Change of Heart

Looking back through some old posts - I have been writing now for over ten years, which 'plots' a journey and is a good achievement - I notice a habit in my writing about the voices.


I was just reading in a book about the power of love to change lives, and about how love "does not judge or criticise." I have been heavily critical of the voices.

We have different ways of speaking about the same thing - we can be angry or generous, angry or patient, angry or kind. I would say anger is not itself an evil, it serves a purpose, but I read of it being called the poison of the world! That is, the first thing to look at and change in ourselves.

What do you call these voices? Given that spiritual scientists say it is possible to have intrusive spirit entities with us, and it is possible that these can influence our minds and being and be heard as interior voices. Given that the voice hearing experience can be based in reality, what do we call them? Naming can be a shaming and a cause of conflict - that's an archetypal human issue. We have options.

Secondly, how do you talk further in describing these voices? Mine are problematic to me, I find they are often opposing my wellbeing and sabotaging my mental strength. How do I describe them in themselves? They seem to come from a lower place than myself (or anyone I know) and are rarely in great calm and stability and normal generosity. As soon as you fix a description of someone, it is creative and begins to call forth a repetition of the pattern of its qualities. It matters what words you use to describe. If you hold a high thought, it creates a high reality in response - that's metaphysical truth of how the universe works. You can think high thoughts about the voice-beings - or about anyone.

I have been responding with criticism. Basically, getting angry with them for being harsh to me, from a place of expectation that they should understand to treat others better, just as I understand. Sometimes or quite often, when they choose their routine of deliberate hurting, I might get angry and use language choices that are harsh though seemingly appropriate to describe them. This is criticism that is not very helpful, effectively giving them back like for like (returning harshness). Praise heals a person and a relationship. It is actually going to save a situation and bring in change to look for ways to praise and leave off from criticising. Because what is happening? It is merely a moment where you have the moral high ground; in another moment, you probably might not be in the right. The idea of fairness driving the criticism I would call a kind of illusion.

You have to be very careful, I think, not to denigrate when you are angered by another, and not to label them when they do something repeatedly, because it perpetuates trouble and division and suffering. Good words change the world. That's not a new idea: I was reading about the two millennia old religion we call Zoroastrianism that has the motto to live by "Good thoughts, good words, good deeds" as a path of closeness to God.

I have to find ways to bring in peace, and I don't do that by choosing more dramatic language, more condemning language or more disrespectful language, neither do I do it by staying in what is quite volatile anger and emotion of disgust. Instead, I could be feeling patience, generosity, kindness. There are 'keys' to do this, for example the one I noticed about expectation - you can't expect everyone to have perfect moral understanding in every case (which is doing good without thought of reward and also neither doing deliberate harm nor retaliating to harms).

I understand better just recently about forgiveness and the humility it involves and how I can forgive.

Part of the problem is the Problem of Rest. If you can't move away from a social/ego threat you get worn down. It is a problem of spaciousness, having voices as I do, they are always there! People require conscious rest like they require air, food, water and love. My voices can be unloving. If I don't rest enough, which easily happens, eventually I will be unloving back. I will find a way to verbally retaliate or even intimidate somehow or criticise. This is not unique and personal to me, it is standard for anyone who does not have perfect power and control for some reason. Maybe you saw the behaviour at some stage growing up and took it on; maybe you are tired or hurt; maybe you have not reached maturity in years; maybe you didn't grow up in a utopia! I can give myself grace for that behaviour, though I would like to change it.

Recently I found that I can use ambient noise (a loud water fountain) and at the same time some quite loud music (music that is more 'neutral') and I can meditate with all that noise and get into some conscious restfulness and recharge myself. It helps because the sound is loud and more ambient. Still it's an effort to meditate and I don't like to do it every day. This method mostly stops me from hearing the interior voices, and then the mind naturally heals up a bit, which is great! Maybe you readers out there in Internetland with difficult interior voices could try this.

These days I don't call the ones talking into my brain 'devils' or demons or damned or infernal, I don't like to label them as wicked. I think those are old terms based on superstition and not psychologically literate. The ones I have known are not actual demonic beings at all, but human beings awaiting transformation by Divine Love.
I have read of them being called lower spirits, which can be useful, but even that can sound derogatory. I would advise against labelling them negative or hostile. I could call them "entities" - a common term for "uninvited auric residents" among spiritual healers - but it sounds too impersonal as they are still spirits of human beings (the ones I have had). I keep a journal, and when I write about them, I have been making myself call them venerable, out of new understanding and to bring balance. Venerable spirits! After the Buddhist tradition of seeing all life as venerable. You can. I am reschooling myself not to retaliate - part of that involves respect.

