calmed down though with the longer I received the antipsychotic medicine.


I was speaking about self-harming when I entered hospital. I wanted to self-harm within the framework of a higher sense of purpose. I thought it would be good for the Earth; I thought it was right; I thought it would make me more powerful. I was quite happy with the fact.
I was very ill. Though I maintained lucidity, [I knew what day and date it was at all times] I was also delusional and communicated that frequently. Even after five weeks of medication I was still displaying some irrational obsessions.
Gradually though, my obssession with 'self-harming' passed away. This did not stop me having, because of my mother's and the ward sister's concern, someone sitting in my doorway at all times for the first week of hospitalisation. I was peaceful, there was no way of me harming myself, I had become ill through privacy issues... and there was someone removing my privacy. But they had the right intentions. It was psychologically painful. Fortunately, though I was aware of being supervised, I didn't know this was down to the concerns of my mother, or I would have been even angrier.


Back to my extraction from my home: my brother said I tried to hit him with a guitar. I know I feinted half a strike. I was angry, in a primal state - I was very sensitive to the fact that he and the police were intruding on my territory and I wanted to frighten them off. Yet still I could be reasoned with, though my speech was often delusional in content.



My main point in this post is not to communicate my frustration with the police or the hospital or my family, but to remark on the change of character I went through. I was given cause to be angry. I had been harbouring cause to be angry too. Then when my self-awareness was released by the psychotic break, out came an aggressive subpersonality to frighten my family. Never physically violent anger, just the interpersonal emotion. That undercurrent of anger was keeping me in my home all that time, was keeping my family at arm's length while I locked myself away.
Most hurtfully, my mother and brother came with flowers and gifts for me and I rejected their show of kindess completely. Thankfully this all was soothed away by medication, as I became more me again.

I could still do to have a more normal family life, with less contact, but that's for me to negotiate in a reasonable, and not resentful way. Only because I get tired out travelling backwards and forwards to meet up for family events, and this and being away from home for long periods is very disruptive to me. But I'll sort it out.
I am back on good terms with my family, but we all still remember and carry emotions about that time.


Thanks for reading.

Life With Schizophrenia

Hooray! I have now hit 50 posts on Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!

I have also initiated proceedings to link with schizophrenia.com, so if that works out, welcome to browsers from that site.



I wanted to write about my dad. This is a personal post [albeit on an anonymous blog!!].


Before I got ill was the best time of my life, among family, and then socially. I would like to concentrate on the family part.
It was the best time of my life, I was really close with my father. I was seventeen and we were working together on a renovation project. They were brilliant times, full of genuine shared excitement and true joy.
Then I went away from home for a while and came back sick. Then I went away from home again and came back sicker. I had to take time out from university and lived at home. Suddenly I was closed out. Money troubles and work troubles on my father's part made life hard for him, and he made my life hard too. Losing his temper that I didn't speak (because of the symptom alogia), and showing no or little affection to me.

This continued until he died in 2006. Clearly he was depressed because he couldn't understand his want of success on the work and financial front, and this accounted for ornery behaviour. But he gave me a hard time when I was vulnerable. Never physically violent, thank God, but psychologically hurtful, though from a lack of awareness that he was being anything other than benign, probably.
This is a problem, because when someone dies, you think well of them, in a natural way, yet sometimes I can't help looking back and remembering times that I could not think well of him for.

The way I see it, I was like the baby bird handled by a human, that the mother bird then rejects. I had a funny smell all of a sudden. I wasn't the same son anymore.

My mum tells me it was because I couldn't communicate with him, and that was something he couldn't bear.

And yet, thankfully, there is still love between us. But I know that others with schizophrenia may be able to identify with this, and also their relations too.

Luckily I stayed close to my mother, who showed a mother's loyalty in not rejecting me when I behaved and spoke strangely, and all due to my own choices (I became ill through smoking the illegal drug cannabis). I never told my father that I was ill because of the cannabis use, because I was afraid of his anger.


Now as they say he is with the angels and will see all sides of this situation. RIP dad.

Causation

How did I get into this situation?

