Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!

Ways Of Looking At Schizophrenia

Wednesday, 13 June 2018

Major Life Lesson: Heal Thyself

I have this idea: rather than search the world over for someone who is effective in helping me return to full health, I can help myself. I can find ways to get to full health myself.

I can get an education from books and study groups in areas related to spiritual health. I can do things to increase my well-being like getting out in Nature more and doing more to integrate myself socially.

I don’t have to pin all my hopes on someone who can facilitate spiritual healing. I have power. I can act to bring in more strength and joy. 

Wednesday, 6 June 2018

My Prognosis

I always feel I will resolve this... condition, this well-beingness condition to fullness of awareness of joy.

Recently a voice said “seven years”. I know my voices... this was a friendly trustworthy voice. (And the person meant seven years till I am back to strength in mind).

No more being insulted and challenged and argued with, irritated over and over.

Although I do very well, a part of me is sometimes sore, and tired.

I had been thinking “eighteen more years”, that is another eighteen more years to clear through all the personal growth issues involved in what I see is a great spiritual trauma.

I actually embrace this, on the grounds that I will “bring back gifts” to the world when I return to health. There is a way in which the journey will be worthwhile.

The self grows stronger all the time. Just as the deeper sense is that the suffering is unnecessary and not a neurological disorder.

Good luck from my heart to you on your journey, each of you on a like path.

Monday, 26 March 2018

New post

Hi readers,

I am still checking up on the blog now and then to review stats and comments. You can get in touch with me here if you are interested, and we can exchange views in the comments section.

I think the blog is interesting - I have written so much, and my views have evolved over time, to the extent that I could go back and edit what I have written, but I would like to let it stand as it is as a testament for examination and your information.

I have really enjoyed sharing with you all here, and I could write more. Last year I stopped clozapine,  having tapered off, but without ‘staggering’ the dose... [by tapering, I mean reducing over months, by staggering I mean for example missing one day’s dose in week one, two of the days from week two, and so on until there is just one dose in week seven and then stop, to ease the substance from the body with minimum risk of shock to the brain and withdrawal crisis].  Result: within three days a withdrawal psychosis began, then hospitalisation for three months, when I was very far out. I can’t help thinking the psychiatrist didn’t know what she was doing. And that clozapine gives, I suggest, a worse discontinuation syndrome than less effective medications. I actually got worse for about five weeks in hospital while being put back on an antipsychotic, which was Abilify, because I guess the after effects of ceasing clozapine were still grinding to a halt
It then took another six months to get back to normal after being in hospital. To cut a long story short, I showed some manic traits during the psychotic episode, was prescribed a medicine (sodium valproate) for that under the new diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder; because the medicine made me lose hair and hurt my virility and it can cause sterility in men, I persuaded the psychiatrist I was under to stop it, again tapering and not staggering (!!) and had a pretty serious second psychotic episode, like an aftershock to an earthquake, which lasted maybe two and a half months.

I feel like now I have a new start, I have changed and grown, I am stronger.

Medicine is currently Abilify and an antidepressant, which is fine, it works well, though the antidepressant has some side effects and I look forward to stopping it in two months. (It is recommended to take them at minimum for six to nine months after initial prescription).

So I could write more about that ten month journey, to tell the tale.

I have enjoyed writing on this blog and love the outlet it has given me and that it serves you the readers out there in internetland. I really recommend blogging as a way of connecting with others in a meaningful way and releasing the self in a constructive manner.
Perhaps I have written enough on my pet subjects of the paranormal spiritual as it overlaps with paranoid schizophrenia, and how there is a confusion and contradiction between science and religion.
I would still like to share my drawings with you, and music too. This would be good.

So, from Mr S, and the diagnosis schizophrenia blog (or should that be “diagnosis schizoaffective disorder blog”??!), goodbye for now. 

Friday, 2 October 2015


Hi everyone,

I have decided to see if I am better off without my anti-psychotics. The medicines do not get rid of the main symptoms, and I think the symptoms will still be there if I come off the medicines. I also think that I will be better off relative to medicine sized effects of extra appetite and sleeping a very long time every day.

Just an update, I did not have much to say for a long time. The clozaril I take every day does not do what its supposed to do, sadly. I can't say whether it would work for others, but it is a disappointment for me. I have been on clozaril for three years without improvement.

Blessings to everyone of you out there.

Monday, 28 January 2013

More On Telepathy

I have read online somewhere that the cells in the brain that are responsible for telepathy are the ends of the neurons, called "dendrites". I think these areas are activated in people who report telepathic awareness. In my case there was a psychic denuding, experiencing a sense of mental nudity, but I think things went further, so that there was a raising of awareness, becoming more actively telepathic, and that there was some damage done also to this part of me, leaving uncomfortable openness and spiritual vulnerability. That's what I think: I opened and opened and opened until I broke my mind. It is in this damaged inner space that angry spirits intrude and can successfully exert some dominating force (possessing my thinking). Things are broken in there, to my disadvantage. And these souls also will direct malevolence to other people through my telepathic power. And God doesn't stop them. (I stop them by not watching much TV or going to theatre, concerts and so on). God doesn't stop them. It's God's wisdom that puts individual freedom ahead of group well-being. Freedom is more important; every free moment is a moment for self-discovery, meaning that God does not step in and therefore deny to the unquiet souls the opportunity to consciously become salvation-minded  

But it hurts!