It is worth closing with a Buddhist teaching "The Five Methods for Removing Annoyance". This shares how we can hold goodwill, compassion and 'onlooking equanimity' towards those who might annoy us, while ignoring them where possible and affirming that the venerable being in question has responsibility for the effects of their choices. Doing all that we come from a high level. I have been helped a lot by this.


I hope you have benefited from this post. I am growing and beginning to see better ways of relating to the human beings I am aware of in Spirit. I see now that love is part of the release process; I think anything other than love will only bind you closer.

Progress Report Very Good Long General Post On Spirit Attachment/Haunting

I am not 100% sure that my inner conversations with spirits in lower state are really objectively real. I certainly believe it is possible for a person to be haunted and talk to spirits they can't see, who are there all the time.

My "attaching spirits" came when I was in psychiatric hospital. I was in distress, afraid of another patient and I felt a watermelon sized orb 'jump' from that patient into my aura area. After that time I heard a voice of the same ethnicity as that patient who had been near me.

There are other signs, such as, I knew the full name of that patient, and the spirit has the same given name and family name (information I have picked up over the years of attaching).

In the first year I was as if in a dream and accepted the haunting soul as a friend... Bear in mind I had just had a breakdown. Then after that first year, he turned malicious for a reason unknown to me and began to bully me with harsh language.

That was nearly twelve years ago that I was in hospital and this began.

I believe, as many spiritual healers do, that it is possible for people to pick up these orb-souls who are themselves attached to the things of Earth life (in the case of my attachee, cannabis and sexual congress) and who may be afraid to go on (he had committed a crime) and who may or may not be someone with a history that has led them to choose to be psychologically violent (as my attaching ones are). 

At present I have this long-standing spirit and one other of two years' attachment and a third that changes completely every few months, as well as transient 'visitors' who come to add criticism or harassment. 

I read a long time ago that if these types of being come to you, there are probably three of them at once, and also they are able to come to you in moments of weakness like unconsciousness and after trauma (like for me, psychiatric breakdown).

I had in fact had the sensation of more distant, unidentifiable souls watching over my mind and pushing my thoughts around to hurt me in dark ways for some eight years previous to the intrusion at the hospital. This surveillance began after I recovered from psychotic breakdown in 1999 which was brought on by intensive cannabis smoking, starting after one month and progressing through a total of ten months of intensive use. Drugs, according to the spiritual community, of any kind, whether alcohol or cannabis up to the powerful hallucinogens, can weaken the aura's boundaries and make it permeable to spirit intrusion.

I write this to help others. I don't feel I am breaking any great taboo, because there are many who guide on this subject online, I only write from experience as well, adding what I have known.

I have quite a lot of insight on psychic conflict and dealing with abusive minds without much personal space or distance. It is a daily fight, but now I come to realise that if I fight to defend myself, whether in defending my sense of space inside or my sense of basic comfort, or my self-image, or what appears to be the truth or what is good - if I perform any of these apparently essential functions, I reinforce their reasons to attack and their illusions that lead them to aggression.

This may as well be arguing about the way the moon tastes with someone who thinks it is made of green cheese... I'd like to open up a little door here, and say that all of this is a simple extension of the belief in the persistence of life beyond death, which journey most souls make in a simple fashion, while others after dying seek to stay near Earth out of fear of the Life beyond or confusion as to what happened at death, or out of 'attachment' to Earthly things. Some may have had little spiritual belief or have been less conscientious in Life and so gravitate backwards after their reality suddenly expands at death.

Dying is one thing, it is said that after dying there is a grand spiritual experience, like an encounter with Grace in full. So no need to worry about that. But there is also choice over what happens then. Spirits (people liberated from mortal form) either go up to further evolution or cling to Earth. I believe in universal salvation, so all of Life keeps on moving and changing and growing and becoming brighter and warmer. Every soul finds its way Home. Not a home that exists on Earth somewhere down your street, but a world more perfect and beautiful and joyful that is eternal. Everything changes.