1) Logical answer: cannabis use - either a) caused insanity or b) opened me up to spiritual trouble.
2) Metaphysical answer: I chose this myself, bringing about a crisis of spiritual attack to bring myself closer to my soul.
3) Karmic answer: I have the Devil's own karma and am suffering spiritual attack for my sins.
4) Innocence answer: I am like a wounded lamb in the flock of humanity, easy prey to 'wolves' through no fault of my own.
5) Destiny answer: I planned this from before I was born.
6) Creationist answer: some thought or feeling has magnetised this situation to me.
7) Spiritual cause and effect: I have caused some spirits offense, and they are attacking me out of anger.


About these answers:
3) I for one do not believe in a karmic system that punishes.
4) There's martyrdom and there's martyrdom. Maybe this comes into it, through the sheer volume of attack - I did recently here a celestial spirit call me a martyr (it seemed to be someone's guide that spoke to me as I passed the person, a stranger; I do not doubt the reality of this occurrence). This is not m7y main theory however, that this whole episode of my life is meaningless, just an accident of fate because I am or was vulnerable.
5) Difficult. Some people I've read persuade me that we sometimes choose to suffer, for our higher good, or for the higher good of all. I think though, why would we choose to suffer, if we could choose anything, if we could develop through joy? My opinion is that the possibility of all this was accounted for, but this was not actually planned.
1) Who could argue with this answer? I would just argue over whether or not it's a situation of paranormal nature, or pure insanity.
2) This is tempting, but it's gone on for about ten years with little change, and been fairly merciless at times - though no doubt, it has brought me closer to my soul.
6) I went through states of profound fear and strong negativity, and so did others around me - I think this is the strongest argument, that there is some 'thought-form', as some call them, that has attracted my situation to me. The theory is that every being is creative, and thoughts and feelings we have magnetise people and situations to us - well, in the main, the thing is that I've attracted some vengeful spirits to me, who I seem to have offended, though I don't know how. That's the impression that I get, that I offended them, somehow.
So 7), which was a post-script is probably also relevant, though they may be attacking me just through their own hostility.


No one clear answer, in my opinion, but I lean most strongly towards 6).

Self-Image As Someone Mentally Ill and Psychically Aware

I would like to feel normal.

I've been insane, and now I've aligned myself with those who believe in the paranormal. That's two reasons to feel out of the ordinary. There's a lot of prejudice in the world against the insane and the psychic! But let's ignore that and focus on the positive!!
I would very much like to feel ordinary again - not strange, not someone to be afraid of (as an insane person).

I guess it would help to be part of a spiritual community that has strong sixth sense awareness, I mean like a New Age community or a spiritualist church, where my level of awareness is ordinary and accepted. I think that would cheer me up a lot.

So this is good, there are opportunities for people like me to feel normal!

Psychic Protection, Spiritual Safety

I turned a corner recently, in my thinking. I read that rather than visualise white light around ourselves to protect us, we are to think of it as a practice that is very powerful in raising our vibration and transmuting energy that is not moving back into light.


This is amazing!


This was the first time in all my reading that I had come across such an idea. Previously I had read only of shielding ourselves from 'negative entities', 'demons' and 'evil'.

Love thy enemy! you can't love them when you are thinking ill of them (rather than acknowledging their divinity and thinking of them with compassion). Still, people do evil. They are not themselves evil, I believe, since God makes them and cares for them still - but they are free to act irresponsibly. - And like Jesus said, he without sin cast the first stone - we are better off not judging anyone, but praying for those that hurt us.

The point is there is a vast difference between a point of view of "protection against darkness", which essentially carries a motive that affirms conflict, and "safety with Light", which is a healing and peaceful perspective. With a healing and peaceful perspective, we react to injuries not so much with anger, but with strength and compassion, understanding why a being chooses to act in a way contrary to its nature and do harm.

I think we are more likely to be safe when we adopt a position of spiritual wisdom and reconciliation with all of Life. Not to set up walls and barriers to hide behind - not to be divided against others, but to be open within the healing safety of Divine Light.


Lastly, they say every attack is an appeal for love. This is hard to see, but we can pray to be powerful in our love and compassion and be given the gift of being increased in our power to bless with health those who attack us. It's as though this drama of love happens in the unconscious parts of ourselves and plays out in the conscious in ways we don't see clearly into. There is a kind of illusion. We identify a hostile motive, but not the vulnerability beneath it. Pray, pray pray for peace to come to the consciousness of those who attack you.


Everything changes with a change in perspective.
Love embraces, fear divides, and division is endless.
In the highest sense, we are always safe! The soul is a part of the Almighty God.