Why... how can I describe the last thirteen years of mental struggle and slow evolution? The first point is that those who go before have gained knowledge that can ease the paths of those who follow. That's a great thing. To one day help someone progress past obstacles and avoid unnecessary suffering.

Interesting that a description of this journey also means tackling referring to the world of Spirit, and referring to being mistreated by 'demonic' spirits. All the time "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", healing goes on and one day there won't be room for intruders to come in and cause upset.

By the way, well done for getting past the bit about broadcasting telepathy, if you got past it!! I know this is a topic vulnerable to skepticism, but it's something that happens. The condition here can be summed up as "telepathic openness in connection with demonic beings". This is the point which my sanity hangs on!! I have a joke that if you don't ask me about ESP or demons, then I am just as normal as anyone else. Actually this is like a religious belief that someone else does not share, an irreconcilable difference in belief that is respectfully overcome by tolerance. That's it. Being psychically active and not in immediate harmony with the spirit world we now encounter is the diagnosis. 

I prayed just a moment ago, thinking of the Virgin Mary, and I heard a female voice comment that I was sending out a wish to be met by Mary's white light (the auric energy of white light, which is God's 'colour', God's energy).  I often pray to her, but never thought about her light. The Virgin Mary is a very serious intercessor for each of us. She will always care for those who look to her for help.There is a kind of conflict going on in my mind, with the others taking delight in injury - they are unquiet souls, emotionally out of touch with God's nature, and finding more happiness in being full of hate. 

Another "hearing", from my (deceased) father, said to a spirit nearby (an unhappy wanderer), may be what you wish to read: "We ask of you the same that we ask of [...me, Mr S]: that you are not submissive". This is the key, then. Even if we cannot beat them in force, we can find peace and detachment and godliness in refusing to feel small and worthless. We are worthy of honour. We are part of a living Universe whose power transcends all conflicts. We need not feel afraid. This is a very important point. Essentially, it means that we should peacefully be aware of our dignity in the presence of an opposing force. Not to cower or beg; not to rage or injure, but assert that you and your well-being matter. To meet psychological attack with a higher awareness. 

There is some good information in this . Why do some people have their psychology upside down? Why are they hateful? God didn't make them that way.
What an amazing thing it must be for the Heavenly ones to restrain themselves from adding to conflict no Earth, or restrain themselves too from taking away suffering when it is in God's wisdom for the suffering to continue.

Friday, 30 November 2012

Clozaril Update 30 November 2012

I am now post the six month mark, still on 350mg a day. Memory problems (that were quite significant) have improved and returned to normal. My disorderly speech has cleared up. - All this is really good.

I just started a new diet for myself, becoming sugar and alcohol free, which released a burst of activity and periods of really feeling uplifted and happy. I don't think this increased activity is due to the medicine working. I am losing weight, due to the diet change. I had risen up in weight quite a lot since starting clozaril, and am now starting to manage that. I don't do any formal exercise (but I walk a mile or two a few times a week). I don't wish to go to the gym until I have lost a lot of weight, to avoid stressing my body. I figured out that I was eating for an eight and a half day week! I had really been overtaken with sugar eating. It has not been too hard to throw off. I have been fairly permissive of fatty foods, and have been tending towards healthy eating. Perhaps I will cut down on high fat foods in the future. So far, I am on day 2 of week 2 of a three week diet. I had read that to make a change to habit requires 21 days of abstinence.

No obvious change to my mind. I am seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks, and I expect her to raise the clozaril. By the way, I have been put on a blood-pressure lowering medicine, as my blood pressure has been high since starting clozaril. Also Hyoscine Hyrdrobromide has not really been helpful with drooling, but I can stay happy by changing my pillow cases and through use of a waterproof pillow protector beneath the cover.

I have had low moods, - in October I mostly only played a computer game! - I played the same challenge over and over again. Doc said this to be expected due to family reunions and hospitalization. It felt like depression though - there were things to do, but I didn't have the strength to do them. I have stopped playing that game now, and I also have not.been very depressed. Actually, the last few days have been low for me - I think maybe my recent burst of activity coinciding with diet change was too much for me. (I have a history of ongoing fatigue from overwork, and if I do too much, I run out of energy.) Anyway, something I thought or did recently has made me feel low - but it is not the worst depression, and I expect it to blow over.

The government have asked me to attend an interview aimed at rehabilitation to work. Stress is a danger (risk of breakdown). Sleep is an obstacle (I can't rely on my ability to wake up at a certain time to do things). There are issues with the medicine, in that it could bring changes to my mind for up to a year after starting it (ie, I'm still in a major change phase, that could be disturbed by stress). I had been thinking about working, myself - to help the country during recession, - and in response to a celestial friend's voice saying that I am "swinging the lead" - an English phrase for avoiding work for a small reason. And let's not forget, mental illness itself can be like a job - but why not test the waters to see if I can do something? Work brings rewards of higher self-esteem, of a larger circle of friends - and more money to ease the way! At present, I think that part time work that feels comfortable would be a lifelong goal and ideal - full time I know to be too much. In the UK, I am allowed to earn a certain amount of money (nearly £100 a week) and to work for a certain length of time (2 days a week). The important thing is that I would enjoy the work and be comfortable with the workload. I don't know what I could do, though. There was a role for a dog-walker near where I live, but the advertisement requested applicants who drive; - perfect job for me (I love dogs), but I don't drive. It would be good to at least try something, and find out what I am capable of.