Do I need to write anything about Deity, that is all-powerful and great and good? I believe in a Deity, and would like to know that One better. It is said God's nature is bliss that could be described as like a million pleasures at once, and that God is Love so great that He gave HIs son Jesus to us on Earth knowing that soul was so great he would be killed for that greatness.

What is God's will in haunting, which can seem so confusing? I have to believe that universally, God fully prefers mortal people to be undisturbed by Earthbound spirits. There are complexities of metaphysical explanations as to what is going on, but I think we are guided to health and happiness in Life when there are such conditions. We are not left abandoned to the situation. 

Why can I hear intelligent-sounding voices in my brain that have no obvious immediate  physical origin? Astounding. It is called being psychic, in these times. In other words, it is a human faculty to hear the voices of gods and ghosts - we can know Spirit. (Some traditions call Deity "Spirit"). Extra-sensory perception is actually spiritual perception, knowing of a spiritual reality beyond that dense world of the five senses.

In this way, haunting shows us our sensitivity as we are aware of a world beyond that otherwise known.

I have written enough here for now. Thank you for reading, and be safe!

  

    

More On Telepathy

I have read online somewhere that the cells in the brain that are responsible for telepathy are the ends of the neurons, called "dendrites". I think these areas are activated in people who report telepathic awareness. In my case there was a psychic denuding, experiencing a sense of mental nudity, but I think things went further, so that there was a raising of awareness, becoming more actively telepathic, and that there was some damage done also to this part of me, leaving uncomfortable openness and spiritual vulnerability. That's what I think: I opened and opened and opened until I broke my mind. It is in this damaged inner space that angry spirits intrude and can successfully exert some dominating force (possessing my thinking). Things are broken in there, to my disadvantage. And these souls also will direct malevolence to other people through my telepathic power. And God doesn't stop them. (I stop them by not watching much TV or going to theatre, concerts and so on). God doesn't stop them. It's God's wisdom that puts individual freedom ahead of group well-being. Freedom is more important; every free moment is a moment for self-discovery, meaning that God does not step in and therefore deny to the unquiet souls the opportunity to consciously become salvation-minded  

But it hurts!

Why... how can I describe the last thirteen years of mental struggle and slow evolution? The first point is that those who go before have gained knowledge that can ease the paths of those who follow. That's a great thing. To one day help someone progress past obstacles and avoid unnecessary suffering.

Interesting that a description of this journey also means tackling referring to the world of Spirit, and referring to being mistreated by 'demonic' spirits. All the time "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", healing goes on and one day there won't be room for intruders to come in and cause upset.

By the way, well done for getting past the bit about broadcasting telepathy, if you got past it!! I know this is a topic vulnerable to skepticism, but it's something that happens. The condition here can be summed up as "telepathic openness in connection with demonic beings". This is the point which my sanity hangs on!! I have a joke that if you don't ask me about ESP or demons, then I am just as normal as anyone else. Actually this is like a religious belief that someone else does not share, an irreconcilable difference in belief that is respectfully overcome by tolerance. That's it. Being psychically active and not in immediate harmony with the spirit world we now encounter is the diagnosis. 

I prayed just a moment ago, thinking of the Virgin Mary, and I heard a female voice comment that I was sending out a wish to be met by Mary's white light (the auric energy of white light, which is God's 'colour', God's energy).  I often pray to her, but never thought about her light. The Virgin Mary is a very serious intercessor for each of us. She will always care for those who look to her for help.There is a kind of conflict going on in my mind, with the others taking delight in injury - they are unquiet souls, emotionally out of touch with God's nature, and finding more happiness in being full of hate. 

Another "hearing", from my (deceased) father, said to a spirit nearby (an unhappy wanderer), may be what you wish to read: "We ask of you the same that we ask of [...me, Mr S]: that you are not submissive". This is the key, then. Even if we cannot beat them in force, we can find peace and detachment and godliness in refusing to feel small and worthless. We are worthy of honour. We are part of a living Universe whose power transcends all conflicts. We need not feel afraid. This is a very important point. Essentially, it means that we should peacefully be aware of our dignity in the presence of an opposing force. Not to cower or beg; not to rage or injure, but assert that you and your well-being matter. To meet psychological attack with a higher awareness. 

There is some good information in this . Why do some people have their psychology upside down? Why are they hateful? God didn't make them that way.

What an amazing thing it must be for the Heavenly ones to restrain themselves from adding to conflict no Earth, or restrain themselves too from taking away suffering when it is in God's wisdom for the suffering to continue.