I'd like to end this post with a prayer.


O God I pray for those who have harmed me in spirit:
May they find peace;
May they reflect upon their cause for aggression and find peace;
May they be reunited with the embrace of God's Light and know every good emotion that exists in God;
May their consciousnesses be healed on whatever level where they feel pain enough to harm me;
May they be reconciled with my spirit now and always;
May they know forgiveness for the harms they have done and may they feel forgiveness for whatever offenses I have done against them;
May there be Light between our spirits eternally;
And may they find their way Home to Heaven.

Amen.



- That's a blessing - it's benevolence, wishing another well. Light thoughts are more powerful than dark thoughts, so benevolence, correctly applied, will heal any situation!

Another Intellectual Challenge To The Status Quo

Simply put, when spirituality is an acceptable idea, why are negative spiritual interactions discounted?

We are ready to believe in and consider the spiritual aspect of Life, but why discount the possibility of spirituality being a cause of urgent complaint?

I dare say for vast numbers of people, spiritual negativity is something they talk about and think about and counteract, but don't actually encounter. I mean, you can believe in the Devil, and avoid the temptations of the world (intoxicants of body and mind), whilst never actually seeing or hearing or sensing a horned and pointy-tailed embodiment of evil.

People are protected. People have natural protection.

If you have or believe you have problems with your spiritual safety, by all means look into informing yourself about ways of being safe through written media or professional spiritual helpers - but generally people are spiritually safe, I believe. People don't experience the spiritual emerging into their daily lives in a negative way - that's why we call it the 'paranormal', which literally describes something 'beyond' normal. It doesn't usually happen that people get spiritually disturbed or harassed.

Spiritually, everyone has protection, a natural thick skin, as well as the protective energies of God surrounding them. I admit some people are naturally sensitive, and others like me develop sensitivity suddenly, and such ones may encounter the spiritual in a variety of ways, both positive and negative.

Cannabis is notorious for disabling the natural spiritual defenses of the human organism, so there you go, that's why you get sensitivity and openness (or nakedness) to the spiritual. Use of psychoactive drugs is not recommended for spiritual safety, as it will cause problems for a portion of users. (However I believe that drugs might perhaps be more safely used by those who are initiated and guided by the wise).

Still, though we are generally safe, there are still mountains of evidence in the form of folk traditions around the world that the spiritual world has a shadow that is to be feared. One of the duties of the Christian faithful, for example, has traditionally been to 'cast out' or exorcise evil spirits. It's all very well getting rid of superstition, as we have done in parts of the world over the last several hundred years, but don't prune away useful parts of our heritage that are always relevant. Those who can handle the spiritual dimensions should be prized, they should be valued for the help they can bring the rest of their community - I'm thinking of those who can perform a range of tasks, from getting rid of a lingering uncomfortable atmosphere in a new home, to moving on lost spirit-people, to helping people like me.

When I was in a mental asylum two years ago, I attended a short Christian ecumenical service there, the priest blessed me with the sign of the cross, and for an instant, the energy around my head 'cleared' and felt light (rather than heavy) - the priest had performed a little miraculous spiritual healing through his faith and the power of God. Imagine what the potential is for liberating people who are spiritually shipwrecked and disturbed by harmful energies. It does not always seem abundantly easy to find the figures in society who will disconnect a person from harmful spiritual energies and realign them with Light - it's a specialist service, rather than being down to a given figure in every community.

I'm not advocating a return to superstition. There's still a kind of superstition in my society, in prejudice towards people who are spiritual - the door has swung the other way. I'm advocating a revivifying of awareness that the paranormal will almost always be an issue for some people in human society, and that those who bear the mantle of spiritual leaders should foster the ability to deal with it in full.

Now we have denial. Orthodox psychiatric denial of the spiritual and the ability of the human being to interact with the spiritual (through the sixth senses). The psychiatrist is for most people in my country the person who wears the biggest hat of authority in the realm of mental health - despite being in direct opposition to the state-sanctioned organisation of Christian religion with its beliefs in the invisible and tenets valuing exorcism. Sorry you docs for putting you down, but we're in opposition.  That's a confused society, with duplicity of views, with hardened, conflicting stances within itself.

