Update: Reflections and Clozaril

I have noticed that sometimes the darkness that comes into my consciousness is stronger than me, and it is determinedly evil. But you can't expect to always be stronger than others. But this is serious, it is no joke, I realize, to be thus in relation with unquiet souls. But I am grateful that it is not worse, that I am not in relation with truly demonic souls, just ones who are emotionally disturbed.


I have really started to hang on to the idea of taking Clozaril. I have had my blood taken for testing, and hope to go into hospital in the next few weeks. I am hoping it will desensitize the psychic awareness that has for so long been excessive. I am hoping I won't lose my 'friends' from the spirit world, just - what a wonderful idea - to tune out the earthbound spirits around me who attack, and the voices of the two poor spirits attached to me. I have been thinking I will have to go to a spirit release expert again, to help those attached spirits to get home (again, again).

I have great hope that the pain will go away. I don't know how my world will change, exactly, though. I have faith in spirituality and the reality I know and that others speak of - I don't wish to lose that part of my life.

Keep the faith, those of you who come here to this blog looking for direction and affirmation of your spiritual world-view and extra-sensory experience.

I will (hopefully) be going into hospital for a few weeks, and then the medicine carries on having its most  beneficial effects for maybe six to twelve months more. I will report back, here, on what the journey was like. I wonder what it will be like. Will it feel like a dam breaking? Will it open my eyes? Will it reawaken my bright feelings? It may well be that it reaches the tired open part of me and heals that shut. That would be great.

So I believe in "more than the eye can see", and I also have hope in medicine to help me. I know medicine has helped me in the past. I say, don't give up on medicine.



Recently I was lying in bed late at night before going to sleep, and I had a vision of a man in armour with a sword, and he waved a hello to me in a very friendly fashion. I thought this was my spirit guide, and he must have been exploring my immediate astral environment to lead away or deter unquiet souls. I just thought I would share that, as a post script. The spirit world is always there, in all its glory. Neither madness, nor science - nor dark beliefs - can destroy it. I pray for everyone who is finding their way through life with very enhanced psychic sensitivity, who suffers because of it and perhaps could use more corroboration from the world. Good luck finding your peace.

A Reminder for Life: Be Strong

Not to plagiarise a book I've been reading too heavily, but when you are suffering a kind of injustice, you can take on negative thinking that does not suit your nature.

"I would have a normal life if it wasn't for X"

"If it wasn't for X, I could be happy"

As soon as you blame like this - and I have been very guilty of this, too - you mentally put the power to change your situation into another's hands. They have responsibility to change your life for the better; is that true? On analysis no, we always have the power to change our circumstances for the better.

Me, I would have a job and a mate. I would be strong and happy. If only I had my righful peace, privacy and safety. - Is that true? Am I completely passive in this situation? No. With hope and wise choices and courage, I can change everything.


Just because you are being treated badly, doesn't mean you have to respond by being weakened.

Spiritual Safety And Well-Being

Look online and you find countless methods of self-care for the spiritually sensitive when you search for special terms like and .

Search online for books on and you will find many sources of information for those who wish to protect or defend themselves against subtle energy related causes of unhappiness.

Search online for spiritual healing practitioners, and you will call up a host of mediums, shamans and Reiki transmitters and others [of differing ability and even of differing honesty (- beware of dishonest people seeking to effectively rob you whilst smiling! May God bless them and be closely with them.) Still, it seems you can do very much yourself, on your own, with a program of daily spiritual self-care].


Recent books, fervent posts on spiritual well-being, ages-old traditions of healing spiritual relations. These are organised systems of belief... and although part of an 'alternative' culture, they will 'by and large' be put forth by people who can be certified sane.

1. There is a Deity, that is loving to all
2. There are guardians who can be called on to help bring spiritual well-being - celestial people, angels, departed loved ones, and even animals

Those who can heal us help us with any energies that affect us that are not moving very quickly, by nudging them into a lighter state, usually by working with a higher power, a stronger power of love and light. You or I can help ourselves through prayer and faith in those Higher Powers, we can even seek to commune with them, drawing them closely to us, until our vibration is faster and we are naturally free from spiritual causes of unhappiness.