So that's it! Medicine has made me look at my diet to reverse weight gain, and I have made discoveries of extra happiness with a change of diet. Also next week I take a step towards paid work.. The following week I will see the psychiatrist who will probably raise the dose of clozaril, and it would be a very exciting thing if it helped me. So far, my mind is as it has been for years.

Good luck to you readers out there in Internet land, I wish you great good health. 

Saturday, 7 July 2012

Clozaril Details: The Beginning

I emerged from hospital last week, after 5 weeks on Clozaril. There is not much to say, actually, because I have only had side effects so far and am not on a therapeutic dose yet, according to the doctor.

I have felt really tired, sleeping till the afternoon, sometimes feeling faint walking about (like my blood sugar levels were affected). I had high readings for blood pressure and pulse, but that only meant that they raised the clozaril dosage slowly to be more easily accepted. I had one "amber" result but it was only a very little way under the green barrier, so I was okay to keep taking the medicine.
I noticed it made my speech slurred and disordered - I really noticed it upsetting my communication. Also my memory was affected - I had trouble remembering if I had already told someone something, in conversation, or remembering if I had done something that had happened the day before.

The speech and memory problems are not so bad now. I am still having problems of feeling faint when walking around. Last night I slept from around 11:30pm to 4:45 pm today (over sixteen hours).

Also "drooling" while asleep. And wetting the bed once (about day 3) - which is a side effect, I was told.

So that's some detail on the medicine, which I have been told is "life changing", and a "wonder drug". It hasn't started working yet! But the doctor said I could carry on noticing change for up to a year after starting. At least I have got through the hospitalisation. I coped by going to the hospital cafe every day, and enjoying the sights of the surrounding hills. And reading and writing. And I made some good connections in there with staff and patients. It really reminded me how very ill I was when I was hospitalised before, in 2008, because no one there really seemed as ill when I was in last time.

So there you go! Clozaril: not so scary or difficult, and hope for change.

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Popularity of Posts on Diagnosis Schizophrenia: My Drawings

In terms of written posts,. most people come here to find out about "psychic attack", and less come for my autobiography on living with psychic/spiritual attack and the blurred lines in my culture between mental suffering and being psychic or sick.

However, way more (twice the number) of people come to see my drawings, from my initial breakdown and from time since then - which is a BIG surprise! It is unexpected, and I really like that people are interested in the drawings. Those drawings (from the search item "schizophrenia drawings") are very unusual. First I was an ordinary person, capable but not overly interested in art, then I was in a borderline mental place and drawing with passion or rapture and bringing forth designs from the unconscious. These drawings I hold to be special; I have had two of them made into posters, that I framed and hung on my walls in my home, they have a special place in my life, and rise above being a symbol of illness.

For me, the main point here is that most people who come to my blog are looking for some manner of support to respond to psychic attack or spiritual warfare, perhaps also with an emphasis of being disorientated and supposed insane . In many parts of the world and among the general population, awareness of spiritual attack is obviously non-existent (and you might well know that this awareness may merely be manifested as utter skepticism), and where it does it exist, it is likely to be known as fact rather than experience, or be special knowledge held by a few or by knowing ones. Which is not surprising. Psychic attack is "a big deal", you can buy many books on "psychic protection" on Amazon now, for example, but this condition of experiencing psychic aggression in an everyday or pronounced way is, I suppose, quite or very marginal. If you are reading this, you are likely a skeptical scientist or a spiritually sensitive person. If you are here as a spiritually sensitive person, then good luck to you, it is not all bad, you must be in the grace of God and on  a path with many gifts and wonders in store! Peace be with you, whatever the reason why you are reading this.

I hope I have been some help in guiding spiritually sensitive people on Earth at this time who are coping with spiritual wounds and warfare. Perhaps it is coming to the end of the 'investigation', this parapsychologist writes, as I am hopefully about to go to hospital and be initiated into the "bunker-buster" of psychiatric medications, called Clozaril, which may shut down and heal any excessive sensitivity of mind that I have. But I expect to report on that attempted treatment too, as it is also worth writing about for the world.

Until next time, good luck, and happy reading. Remember, the truth is out there...

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Dark Days

Don't forget that God is a wonderful Intelligence, far greater than ours. If what we call God, or Deity, or Spirit, or Universe is truly greater than us in intelligence, then we should not question that being in its chosen inaction to defend us in spiritual matters, for example, no matter how hard we pray.

I like the words of Jesus to Paul, recorded in 2 Corinthians chapter 12 verse 9. Paul had complained to Jesus about a cause of pain, and Jesus said "My grace is sufficient to you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I take this to mean that we should let ourselves relax and go with the flow. We must raise our minds to what really matters, which is an awareness that we are in God's Grace. Better than fighting things is to raise our minds to God. Sometimes we are the weak ones, and we benefit most by being meek rather than fighting.

Also, I realized, and am still realizing, darkness of morale is lifted by being aware of the purpose of your life, through intuition, or knowing from study, or from reminding yourself what you are here for; you can improve your morale by living with purpose/ following God's will for all of life, - those high good ideals that we must sometimes remind ourselves of.
I am still realizing how important it is to live with purpose, to live without any despair, and I am still working on it.

What helps you to overcome low morale? I invite you to leave a comment on this page to help us all.