I'm in a strange position when I put forward my position in the psychiatrist's office, talking about mental ill health and making claims for the reality of the spiritual and complaining of painful spiritual interactions! So the doctor will tell me to my face that I have a psychotic condition. When people think you are insane, in my experience they treat you with a kind of loving pity, tolerance at arm's reach, whilst trying to talk to you in a way so as to demonstrate to you that they don't think you are crazy! That amounts to condescension, at least from my perspective, beating my drum for parapsychology.

Let us all be happy in our spirituality, and have compassion on those few who have troublesome interactions with the spiritual energies - and let's pray for everyone who needs it to find the help and information they need to be safe and have the same chance of happiness as anyone else.

White Hero

White Hero
         -  White as in purity and spiritual light.


In my dreams recently, someone hailed me as a White Hero. I respect this. I had a strong sense of gravity and self-command as I was having that dream.

I'm very glad to think of myself as a White Hero, and see this dream as trustworthy. It means I'm strong. It means I've made real spiritual gains under attack and held my own. I hope this aspect of myself will emerge as a core element of my future self, as I develop and improve my ability to deal with my condition.

There you go; not a victim or an underdog, but a White Hero.


Yours wishing you the full emergence of your heroic self,

Mr. S

Don't Mention The War

In writing I'm conscious of sounding insane. I'm conscious of having what I'm saying being ignored as untrustworthy because I sound insane in my verbalisations. So partly, I'm writing persuasively. I wish for the reader to believe me. Partly this is pointless, because it's experiential - either you are under psychic attack that you are convinced is real, or not - there won't be too many people reading this out of curiosity, I suppose, they will mostly be of my experiential orientation. And them I'd like to reassure that they are sane (those of my experiential groove!)
This all sounds very contorted...


Unless you know a few people in the New Age group who are professional energy healers for example, or you came into the New Age gradually and read about it, if psychic attack gets you, you are bound to be very much lost for a sane explanation. Thus it was for me for a long time. I wonder where I'll end up intellectually now.

It's pretty weird; it involves:

Telepathy
Spiritual Unity
Metaphysics (explaining why it's happening in the first place)
Soul Life and the Afterlife - a spiritual outlook
Energetic understandings (about subtle energy)
Psychicness

                - and all this you have to find out for yourself from scratch (unless you are lucky enough to discover this blog!!)


One of the biggest milestones for me was realising that I was psychic, that all of this had something to do with me being psychic. It's a drama that's playing out entirely on the psychic level; you can't measure it with a ruler.

So I'm psychic, I'm close to the spirit world, albeit partly in a negative way (they bully me). But I also hear and receive in dreams useful information - this closeness, healed, will be of value to others, in a healing or teaching capacity, and that's a great consolation.

Anatomy Of A Schizophrenic-Type Disorder

I once thought that my troubles emerged exclusively from mortal people.  Then I progressed to realising it was from spirits too.

Now I see:

There are spirits around me, whose behaviour is changeable (though generally more benign);
There is much ill-will affecting me from spirit-people in the astral (who seem to be spiritually like 'career criminals', rebels against the Light)
There is some ill-will from humans affecting me (namely a psychic ex-girlfriend, and from others I have wronged in the past) [PS This is a minor, minor portion of the general problem, though still real!]
That I have caused this to happen through stirring up unhappiness, and attracted it through being very fearful (I believe the profound fear I experienced in a cannabis-induced schizophrenic breakdown attracted dark spirits to me) - since the universe operated through the law of attraction and the law of cause and effect, amongst others.


I once heard a celestial voice compliment me on my powers of intellect, calling me an impressive 'psychic scientist'. I analyse my situation, and I will find a way to heal it. On one level this means changing my energetic vibration so that I attract positive spirits and interactions; this is my will. I read recently that we attract people and situations to us based on our vibration (and our vibration is derived from our inner world of thoughts and feelings). Obviously, in my really dark days of delusional jealousy with the ex-girlfriend, then encounters with what amounts to the essence of evil under schizophrenic hallucinations, I must have got stuck in a rut energetically and attracted all bad to me. - I say all bad, but it could have been worse; perhaps I got stuck with all the bad that I could attract in my days of fearful hallucinations and relatively bad karma. It's not the utmost hell, though, to put it in perspective, it sometimes is so bad that I don't like being alive.

So, I'm a psychic scientist, and I will find a cure. I will find the panacea that changes my situation and puts me on an ecstatic path of fulfilment, for the good of all.