Good luck is strong connection with those Higher Powers, and good luck is a habit of spiritual self-care; this is true for all people, but especially those who are sensitive to the subtle reality of Spirit. The rest of health is in being natural - in us being a friend and blessing, in us being happy, in maintaining good relations and in common sense.



So much for my ideas about spiritual health-and-happiness, gained from research and reflections on eleven and a half years of psychic disturbance. For real.

Night is setting in as I write this, and I can see half of the moon, bright in the clear sky.

Supplication says "I pray for you who read this; I wish all of you you all good".

Faith says "God is working miracles with us; even now we are knowing health-and-happiness."

Amen.

Words On Lightsomeness; And A Prayer

"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light." (Teaching of Jesus found in The Holy Bible, Matthew 6:22; New International Version, 1984).

The eye is called the window of the soul; through our eyes we pour out our feelings to each other. If our feelings are good [i.e., godly, loving] and healthy, the Light lives with us. Light is loving, Light is joyful, Light is good; when we are Lightsome, having a subtle awareness of Light, we are expressing the godly qualities of the Creator.
In truth, the Light is always shining within us, but we can through our own choices also not engage with it fully.
Sometimes, we are darkened in spirit, in small ways, as I will write below. When we express ourselves through a mentality of discontent, we are not as powerful as when we are 'Lightsome', and secondly, we add psychic pollution to the spiritual atmosphere of the world, which negatively impacts on all Life. It is said that there is an energetic 'smog' around the world; when we add to it, we are also communing with that smog and tuning into it. Not wanting to scare you or anything...!, but there you go.

Through being mindful of our thoughts and feelings,

and how we are expressing ourselves to others,

we can remember our true, Lightful nature.

• If we are anxious about psychic attack and feel weak, we have momentarily lost our awareness of the Light.
• If we harbour resentment towards those who make themselves enemies of us, we have forgotten our nature and have momentarily lost our awareness of the Light.
• If we are only timid when confronted by an infringement or potential infringement of our dignity, and do not react assertively, then we have momentarily lost awareness of the Light.
• If we allow ourselves to be preoccupied by worries and thoughts of misfortune, neglecting to think of good fortune and good possibilities, we have momentarily lost awareness of the Light.
• If we allow hostility to blunt our self-esteem so that we no longer feel equal with others, we have momentarily lost awareness of the Light.
• If we allow harsh thoughts to occur without then putting a good thought in their place, we are misled and go awry, we have momentarily lost awareness of the Light.
• If we grow into the habit of losing our temper with those who hurt us, then we have momentarily lost awareness of the Light, that is patience and compassion and all goodness.

The above list is not accusatory in spirit, it is as much personal reflection as instruction - or more properly, 'caution': I mean to say, be aware that your consciousness can slip sometimes, though in ways that can be remedied so that we express our true, Lightful selves.

The Light is always shining, and metaphorically speaking, we always have the opportunity to look at it and retain an awareness of it - or to not do so.

A Prayer

Change: choose again, reconsider

Grow in inner strength

Smile freely

Laugh easily

Be still and rest

Reflect on life peacefully

Be a friend

Be lucky

Bless, bless, bless

Be open to exploring the world

Open your heart: give and receive

Be joyful, for joy is godly

Love, love solemnly, love playfully, love everyone

Love, because it is good; and love because God wills it 

Love because we are all one, in God

And in all ways and every moment be Lightsome!

In the name of God,

Amen

My Point of View: General Catalogue of My Beliefs. Complete Confession!!

I was raised as a Christian, and I am a Christian, I hope in a vital sense.

I am also open, believing that though we are many races on one planet, there is only one Earth: I am open to truth wherever it comes from.

I read the Bible, and scholarship about the Bible and the Christian faith.

I am interested in faith independent of the flaws of organised religion (and I do believe that the 'organised' forms of spirituality can have flaws). But that's just to say that there are aspects of some forms of Christianity that don't appeal to me.

So I love various parts of the Christian tradition, but not always all of them, and I don't follow exactly the ways of any one denomination. Having said that, I'm still closest to the Anglican tradition - whilst drawing on aspects of Roman Catholicism! I like the Litany of the Virgin Mary. I admire Padre Pio and trust his teachings. I have spiritually seen Mother Teresa around me, caring for me.