Update: Reflections and Clozaril

I have noticed that sometimes the darkness that comes into my consciousness is stronger than me, and it is determinedly evil. But you can't expect to always be stronger than others. But this is serious, it is no joke, I realize, to be thus in relation with unquiet souls. But I am grateful that it is not worse, that I am not in relation with truly demonic souls, just ones who are emotionally disturbed.

I have really started to hang on to the idea of taking Clozaril. I have had my blood taken for testing, and hope to go into hospital in the next few weeks. I am hoping it will desensitize the psychic awareness that has for so long been excessive. I am hoping I won't lose my 'friends' from the spirit world, just - what a wonderful idea - to tune out the earthbound spirits around me who attack, and the voices of the two poor spirits attached to me. I have been thinking I will have to go to a spirit release expert again, to help those attached spirits to get home (again, again).

I have great hope that the pain will go away. I don't know how my world will change, exactly, though. I have faith in spirituality and the reality I know and that others speak of - I don't wish to lose that part of my life.

Keep the faith, those of you who come here to this blog looking for direction and affirmation of your spiritual world-view and extra-sensory experience.

I will (hopefully) be going into hospital for a few weeks, and then the medicine carries on having its most  beneficial effects for maybe six to twelve months more. I will report back, here, on what the journey was like. I wonder what it will be like. Will it feel like a dam breaking? Will it open my eyes? Will it reawaken my bright feelings? It may well be that it reaches the tired open part of me and heals that shut. That would be great.

So I believe in "more than the eye can see", and I also have hope in medicine to help me. I know medicine has helped me in the past. I say, don't give up on medicine.

Recently I was lying in bed late at night before going to sleep, and I had a vision of a man in armour with a sword, and he waved a hello to me in a very friendly fashion. I thought this was my spirit guide, and he must have been exploring my immediate astral environment to lead away or deter unquiet souls. I just thought I would share that, as a post script. The spirit world is always there, in all its glory. Neither madness, nor science - nor dark beliefs - can destroy it. I pray for everyone who is finding their way through life with very enhanced psychic sensitivity, who suffers because of it and perhaps could use more corroboration from the world. Good luck finding your peace.

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Telepathy... And Psychic Well-Being

Of all the symptoms I have, to do with apparent parapsychic problems, issues to do with telepathy must be the least credible, I imagine. It's a grey area. But really, it shouldn't be.

Sanaya Roman's Orin (a channeled spirit teacher) says that telepathy is normal, part of everyday life.
If you hear spirit voices, that's happening through telepathy. Mental voices need not be feared as unreal. And having that active intuition may even save a person's life, like it did Doreen Virtue, the famous "angel lady".

If I say that I am afraid sometimes that watching television I might be broadcasting telepathically to the people on the screen, you might instantly find that incredible...

I have way too much psychic energy, I feel a 'compression' of energy around my head, and it seems to come from the troubling spirit who pays attention to me. I'd like to briefly analyse the thoughts this being causes me - he (it appears to be a young man) seeks to injure me through inducing pronounced feelings of shame, and through causing me aversion, or 'dislike' by raising unpleasant ideas in my mind. But he does not stop there. He  also causes me telepathic broadcasting in an attempt to spread the kind of psychic energy that injures, a darker energy that is toxic. I had never come across any corroboration of this conscious psychic pollution until recently, when I read an article on psychic attack at http://www.learn-psychic-powers.com . I was amazed! And pleased. All I need now is a doctor who believes in the possibility of thought disturbance by deceased discarnate people (who all have enhanced psychic abilities (- don't just take my word for it, look it up, if you like)); I also would like to find an effective spiritualist healer who can restore my positive vibration, personal mental space and mental peace through exorcism/ spirit release.
In this article on telepathic broadcasting, found here, the author says that "There are people who act as nodes for the broadcasting of negative energies." - Well I am one of them, not through my own intention, but through a psychic override, or commandeering of my telepathic faculties. I will tell you that this psychic pollution going out of me is so bad that for the sake of  my karma I limit myself from watching live concerts, plays, radio and a lot of TV and music. Otherwise, vulnerable people get their vibration lowered by some very dark energies coming through me. It doesn't help either that a lot of media is darker in its energy. There is a lot of satirical humour in the world at the moment, and it can be quite poisonous - this amplifies any toxic psychic transmissions, I find. It is fairly unusual to find entertainment with clear, warm-hearted energy, but congratulations to the originators of such entertainment, where they do exist.

Telepathy is not itself bad. It is only interference with our psychic abilities by discarnate people that is bad.

I really feel that the ones watching over me and disturbing me are very angry, very angry indeed. I must have done something to cause offense, but I don't know what. There is real evil coming through, and it feels like a 'vendetta'. And what does come through also acts as a window for even worse energies to occasionally come through.

We are sensitive beings. And some of us are more sensitive - and more vulnerable - than others. Which is why I'm writing this apparently 'fantastic' story, and why you are reading it. That's a powerful point: we are all sensitive, and some of us are more sensitive and vulnerable as well.

I read a brilliant article on shielding recently. I find the spirits do not like me shielding or grounding (that is, those spirits of ill-will or selfishness). This article advised shielding very regularly for up to three months and more. The information was given by a spiritual teacher who is popular in the Western world, who is called Osho. You can find the article here. Talk about credibility! Now we have a master talking about picking up others' energies, and thus experiencing suffering! And there is a way to deal with it too, through psychic shielding - which is essentially encouraging the aura to be stronger in its self-defense function.