Wrath! New Psychiatrist, Diagnosis and Clozapine

Saw my new psychiatrist today.

Lots of history talk - my life history. Then the diagnosis. I think she was okay until I started to tell her about bad spirits exerting force on my thoughts to direct them towards painful ideas and cause me suffering. She explicitly said that it was the fact that I said there were spiritual forces manipulating my thoughts that had her worried - and earned me the diagnosis of schizophrenia.

It's not nice to be told you are insane - when you believe you are not. It hurts, like losing or being disqualified.

So then, on to medication. I had explained that the emotional pain was so frequent that I feel it in my body (around the diaphragm) - tiredness and pain. Could she do anything about it? Her answer was clozapine, because my condition was partially resistant to treatment. With clozapine, she said, there is a 50/50 chance of recovery - and a 1/100 of permanent damage to white blood cell generation (which is why once weekly blood tests are necessary); starting clozapine you also need to be admitted to hospital to be tested for blood pressure changes as well.

She also told me I should definitely take medicine for the rest of my life. She believed that if I came off anti-psychotic medication, I would be okay for a while, and then my health would deteriorate.

"Some people have one episode of psychosis, and then recover, but should always take medicine to prevent any recurrence. Another group of people have recurring episodes of breakdown [people like me, she said] - and these people should always take medicine. And another group never recover - and they should always be medicated as well."

The doc also did not know what clairaudience was. I had taken in a book I am reading and really value, called "Basic Psychic Development". She knew nothing about what being psychic is! I asked her if she was interested in it. I asked her how she could give a diagnosis when she knew nothing about this system of beliefs. I asked her if she believed in an invisible reality, as so many world religions do.

Nope, she didn't. Her belief system versus mine, she said - and who could tell who is right? Better to keep taking the medicine.


I believe I would be more myself without medicine, less repressed in so many ways. Do I really need them? I survived okay without them before (when undiagnosed,. back in 2000). The only thing that remains is my supposed spiritual perceptions, which I am at least used to, even if I haven't adapted to them yet.
I suppose there is a danger of psychotic breakdown through stress - but that can happen anyway, medicated or not - I know that much from previous experience (my second episode in 2008).


I was brought low by the idea of being on medication for life. I was also shocked by the risk of permanent damage to my system by clozapine. I was thirdly really brought low by following the doctor's idea that I was hallucinating every voice and every force on my thoughts, and that there s no invisible, "extra-sensory" reality - and I left the clinic thinking "Great: I'm TOTALLY crackers" (that means, 'completely insane' in the English idiom!) Not a nice feeling.
Hence the title of the post, "Wrath!" I feel low, and rebounding from that I feel angry that I have been, effectively, misjudged. I am also left wondering if the belief system of the psychiatrist will change over time. How can they ignore rare spiritual possibilities behind mental suffering?





What to do now?




The thought occurred to me, the host of heaven must resent the fact that we pretend we can't hear them when they come close, and that we suspect we are crazy when they speak to us.

When spirits came near after my doctor's appointment, I joked with them that I couldn't hear them / wouldn't listen to them, because they weren't real!




I would actually like to try clozapine - but then there's the old cliche that I wouldn't like to lose my 'good'
 voices. I actually think they wouldn't go, but that the clozapine might close down the parts of the brain that open me to the bad spirits. There it is. Crazy, or not...?


I think I'm going to go for clozapine treatment - probably in August this year. I still believe that I'm pretty much mentally healthy in my perceptions and thinking, but I am also open to the possibility of clozapine taking away the painful patterns my mind is subject to.


Thanks for reading.

We are spiritual pioneers

If you are experiencing spiritual phenomena that others do not recognise, maybe it would help to see yourself as a spiritual pioneer.

There is much awakening at this time in spirituality and through our interactions with the world of spirit.

This is a blog about ill health caused by spirit hostility, and as such I, and maybe you too, are here looking for a solution to this condition. It is largely "uncharted territory", and we are among its pioneers.

It maybe that we are as a race progressing towards a time of knowing when we understand ourselves to be more than just flesh and blood, that we are beings who can have a magical influence on each other, (whether beneficial or otherwise).

We are spiritual pioneers. Good luck!

02 June 2011 Notes

No complaints. I don't hear complaints from the spirits around me stuck on Earth. Some of them are vituperative, rude. Some are fairly friendly.