I am interested in the Christianity of the early Church, imagining the believers of those times to have had great fervour and purity of heart.

So, I do call myself a Christian; but I have to say that I respect many forms of religion on the planet, and recognise their spiritual gifts. I respect the devotion of a heart that loves Divinity, when I sense it in writing or people of various faiths.

Although for me 'God' is the 'Father' of Jesus, whereby the Virgin Mary was immaculately conceived, I do not see God as a male being in human likeness. For me, God is a "pure creative spirit" (as was told to Neale Donald Walsch).

I admire the spiritual evolution of the people of India, in their concepts of Brahman, the pure creative spirit of great power, and the transcendent being that manifests as all Creation.

Additionally, I have a love of the Spiritualist Church, appreciating their apparent sincerity and purity of heart, and I am grateful for their example as a social 'place' where clairaudience and clairvoyance are natural human faculties deemed normal.

A lot of things that the Christian church might frown on, I embrace as actually being acceptable and helpful in combating intrusive spiritual hostility. I am happy to respectfully borrow the habit of smudging from native American shamanism (rather like ecclesiastical use of incense). I am happy to borrow from spiritualist knowledge about spirit guides to seek assistance from these celestial bosom buddies in my spiritual evolution and spiritual safety. I am happy to look outside the Church for spirit release, trusting the orientation of those who may help as professional sensitives (even a duty which the modern Church variously abandons).


My personal experiences of Deity are varied; they are all spiritual experiences, happening in altered states, and open to the usual criticisms (!), - but still I ask them to be respected. I have had experiences of Deity outside of my own cultural forms. I have had a clear indication that Islam and Christianity pray to the exact same Deity. I have experienced God as the Absolute, as the Father, as Goddess; I have seen Jesus nearby me (see my poem) and heard a personal message from him; I have known saints of Christian and Indian traditions, again outside of ordinary perception; I have had a vision of the Virgin Mary in a dream - she was smiling at me; I have been visited in a caring way by a person born in India said to be an incarnation of God (just as Christians hold Jesus to be). Of all the worlds in all the universe that bear Life, is ours the only one graced with one single incarnation of God, as Jesus? Jesus is supposed to have said to someone recently, that all paths are his paths.

If we don't hear Spirit with our inner ears, and see Spirit with our inner eyes, how do we know Spirit at all? We can only follow others and believe what we are taught. How can you know an extra-sensory reality except by extra-sensory perception?

I have to admit that I have a strong interest in Goddess religions of the world - perhaps from a desire for wholeness and balance that my culture today can suppress, who knows? There must be a reason why I feel drawn to that representation of Divinity.

I believe God shows up whenever we love God, whatever we conceive God to be. I believe God is liberal in the way God responds to our beliefs, and principally God loves to  have relationship with us.

I don't believe that New Age spirituality is rejected by God; I have read that if you have trouble with the world of Spirit, New Age beliefs should be rejected in favour of a strict adherence to Christianity. Obviously the point of this blog is that we are all spiritual beings, and some behaviours and practices can be risky or downright dangerous - so educate people to take care. Smudge before and after spiritual practices! Close down the chakras after spiritual practices! Shield before and after spiritual practices! Cleanse your aura regularly! And ground your energy. A lot of people of 'New Age' belief seem to think that there is no evil and that we cannot ever be invaded. Obviously, we may encounter evil in spirit just as on the Earth, and we may not always be spiritually safe, especially if we are ignorant of danger and of the necessity and proper techniques of spiritual self-care. But all is for the best, as "Pangloss" says, no matter how grim things can be. I see the New Age movement primarily as a movement away from organised religion: it is a movement of individuality, and thus of personal knowledge of Divinity, and therefore can't be so bad.


This is a concise version of my beliefs, for your interest, to inform how you see what I write on this blog, and so you can dismantle any bias that may be present.


So, welcome to Diagnosis: Schizophrenia, people of faith; I'm reassured that you're here. And to the everyone agnostic or atheist - peace be with you.