Also, to illustrate the point being made here, I refer you to a video at youtube of the fourth generation clairvoyant and doctor of psychology Doreen Virtue advising of how we can clear ourselves of dark energy - which she says can come from our own heavy thoughts, or from the heavy thoughts of others, in the manner of direct psychic contagion. This is the video below. Watch it if you believe in angels as well.

Another point is that some people are bound to have issues with telepathy and telepathy being conscious. And yet still there may be a question of truth in it, to the effect that what you think may be happening still might not be real but coming from delusion. That's a necessary supposition to make.

For now, it seems, my experience is still in the paranormal, and will also not find credibility from mainstream psychiatric doctors. They are mostly likely to diagnose schizophrenia, as they have done. From my own experience, I say that it is possible to have both schizophrenic and parapsychic experience, alongside each other. I will try and take clozaril, even though I don't think that the pain-causing problems I am having on a mental level are objectively unreal. I think, just as with spiritualists of clairvoyant or clairaudient ability there is something special happening in the brain to permit extra-sensory perception, with me there is also something going on in the brain that the clozaril may address - although it is real extra-sensory perception. Hopefully it will close a neural gateway that is permitting the negative relationships I have with some people in spirit.

Lastly, I am also trying a self-clearing Mp3 from a website called www.holisticmakeover.com. I downloaded their Spirit Detox track, which walks you through relaxation and invocation of higher powers to clear away undesirable energies and do spirit release. No immediate results, but it's there if I wish to use it. It gives me hope, too, that as I continue to use it, it will work. Obviously I'm still very much a believer in the spiritual and the paranormal - unlike Western-style mainstream psychiatry, which has a strongly materialist perspective with no tools to measure extra-sensory phenomena. The best I can do about it all is not be resentful or angry! And to keep on looking for health.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Community of Expanded Awareness, And Tolerance

This whole thing about expanded awareness would be a lot easier if I hadn't got really ill - that little fact of illness means everyone is very skeptical, once you start to fill them in on the details! Actually, "acceptance" of being psychic for a lot of people can still be just an attitude of detached skepticism and perceptions of eccentricity, I imagine, like looking at someone 'askance' and saying "Okay. (You're not hurting anyone...) You get on with it."

But really, I, and maybe you too, can assert that There Is A God, and that knowing God and angels and Heavenly spirits directly and not just through belief Is A Gift.

You make your own mind up, just for you, without worrying about what others think, whether they think being psychic is associating with the Devil, or... whether they call you insane.
There's not really anyone to fight over this. We can let the world get on with its thing and evolve. Little point in arguing.

Funny, state-run psychiatry is state-sanctioned secularism, an officially sanctioned non-spiritual belief system. But lets not get down about it, but be bold in our convictions and feel a sense of community here. There is hope for us personally, and for a more integrated psychological belief system to be held by those medics with professional power.

I for one see having a sensitive mind as a positive thing in itself, and I hope that anyone who needs to feel that also, can do so.

The root thought here is that you can feel alone, not knowing anyone with similar experience and perspective - and that secondly, you can feel hurt when others disbelieve you, judge you, treat you roughly in some way, just through their own difference of nature. But let's not carry around anger, as a principle, but tolerance, just the same as can exist between all people, essentially, and particularly when it comes to matters of belief. That way, with tolerance, we make room for a happier world to grow with us.

Happy day! You might be what they call "psychic", and you can also think that it's okay to be psychic. Being psychic can do you and others a lot of favours! This is good news! God is Love.

I also affirm that, wondrously, hallucination, delusion and psychic perception can occur side by side.Which is confusing at the time! And can seem impossible to rational people at the other end of the mental sensitivity / intuitive spectrum, but there we go. Like I have written before, for those with an inclination to believe here: if a person can be psychic, then why not also those people who happen to have symptoms of serious mental illness / serious disturbance to brain-mind functioning. If them, then why not  me too? Why not?

The other night I woke up with an awareness of what I was dreaming. In the dream I saw the words written "He is so precious. He's a psychic." This I interpreted to mean that someone was appreciating me, and confirming my psychic awareness (following the belief that dreams can be a forum for extra-sensory phenomena and communication). This was something very special to me. Validation can come from within! Even when it seems no-one in the world believes or supports you. But I say to you who have mighty convictions of your own sensitivity of mind, you too are precious.

Thank you,

Mr. S.

The Weblog With A New Look!

"Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!" has had a new makeover. Now in blue and white! You like?

Thanks Blogger.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Spirituality Reality, Schizophrenia Diagnosis and Cultural Norms

Diagnosed with schizophrenia today, the doctor said that she had to think of my relation to spiritual cultural norms when making the diagnosis. Which is funny (!), because she didn't know anything about the spiritual reality, it seemed. She didn't know what "psychic" means.

I think, in my country at least, that non-religious people outnumber those who are active members of religious communities. Of those who do attend religious ceremonies, a smaller percentage will have spiritual awareness of some kind, and a smaller percentage again will have problems from their awareness (such as empathic issues, even ordinary issues of psychic attack) - and then a tiny minority will suffer from demonic possession, ghost attachments and demonic attack/ spiritual attack.