If you could listen to my thoughts, you would know that I sometimes complain, and that I wonder what can make up for ten years of mental hardship being psychologically abused from within my mind space.

Some years ago I went to a doctor and asked for pain medicine to ease my mental suffering. "What do you mean, mental pain? Do you mean emotional pain?" He wasn't sure what I meant, and I wish I'd told him that the pain I feel is the same pain that we humans feel when someone insults us or uses rude language towards us. That would have made things clearer.

Mediumistic psychic attack at the conscious level, which must be extremely rare, parallels psychological abuse of all kinds, whether between married people or as a form of interrogation and torture. I have insight into that mental control that can take place as one tries to dominate another, noticing that it might work by "second-guessing" another, for example, or in some way preventing them from being 'assertive' and mentally strong to the extent that they cannot express themselves in ordinary sentences of speech without being contradicted. I go through some pretty major insults and trickery and 'obfuscation', as if they are toying with me (playful malice), but I am lucky in that they do not attempt to take away my power to be assertive. It is more a case of discrediting and insulting me, which is a kind of psychic violence.

Why do words hurt?

Why can words of insult or coarseness cause injury and irritation?

A secondary symptom is that I hear so much that I get comments from Earthbound spirits around me to the effect that I get a sore mind from being exposed to a sense of humour (jokes) that are far from what I feel is good. We are chalk and cheese. Why is it there are so many of these spirits? they all have the same rude sense of humour!, be it sexist, racist, or otherwise plainly excessively mischievous.

The Christian tradition calls such spirits, Earthbound ones, "Spiritus immundus" (singular), impure spirits. They certainly are that in their humour! And that humour 'perfectly' blends into hostile and abusive psychic energy.

I once went to an abbey, and heard a priestly voice say, with pity, "you are unclean". He meant that I am spiritually defiled (and I suppose also contagious) through being subject to mental intercourse with spirits of impure emotionality and intent. Strange to hear that from a spirit. (The definition of unclean I just gave was from a dictionary).

The troublesome spirits cause confusion, whether by actually interfering with my body language in public situations making me seem untrustworthy (! - true, such is their influence over my psyche), and also misleading others, higher or earthbound, spirits about my thoughts. Now I ring an imaginary bell to indicate that I am under attack, and it actually helps clarify for those spirits around me what is going on. (This must be hard to understand! But these are the facts of my everyday life). When the troublesome spirits mess with my thoughts to make them unpleasant and rude, it often is not just an injury to me but it looks for an instant like they are exactly my thoughts. So now I ring the bell (like lepers used to do to signify they were 'unclean' and contagious). The bell helps to signify that there is spiritual danger to anyone in spirit who notices.

OK, that was too hard to understand and believe, I'm sure. But I feel my normal self writing this.


There must be so many unhappy spirits either stuck on Earth or spirits of ill will close by Earth that cause humanity pollution. There must be so many of them. I wonder what God is doing about them. I wonder what God thinks about them - or rather, how he would describe them to me - he/she wouldn't say they are psychopathic, dysfunctional, because those words are dysfunctional. But still, the spirits in question must do a lot of harm, they do evil; however, essentially, they are not evil beings, because they exist, they are creatures of God.

Shortly after coming out of psychiatric hospital a few years ago, I heard a spiritual voice say "We're glad you're not mad anymore." It was just once that I heard that voice. It is very touching to have heard those words. I know it was an earthbound spirit - I can tell earthbound spirit from mortal telepathic, and good-natured spirits from badly-mannered and evil-behaved ones; I know the difference between a celestial voice and an Earthbound voice, just from having heard them once.



I have to ask myself, why don't I do something about this, and go on a massive campaign to track down someone in the world who is more psychic, more knowing and more healthy than I am who can put things right for me. Why not? Answer: a lack of mindfulness; and busy-ness; and loss of faith; and beliefs of scarcity of people with such skills; and maybe I'm not ready to be healed yet, who knows. So I have to forgive myself. It's something I consciously wish to do later, soon, but not now. For instance I'm busy now, about to move house (hopefully). but maybe I should start some distance healing with the person I have in mind. I think I'll do that actually! Contact them and ask them to see what they can do from afar (I am quite a long way from where they are, it involves a special trip).