A Spiritual Truth I Found That Helps Me Understand My History

"Every tragedy of the human experience can be attributed to one human decision - the decision to withdraw from each other."

The above is a quote from Neale Donald Walsch I came across on the web - that's to say, it's very probably a quote from God, via Neale Donald Walsch, because that's what they do. Mr Walsch has shared his inspirations in the books Conversations With God (in three volumes) and in other books since they were published. these books are one of a kind; I found them deeply informative, and comforting, even amusing - they're great! But if you are new to these books, they will require you recalibrate your awareness of the Divine, because they are different to other sources of spiritual information. You will have to be more expansive in outlook, because the God that came to Neale Donald Walsch one night in conversation to help him is everybody's God, not the God of this or that religion. Recommended reading, just on a 'life' basis, rather than schizophrenia-basis, - but certainly the books Mr Walsch has produced will help everyone feel more comfortable.

So. What did you read all that for? Now to the real point of the post! Re-read the quotation. Tragedy in our lives is always due to one decision, that is the decision to withdraw from each other. Wow. this is an especially poignant idea for people with schizophrenia, for whom social withdrawal is a key element (though perhaps sidelined element) as people with health issues. It goes beyond health issues, it is a social issue. A person connecting is a happy person and an active person. A person who hides themselves does so because it makes loneliness easier, because of their pain. I know I have been accustomed to an inner alarm of pain and panic when outside the home or near strangers, even when near family friends. I liken the social side of my condition to the ability to fly: you get injured, you forget how to fly, and meanwhile all the confident fliers around you are wondering what's wrong with you. I'm sure you can identify with that, if you are reading from the perspective of someone with schizophrenia.

What's wrong with us, then? What is the key injury? Perhaps for everyone this serious root of all problems is different. Looking back, I was really helped by this spiritual or metaphysical truth quoted above. Question: as social beings, can a serious illness like schizophrenia be put down to the moment when we withdraw, or begin to withdraw from others? Looking back, I can remember the exact day when the illness and withdrawal began - that seems to corroborate the statement that heads this post.

I was thinking, well, the first person I withdrew from was my 'love' at the time, a person I was very close to, and the withdrawal was purely of speech, I stopped speaking and confiding. Then I went on to become very socially withdrawn, isolating myself physically; at this stage I had 'forgotten how to fly' socially - gone was any sense of affableness, that gels social gatherings, I was awkwardly on the sidelines, and strangely silent. Next was the internal withdrawal. I retreated into my mind, to the centre of a place of pain, having terrible hallucinations and comforting myself with the presence of something that ironically was also hurting me and was my downfall - the intoxicant cannabis.

Back to the first moments of withdrawal, we find one piece of a two piece puzzle, the second of which only becomes obvious in context.

My first sign of illness and withdrawal was this: I was with my love in her bedroom in a simple communal flat; we decide that I will go out to buy some Coca Cola and other items for a pleasant snack; a  man enters the room and converses with my love in a friendly way, he is very confident in a laidback way, and a single man; while I am away, the real love that dares not speak its name - jealousy- enters my mind, and in a powerful fearful way - is she being unfaithful right this minute with that man, who lives in her neighbouring room?

Jealousy and fear. Irrational. The tendency to be jealous must be a natural weakness of the human mind, in its irrational fear.

Wikipedia describes "morbid jealousy" or "delusional jealousy" as a disorder also nicknamed "Othello syndrome". Wow. I'd never seen this information until I just looked it up to double check that there is a syndrome of thinking called delusional jealousy. Phew. Thinking your lover is having illicit relations with others when going to a public toilet, out of the room, or spending time with your best friend; I even once spent a short time outside her flat watching to see if she would leave after me, late one night. Ironically, the delusions came true, she formed a deep emotional attachment to my best friend, and I discovered them embracing one night in secret - merely embracing, but illicitly. I tried to make her confess, sat her down made her write, tears were coming from her eyes. There was nothing really to confess; he was my faithful friend and would not cross a line - close as brothers, yet we broke off contact soon after. I was mad. mad with jealousy, sometimes utterly heart-rended. My later withdrawal could have been a kind of emotional exhaustion, from all this.