In other words, most people know nothing of this kind of reality painfully raised as a problem here on Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!!!!!!!!!!! It's not a spiritual awareness, ESP or parapsychic community norm! Good luck trying to get many healers to believe you! (I'm sorry, but I've come to the belief that many professional healers are not strong enough to deal with advanced psychic attack like this, not even to recognise it or believe in it often.) Religiously speaking, I believe it would take about seven Christian bishops 'laying their  hands' on me to restore me to health; that's the kind of power required here (guessed going on feel and experience). If I ever recover by myself I'll be as strong as seven bishops...

And here's another post item, but I'll wrap it into this one: ignorance is only a small excuse when it comes to spiritual danger.
I was raised in a religious family, but one without any notion of spiritual techniques for well-being, and consequently, I had no idea of spiritual dangers - like acquiring the attention of transient spirits, like the possibility of over-spiritualisation by drug use, like psychic pollution. Part-knowledge of spirituality was handed to me.
The fact is that we are expected by Heaven and God to look after ourselves in part - we have some responsibility for our psycho-spiritual well-being. This may be as simple as shielding the aura three times daily with white light. We could go on to spiritual grounding, and then on to energy chakra maintenance, depending on our personal need. These subjects are all covered in psychic development, and with luck we can find out for ourselves about these things as and when we need to.

I'm really going on something I read, that each of us is expected to do our bit to maintain our psycho-spiritual well-being, which goes a long way to helping God and Heaven help us. But that's a great thing. At least then we know, and can answer some of our feelings, that it is partly up to us to care for ourselves.

In the first place, ideally, be knowing. In the second place, take care of yourself.

So, I now know about the spiritual dangers of drug-taking (I suppose mainly for sensitive people). And I know that there are methods for generating a positive energy for oneself, and going on from there to purify the self if necessary. I am not helpless, I can help myself.

Here's a theory to leave you with: that some parts of the 'civilised' world, although they are becoming rapidly more spiritual, are lacking in the cultural 'apparatus' (spiritual beliefs and techniques) to always ground the new energy that spirituality brings them, resulting in insanity and spiritual disturbance for some. What do you think?


Welcome to my new follower! Thanks for reading.

Mr. S.

Wrath! New Psychiatrist, Diagnosis and Clozapine

Saw my new psychiatrist today.

Lots of history talk - my life history. Then the diagnosis. I think she was okay until I started to tell her about bad spirits exerting force on my thoughts to direct them towards painful ideas and cause me suffering. She explicitly said that it was the fact that I said there were spiritual forces manipulating my thoughts that had her worried - and earned me the diagnosis of schizophrenia.

It's not nice to be told you are insane - when you believe you are not. It hurts, like losing or being disqualified.

So then, on to medication. I had explained that the emotional pain was so frequent that I feel it in my body (around the diaphragm) - tiredness and pain. Could she do anything about it? Her answer was clozapine, because my condition was partially resistant to treatment. With clozapine, she said, there is a 50/50 chance of recovery - and a 1/100 of permanent damage to white blood cell generation (which is why once weekly blood tests are necessary); starting clozapine you also need to be admitted to hospital to be tested for blood pressure changes as well.

She also told me I should definitely take medicine for the rest of my life. She believed that if I came off anti-psychotic medication, I would be okay for a while, and then my health would deteriorate.

"Some people have one episode of psychosis, and then recover, but should always take medicine to prevent any recurrence. Another group of people have recurring episodes of breakdown [people like me, she said] - and these people should always take medicine. And another group never recover - and they should always be medicated as well."

The doc also did not know what clairaudience was. I had taken in a book I am reading and really value, called "Basic Psychic Development". She knew nothing about what being psychic is! I asked her if she was interested in it. I asked her how she could give a diagnosis when she knew nothing about this system of beliefs. I asked her if she believed in an invisible reality, as so many world religions do.

Nope, she didn't. Her belief system versus mine, she said - and who could tell who is right? Better to keep taking the medicine.

I believe I would be more myself without medicine, less repressed in so many ways. Do I really need them? I survived okay without them before (when undiagnosed,. back in 2000). The only thing that remains is my supposed spiritual perceptions, which I am at least used to, even if I haven't adapted to them yet.
I suppose there is a danger of psychotic breakdown through stress - but that can happen anyway, medicated or not - I know that much from previous experience (my second episode in 2008).

I was brought low by the idea of being on medication for life. I was also shocked by the risk of permanent damage to my system by clozapine. I was thirdly really brought low by following the doctor's idea that I was hallucinating every voice and every force on my thoughts, and that there s no invisible, "extra-sensory" reality - and I left the clinic thinking "Great: I'm TOTALLY crackers" (that means, 'completely insane' in the English idiom!) Not a nice feeling.
Hence the title of the post, "Wrath!" I feel low, and rebounding from that I feel angry that I have been, effectively, misjudged. I am also left wondering if the belief system of the psychiatrist will change over time. How can they ignore rare spiritual possibilities behind mental suffering?

What to do now?

The thought occurred to me, the host of heaven must resent the fact that we pretend we can't hear them when they come close, and that we suspect we are crazy when they speak to us.

When spirits came near after my doctor's appointment, I joked with them that I couldn't hear them / wouldn't listen to them, because they weren't real!

I would actually like to try clozapine - but then there's the old cliche that I wouldn't like to lose my 'good'
 voices. I actually think they wouldn't go, but that the clozapine might close down the parts of the brain that open me to the bad spirits. There it is. Crazy, or not...?