A happy moment. We'll see what happens. I guess I'll feel happier for doing something about this, this unbelievable situation of fully conscious psychic attack by negative-thinking 'demoniac' spirits and overcrowding by ghosts.

Madness: How Do You React?

My world-view is very spiritual. I am a very spiritual person in my thinking, and I feel close to God. I have a firm belief in the persistence of Life after physical expiration (I believe there is a Heaven). I have had numerous experiences of Divinity and perceptions of Divine power, so my belief in God is also strong. I have certain experiences I label as paranormal, within a spiritual framework. But what if you call all this madness? What if, for you, there is no 'sixth sense'?


Being on the receiving end of such pronouncements, I can tell you that the response to my beliefs that discredits them as madness and irrational creates division, and seems to be a breeding ground for disrespect. My question here is this: is there a way of disagreeing with someone, of being skeptical of what they say, that does not create a division or disrespect that person? With madness, there is an accentuating of the personal difference that exists between us all; the mad person is not just unique, but different in mentality, and in a way that requires more effort than usual to be harmonious with them.


In the UK, a long time ago, it used to be that people deemed insane were not allowed to vote - they were a kind of lesser person. It was the same for women and criminals too! That's just a point about how we see the insane, and where we have come from.

It used to be that what I believed made no sense, and now, even though I can display a clear system of belief, and quote authorities, I feel some near to me are more than skeptical of what I say. There's a distance there, presumably in the fear of madness (which itself can be seen to be rooted in the fear of the incomprehensible violence that psychotically deluded people sometimes commit).


There's something strange in being told that what you are thinking is wrong. It can be a confrontational moment, and a moment of discomfort or exclusion.

It must be that nurses in psychiatric wards are adept in responding to delusional beliefs, responding not just with compassion, but with humour, and with care. I think this is ideal. If you think I'm mad, please hold the thought gently - because I'd rather not be distanced by that.


There must be a better way of disagreeing with someone and telling them that they are seeing things fundamentally wrongly, than by making them feel stupid or strange - without degrading them.

Everyone has different ways of responding to difference, whether rigid or flexible. Are you a tolerant person? How do you respond to human diversity? Are you open-minded? Can you engage with me emotionally and be gentle when you state that I am misled in my thinking? Or do you have no time for people who are ill, do you effectively disrespect the insane as 'lesser people'?

_______

My world-view, concerning my health, begins with an invitation to believe in the spiritual, and continues into a description of the paranormal; the consideration of the reality of an extra-sensory, spiritual dimension to Life is important in meeting me intellectually. Spirituality, it seems to me, is very much a cultural issue, - it is not a dimension of experience readily believed in my part of the world culture... Where are the spiritual psychiatrists I can discuss my condition with? The condition goes like this:

1. Life on Earth
2. God
3. soul
4. Afterlife
5. Heaven
6. 'Unascended' people in spirit
7. Harmful mental interactions with unascended people in spirit

There is only one way to know about an extra-sensory, spiritual dimension to Life... and that is through extra-sensory perception. More correctly, we can also know the spiritual  through books, which report others' extra-sensory experiences. I look forward to developments within psychiatry that have respect for people with spiritual beliefs, not treating them as 'lesser people'...

In the mean time, I repeat, if you think my perceptions are false, and my beliefs are erroneous, please hold that thought gently, because I am, after all, still your dignified human brother.

Still Banging This Drum: Competing Realities

New clarity: that mine is a spiritual world-view, and is opposed to a material world-view.


Would my psychiatrist claim that there are only five senses if he had ever heard or seen or sensed with his mind directly? No,  not likely.
His is a clear material view. No God, no soul, simply a mind, five senses and a body, that's it. That's reality.


Oppositely, the spiritual world-view includes

A Deity / Deities
The individual soul and perseverance of the soul into eternity
The ability to sense spiritual reality (of God/ spirits) with the mind directly

and much more (for example, beliefs in reincarnation).

I'm quite happy with my world-view. I believe it entirely. OK, honestly, the weight of authority against me occasionally makes me wonder if I am hallucinating everything, but only for an instant. then I come back to all the friendly interactions I have. the interactions I have are mostly friendly, anyway, usually from allies from Heaven, of friends and family who have transcended to the spiritual life.


Lets look at this carefully:

Most people are not actively spiritually sensitive.
Many people call themselves spiritual but have little or no knowledge of the detail of life and the Other World that someone who has researched spiritual sensitivity has, for example a member of a Spiritualist Church.