This delusional jealousy is a pitiful state, truly inhabiting the ghost of Othello in all its drama and tragedy. My downfall - delusional jealousy. But hold one, didn't we say that cannabis was my downfall? This is that other piece of the puzzle, clearly. Illness onset with intense use of cannabis, and proceeded to take root and grow through yet further intense use of the illegal drug. It can only be that prior to this initial experience of jealousy was a quiet unhinging of my mentality, a loosening of the screws that would deny me the capacity to limit and disregard jealous thinking, or allow me to be afraid of infidelity in that situation in the first place.

I suppose it is natural for love to trust, and very natural for strong love not to question, even when suspicious - thus I remained silent. And more and more silent, not expressing myself at all. That's a kind of silence, that once overt in tantrums-without-explanation, is very injurious,  that must have caused a pain of similar proportions in the one I loved. But really, this episode gave me peaks of emotion almost unrivalled, except by thinking my father had been murdered, later on during that initial full breakdown that was to come with further cannabis abuse and isolation. But I'm still here.

So what about withdrawal? It first came in the withdrawal of verbal communication in not expressing my fears, - the suspiciousness, the jealousy. It then came in the withdrawal of my social abilities, I suppose as I became different in my mind and lost normality; it was like I had lost all 'presence' all powerfulness when in a social scene - physically I was withdrawn, shoulders huddled up, looking down, looking around with shyness, not able to think fast enough to contribute speech to conversations - and interested in other things through delusion maybe, through new religious fervour that had spontaneously begun with cannabis use. Then finally I withdrew inside, pushed the boat out; now I was ready to not talk, to not talk to others in 'social' settings - and even not talk when spoken to. Later my silence would infuriate my father, who misunderstood it as an offense.

Love, innocence of danger, cannabis use, subtle derangement, delusional jealousy, SILENCE, withdrawal, full madness.

So perhaps, if the opposite of withdrawal is reunion, then, (for me at least), it begins with a word spoken, with the opening of my mouth spontaneously and bravely to speak in a friendly way.

Remember this: speak up! It's so important! Share your thoughts. It's OK. And forget about being afraid of how others might react.

If the tragedy is withdrawal, then the illness is repaired by speaking and establishing anew meaningful connections with others - which action can seem so hard to someone who has developed a vritual phobia of social contact (the alarm bell in the stomach that alerts to the presence of "people"). What about the internal aspect, the return to the world from within? It must begin with willingness and intent, a full, living and hearty desire to commune and be a member of the Whole in awareness (as well as in fact, which is unchanging), a desire that is fed by thoughts that recognise the Light in the world and the love in society (whatever the health of society might be today).

I guess that's all. And the motto is "Health in Unity" and "Happiness in Unity". Saints say the way to become close to God is to serve humanity, and it is said that we do not know ourselves until we interact with other beings. Not just mother, father, brother, sister; not just beloved dog, cat or horse, (angels though they are, with four feet). Love all people; there is Light within everyone (whatever they say). It's a Divine wish, a wish of God that we love one another, for we are all so special to God.

I read that the Universe reciprocates to this effect: feed others and you will be fed; so if you are 'hungry', Get Up And Feed Another! And be faithful that in that reunion you will find the meaning that restores happiness to you.

Wishing you readiness and willingness to enter into community again, for your full health and happiness,

Mr S

Solutions To Spiritual Attack: A Summary

This is a very important post for anyone experiencing unsettling psychic phenomena.

In this post I'd like to gather together some of the solutions that have emerged in the content of this blog.
Here they are:

1. Grounding: Just like in household electrical circuits, the human organism (including its spiritual nature, the 'biofield' or 'aura') sometimes benefits from shedding excess spiritual energy. This apparently is done through passing the excess energy down a special cord that extends from the base of the spine deep into the energetic fabric of the Earth. If we are not well-connected with the Earth we are not strong. There are many ways of grounding, from visualising the grounding cord being wide and extending deep into the Earth, to engaging in physical activities of various sorts, like running or walking or gardening. Think of how much the Earth gives you, and develop your relationship with the Earth. In my experience, the Earth is alive, just as some religions hold.
2. Mental Hygiene: think positive affirmations, pray, think about things that make you happy, laugh, focus your mind on things that make you happy and are good for the world and other beings, be spiritual, be religious, keep clear of harshness, cultivate kind thoughts and loving emotions and emotions of peace. Don't dwell on the thought of your misfortune in suffering - metaphysically-speaking, thought is magnetic. Be compassionate and forgiving to yourself and others when you encounter expressions of Life that you find are not wholesome. Wholesomeness is the way to health.
3. Auric Hygiene: mental hygiene will help you have auric health (a healthy aura). Active grounding will help you have auric health. So will good nutrition (good diet) - and good company and occupation (nothing too stressful, and nothing that is bad for the Whole of Life). Beyond that you can visualise spiritual light coming to you and filling your aura, lightening it and making it healthy. Golden light is very healing and 'transmutes' auric dirt and pollution. There are many recommended ways of cleansing the aura to be found online (and in books) - and you will find them if you use a search engine to look for information on psychic protection.
4. Shielding: Imagine that you are surrounded by a giant egg shell that has the broad end beneath you and the small end above your head, whose shell is about three or four feet away from your body; imagine that this shell is invisible and filled with the brightest light, brighter than a sunny and warm summer's day; imagine that the shell is quite tough and permits good energy to come through and is not present to other energy - no unwelcome energy can get in. Do this daily, twice in the beginning, morning and night, and then once a day after a few weeks of practise. 
5. Intention: Metaphysically speaking, your intention will determine your experience. As the Buddha said, wholesome mind bears good fruit. Be true and good, and you will come to 'good fortune', your experiences will be full of goodness. For more information on this kind of thinking read about "manifestation" or pick up a copy of "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne from your local library.
6. Outside Help: The local person who knows. The exorcist, the priest, the healer, the shaman. Failing that - if you can't find such a person - pray, and have faith. Like the great Padre Pio says, "Pray, hope, and don't worry". Pray for celestial guardians to come to you. Mine are deceased friends and relations, but they could be angels, or God or similar Beings of Light, of the Highest vibration in  the universe.
7. Medical Professionals: ...can help. They can help you sleep (with medicine), they can help you be happy (medicine, talking therapy) they can give you advice (eg to practise mindfulness meditation, to exercise, to eat well), they may well be able to help you with strong medication (to think clearly and be free from troubling perceptions), and they may help you be safe (by keeping you in hospital, watching you and looking after you). These people have good intentions, they are helpful, although they may not have any beliefs in the spiritual reality.
8. Rest: Remember, this will pass.
9. Hope: keep a gentle hope alive in your heart that change will come. Remember there is Light in the world.
10. Stay Positive: Have you heard of the positivist school of psychology? It's brilliant. It's a kind of thinking about life that says by focusing on the times when you are happy, by making good connections with the world (with people/animals) and being active you will be happy (and not sad all the time, ie depressed). Secondly, keep your heart open, don't let the ones that bully/torment/bother you become devils, be compassionate towards them; they are different beings, with God-given Freedom and Dignity (just like you); say a prayer everyday for them to be healed of their distress (the cause of their hostility).

Well that's all. I'm pleased with that list. What more do I have to write on this blog now? (!)


If you have good self-discipline, this list will be easy for you and will help you a lot; if you don't have good self-discipline, then this was the place on the Internet where you once read a list of ideas that would really help you...

Good luck!



Mr S

Like-minded Souls

It's my belief that many people have spiritual experiences within a condition diagnosed as schizophrenia and they feel a little at sea from going unvalidated by their supervising health professionals. Them I call like-minded souls! [See post title].


The consultant psychiatrist who helps me insists that there are only five senses.


In point 2 of the About Me section, I assert my right to a belief in Spirit; by Spirit I mean "the Deity" and all spiritual reality (for example Heaven, the Afterlife). I believe that it is by the subtle spiritual senses that we know Spirit; for example, how do we hear the voice of God and all the celestial 'angels' of every manner, except by clairaudience?

But all this makes no difference to those without faith in the existence of Deity. Still, "those who have ears to hear, let them hear."