I think I'm going to go for clozapine treatment - probably in August this year. I still believe that I'm pretty much mentally healthy in my perceptions and thinking, but I am also open to the possibility of clozapine taking away the painful patterns my mind is subject to.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, 20 November 2011


It seems that my drawings page is very popular! Even more popular than my highest ranking post, by far!

I had three drawings on the drawings page, and have now added a further seven. I noticed that on Google, an image search for "schizophrenia drawings" is very popular. It was a nice feling to se my pictures down around page 23! Wow. It makes you feel valued. Nice.

The drawings I just put up are mostly from my initial breakdown 10 years ago. And they do suggest a little bit what it was like. But I see them as being very creative, and they are very special for me, as I had never done anything like that before. I think they are good.
At that time I was unmedicated, and unknown to the health services, very very delusional, hallucinating and suffering. But still enjoying drawing. It was something I really enojyed - but the initial outpouring of creativity ran dry after a while - I guess I exhausted it (probably due to drug use). Within a couple of years however, I was drawing again as a form of enjoyment or relaxation, with a similar artistic vision, but less creative energy, under the calming, clarifying effect of medication.

Well if you are interested, take a look at the drawings page. Enjoy!

Saturday, 19 November 2011

Extraordinary Health

It occurred to me that:
the solution to extraordinary health difficulties can only be to create extraordinary health.

Today I am doing this in a number of ways. I am wearing a religious medal, a physical item bearing the symbolism of spiritual health and happiness; I am also wearing around my neck a psychic tool of vibrational medicine, incorporating special crystals of the Earth; thus I am invoking two kinds of 'magic' - the magic of positive meaning in the medal and the magic of positive subtle healing influence given by the crystal.

I have been following my bliss today (and working), and have felt as good as on any birthday!

I have been reading an excellent book called "How to Heal Toxic Thoughts" (by modern world health guru Sandra Ingerman), and reflecting on health. (Certainly I got myself into a toxic position, and must work hard to work my way out - did you know this is a process of spiritual alchemy?, processing heaviness within to goodness? My heaviness currently seems to come very much from earthbound spirits I am open to). I realised that on Earth, part of our higher purpose is to make relaxation the name of the game, a kind of detachment that allows us to be graceful with others and good tempered and happy. This is true wealth, I decided. Emotional richness, emotional generosity, and emotional goodness. This is love and peace. (That is one big insight for me!!) What I have to do is clear up mind, to purify what would otherwise be polluted, for my sake and for the good of all. And the basis of this is emotional well-being.
I have made a short space clearing ritual, with holy music and the burning of holy dried plants, which ritual I commenced with a ringing bell sound from tingshas, and I chanted and put on my special crystal pendant. The feelings this summoned were immensely rewarding to me as I did this, it felt like a Sunday after attending a church service! Happy and light.

I have also imagined a pillar of light in each palm, one meeting my body at my forehead, one at my chest and one entering my system at my solar plexus. I gave each point of light a letter that spelt out the Hebrew name of Jesus the Healer of God. Later I visualised this again with each big beam of light in a triangular shape surrounded by a thin circle of light. This was good to me because I remember well having a dream in which Jesus and a number of assistants appeared in the 'place' I was through a portal in the form of a triangle of white light. The light visualisation I made was intended as a powerful means of aligning with positive energy on all levels.

I have also been taking flower essence for radical spiritual health, including the Australian Bush Essences Fringed Violet and Angelsword. I think they are doing something for me. Minimum 4 drops 4 times a day!
I have also been working with a powerful mantra. This is "Everyone loves me, and I love everyone." This is the spiritual reality, truly! Anything else is illusion! Through all the trouble that has been or is or will be, this is the underlying fact. And God only made one type of people, in His image, not two sorts (good people and bad people). This I thought today, and felt better for it.

So, this is a day in the life of a spiritual warrior and "field parapsychologist"! And an honest account of positive steps taken for health and the helpful thoughts that have occurred to him.
In conclusion, to remedy extraordinary difficulty, we must create extraordinary health.

Good luck in your metaphysical journey to an awareness of the health in you that God made.

With best wishes from Mr. S.

Saturday, 12 November 2011

More On Psychic Development

If you do not feel yourself or are having trouble closing down, this will likely mean that you have to clear your energy from unwanted foreign energies. This can be done by taking a salt water bath, burning dry sage leaves or visualising being in a waterfall, or standing in a powerful sunbeam or rainbow, for example. Lighting a candle and saying some prayers will also help purify you energy. This is called clearing! It puts you back in touch with yourself and your strength.

Another important method of psychic development is 'grounding', which is keeping a close energetic connection to the Earth. The Earth feeds us energy coming up through our feet and up through our legs, and the Earth also takes away excess or unwanted energy through a cord that comes from the base of the spine that goes down deep into the Earth. There are many famous meditations to help with grounding, such as imagining plant roots coming from one's feet and going deep into the ground. You can also see your grounding cord as a thick tree trunk going all the way to the centre of the Earth. If you are not very good at visualising, for some reason, then foster a relationship with the Earth in practical ways. Go outside and touch the ground, and think of the Earth with affection. All of this gives us strength. Remember the Earth beneath you!

Closing down was covered in the last post. This involves mentally closing the chakras apart from the base, red chakra. A simple way to do this is to imagine all the chakras closing, and then work with a dim, flickering red flame in your imagination, which you associate with your base chakra.