This places spiritually sensitive people in a minority, and makes those not sensitive largely ignorant of some aspects of life.
One step further from religious beliefs, which are so common - one step further than arguments over the existence of God is the reality of the spiritually sensitive, partly hemmed in by skeptics and James Randls. As I said, I'm quite happy with my world-view. It's a good world, largely, with all its love, friendship and hope.

And need it be said that one step further from spiritualism (holding a spiritual world-view and believing in/possessing spiritual sensitivity) is any manner of conditions characterised by suffering from negative spiritual interactions. The rarity of this kind of suffering makes it so much less credible to most, though no less real. As I said in a recent post, spiritual teachers often advocate methods of spiritual self-protection, such as shielding.

For a spiritual problem, it is necessary to find a spiritual solution. Thus probably devaluing the interventions of medical psychiatry. (My psychiatrist has agreed to me cutting down on anti-psychotic medicine, as I have told him I would like to try life without it; I believe that I will be well, better off emotionally, and able to cope with my suffering - I don't think I absolutely need the medicine. But medicine is a tricky issue - always take the utmost care and make important decisions with your supervising professional). It is likely not going to help going to a materialist for help with your spiritual problem. I know how it feels to be told you are ill when you are crying out for help, - to be ignored and made wrong. There are many professional spiritual 'helaers' who can deal with problems due to negative spiritual interactions. I have found a number of such individuals in London, who I have on a list to see. I have been living with Earthbound spirit-people for years, have come to a full awareness of the fact, and am ready to deal with it, and will see atop UK professional in the area of spirit release this winter. I will record the results of that here on this blog, of course -and if she is unable to help, I will find someone else, and so on until I can get a solution.

So, I'm going to dare to say it: if you feel sure that you are suffering from spiritual problems based on negative interactions, or something similar, and people tell you you are insane, get a second opinion. There are in fact an abundance of people who can help. The people who can help you will be those who hold a spiritual world-view and believe in the reality of 'extra-sensory perception'. You can be well.

"Delusions Of Reference": What It's Like On The Inside

Delusions of reference, as I understand it, is when you watch TV or films, or listen to music or the radio etc, and think that there is some personal communication going on between you and the media involved, when there isn't.

When I get this, I feel a surge of force coming in apparently from outside me, with hostile intent attached to said force, and then some negativity will leave me like an arrow fired from a bow - and the negativity will be some very deprecating observation intended to cause emotional injury, and this apparent communication occurs more on a dimension of knowing than on a verbal telepathic basis.


OK, so in the spiritual outlook, people have varying degrees of sensitivity. Some people may be aware of being stared at from behind (the famous scenario when you're sitting on the bus/train and feel someone reading your newspaper over your shoulder). Some people may be responsive to others brooding over their personal faults. Some people can go through life, living three score and ten years, and never have a psychic spiritual experience of any kind. Then you have Colin Fry, Gordon Smith, Derek Acorah - the fully-functioning mediums, people born with great spiritual sensitivity. Me? I claim to be clairaudient, and disagree that 'hearing voices' is always a sign that a brain is malfunctioning and producing perceptual distortions/auditory hallucinations. I also believe in telepathy, which is some form of direct mind-to-mind communication. Most often it is supposed to occur under episodes of heightened emotion, and even then it depends upon someone sensitive to 'send' the thought. With me, I feel psychically 'naked' in public, as if my telepathic side is broken, and some of my mental energy is forced out of me. This is more pronounced when watching television, listening to radio and so on, and I most often have a sense of interference so that a hostile energy causes me to make a telepathic connection. I usually feel that some connection is made, so I avoid mass media, to keep my karma good (!!).


If you were following this, I may have lost you in the last paragraph. Surely if everyone schizophrenic is watching a TV program, they can't all be telepathically communicating with, say, the presenter?
Well, I can only say that the interference of  a hostile person seems real, the negativity most likely feels like it does engage with the intended person. [By the way, the same interference on a knowing level occurs to injure me, normally, when the disturbance is more distant than 'local' (local being negative interactions with 'ghosts' around me)]. I wish it were not so. I like watching TV and films at will, but I abstain, partly because I believe that a disturbance is happening, and partly because I don't like the experience of having intrusion and interference. I don't think that my situation is so common. When I have these moments of intrusion and manipulation of my mind, the forces involved are very powerful. Likewise, when I am in public, the forces I feel around my mind are very powerful. It could well be that I am a powerful sender of thoughts, and my spiritual awareness is certainly high enough to allow that (already being open to Spirit in clairaudience etc), and my sensations of psychic nakedness would help any interference and direct mind-to-mind communication to occur.