Finally, shielding. This is merely to strengthen your natural defences by imagining being surrounded by bright light. This helps minimise any disturbing energetic influences that come your way. It need not be done in a spirit of fear, no more than you would fear the rain when putting on a raincoat. I read that shielding yourself a few times a day brings the best results.

A good sequence of activity could be






There. There are some basic skills of psychic development. I wish someone had told me these ten years ago and said these skills were IMPORTANT and CAN HELP. You've just learnt some very valuable information in only about ten minutes.

Clearing reduces interference.

Grounding strengthens your energy

Shielding minimises intrusions by unwanted energies

Closing down filters out the spiritual, as desired.

This is valuable information, and will certainly help anyone involved in spiritual warfare for God.

I have known about all these things for some time, but have only just realised the importance of them. It will take some time to integrate their benefits, but they are tried and trusted methods. Two days ago, I was out in a town, and practising staying grounded, clear and closed down. I had a tiny breakthrough experience! I spoke to a ticket inspector on the train, and for the first time, I was strong and grounded. I sounded healthy and benevolent. Spirituality was there, and power was there, and health was there, all in my voice. I was expressing a tiny bit of my true self, for the first time in a very long time. (If you are used to having interference acting on your persona and thoughts and expression, you will know how valuable that is.)

Thank you for reading. Go forth and be lucky, be happy, be healthy - and be good! And don't be afraid.

Wow Super Important Post On Psychic Development...

This has to be one of the most important posts on the Diagnosis:Schizophrenia! blog. I have realised something that I knew before, but not as clearly as I do now. I am about to present some very important information for help with psychological well-being for those whose minds are exposed to the world of spirit and who are suffering irritation and injury because of that.

Well, you know that you are here on this blog looking for information and affirmation about your condition. If you are as described above, to use the common word for it, "psychic" - if you are psychic and feel yourself to be under attack, that is, you are suffering in some way because of other people through your psychicness, then listen to this.

You are psychic, you are under attack... the solution is to be not psychic, and not under attack - but how is that possible? The answer is known to all people who are initiated, or 'knowing' in psychic development. Perhaps someone is strongly psychic and they do not wish to hear the voice of spirit and work non-stop for spirit all day long. - So much for the psychicness. But perhaps you are psychic, and 'initiated' (having special education), and you wish to be safe, knowing that the spirit world can be as dangerous as the Earth in places, where there are people with anger and hostility, - what do you do?

I will now tell you what you need to do. If you wish to search in a search engine for more information on this, use terms like "closing down", and "Spirit" (put spirit in to help with the search). There are people out there who know more than I do about this - for some of them, it's their job, if they are mediums.

Being psychically exposed to interactions with the world of spirit is normal. It is called being open to spirit, and it is essential for those who wish to know more about Heaven and God, and who wish to work for Heaven, perhaps communicating for them to loved ones on the Earth. It is being psychic.
But I know, and you may know, what it is like to be made restless and to be psychologically injured by spirits, who are really dead people who exploit their new powers being in the world of spirit to attack the healthy on Earth. Strange as this may seem, it is so; this can happen. Like little children playing at Halloween time, putting on devil masks to scare another, these ones are forgetful of their nature, and absorbed in play, albeit scary.

You, I, and maybe millions of people on Earth, need to learn about psychic development. What happens is that we open up to spirit, we are naturally sensitive, or some trauma happens, or we waken with mental illness, or we take drugs - and we are not entirely conscious of the fact that we have woken up. (We may be very well acquainted with the facts of being open - such as sensory overload or a too-active mind, but we never identify the whole processes involved). We then get used to living open all the time.

Thankfully, there is an answer, and that is to close down again, thus shutting out unwanted spiritual activity. We can do this by visualisation, which is another word for imagination. What we need to do is close the chakras, the subtle portals that open with awakening and allow us to experience the world of spirit. There is no danger in this closing. It is perhaps easier if you read about chakras elsewhere. The key seems to be close the higher six main chakras, and to allow the base chakra to operate with a minimum of activity. What you need is a slight red glow to continue in the base chakra.

It will be quite hard for me to tell you everything here, but I feel I must give some detailed information now I have given such a big introduction on the subject!

There are many subtle energy centres, or "chakras" that maintain the life of the body and help feed our evolution by down stepping the cosmic light that fills the spiritual planes. The main chakras correspond to important glands in the body. The chakras are said to look like funnels or trumpet-like flowers, and they funnel into the person light of different colours. Briefly, of the main chakras, one goes upwards from the top of the head, and one goes downwards from the groin area. All the others are down the middle of the body, numbering five, emerging front and back in a corresponding position. There is a one at the forehead, one at the throat, one at the chest, one at the solar plexus, and one at the navel. We need to imagine all the chakras closing and becoming dim, except for the base which should still have a little (red) light showing. That is the very basics of closing down. Once it is done effectively, it will block out unwanted spiritual signals. You may also find benefit in prayer to a higher power to assist you in staying closed. Please think about looking elsewhere for information on "closing down", so that you are well-informed. I'm surprised that I was never told about this before by spiritual healers I have seen; they would talk about grounding, but not about closing down. The nearest I got was a clue from one healer, who happened to observe that I was "too open."

Lastly, I have found that spiritual teachers recommend closing down after any spiritual activity, such as meditation, or healing work. That way we stay safe and sound.

It's been a long time for me to get this important information, and now I have it, I will begin to work with it. Who knew this was actually a blog about psychic development! Amazing.