I believe there could be a correlation between psychic sensitivity and schizophrenia. I believe a lot of schizophrenic people are actually psychic, powerfully psychic and often psychic in a dysfunctional way. Being ignored in this by medical helpers is a barrier to wellness - obviously the doctor might think a person is much more ill than they are if they seem to be experiencing massive psychic traffic and they count that as psychosis.

Have you seen "The Men Who Star At Goats"? All of this would have been taken seriously by them! They would have had me in their division!

I read recently that communication is telepathic, and that when we meet each other face-to-face, we join in an energetic way, and have a higher sense of knowing about each other, so we can consciously easily guess what the other is feeling, guess how their mood is and how they feel about themselves in terms of self-love and self-esteem.
I actually get interference to my face-to-face communication, so that others' first impressions of me may be negative, because of the negativity coming through me from outside. In this way I am quite mediumistic, and like a 'channel'  - it expresses not just within my mind but externally in my physical self, my eyes and face and even movements.
As I said above, there is psychic nakedness; I feel as if some mental shell is removed and damaged in me, ordinarily (presumably from intensive cannabis abuse around the age of 18). Combined with a powerful negative emotionality watching over me, it is no wonder that I feel self-conscious in public and prefer to remain at home, where I feel psychologically comfortable and more natural. This nakedness is to be noted as a significant aspect of the condition. It is a hyper-sensitivity, and probably the reason why I can feel actively watched and interfered with by the hostile ones who I believe are spirit-people, (people who were once alive in dense form on Earth and now have died, left the body and spiritually are in part-ascension and choosing to disrupt mortal life on Earth). There is a shell missing, so there is easy intrusion.


OK, this has likely been a taxing read. Quite an intricate group of statements. Class dismissed! For now...
I hope this has been helpful to the reader, providing insight into the life of the 'schizophrenic' person.

Definitions... Truth and Proof

I said I would explain my stance on the paranormal in my "My Story" post, but I didn't do it. If you look carefully, I skirted round the diagnosis and my experience of my condition, managing to hedge together the suggestion that I am experiencing 'spiritual disturbance' as well as suggesting that I acknowledge experiencing plain schizophrenic symptoms.

This weblog is a little controversial. It's not per se about coping with schizophrenia, or discussing symptoms according to the conventional medical model. This is the kind of blog, if you are a patient diagnosed with schizophrenia, that your therapist might ask you to ignore. Well what is the therapist ignoring? The spiritual realm, and all beliefs about communication with it, whether desired or undesirable communication.

And here's the medical definition of my experience that I choose: that, since a spiritual awakening, I have been open to both desirable and undesirable spiritual phenomena. Cannabis, used by Indian sadhus to open them up to Divine union, opened up my subtle spiritual senses (the psychic senses, if you will, the sixth sense) as well as deranging many of my mental faculties (causing me hallucinations and delusions).

"There are only five senses" says the doc. And no deity probably either. Not only is the rational world of Western medical science sceptical (or over-sceptical?), its position on psychicness is without proof - there is no scientific knowledge of the parts of the brain that are able to receive and transmit information in and of itself (not through the portals of doc's acknowledged five senses). It is my belief that the more refined awareness of future scientific instrumentation will certainly be able to detect the parts of the brain responsible for clairaudience, clairvoyance, telepathy and so on.


One of the reasons that what I call subtle spiritual sensitivity is a question of controversy is simply that in some people these abilities are awake (and to varying degrees) and in others they are not awake at all. Their brains have these faculties within them, but they are more or less dormant. These faculties tend to be awakened through formal spiritual practices and come into themselves on the spiritual path as a means of accessing the essence of reality and knowing 'God'.

So how can I prove that I am having 'paranormal' experiences? Usually I do not question the interpretation I hold of my day-to-day experience. Quite rarely, I wonder, is the doctor right? And begin to imagine that all manner of spirits, ghost and demons are not real. But then, what happens when we die? If there is a Heaven, we become spirits to know it. And then, also, what of God? A spiritual belief here: that the Deity hides Itself in this our dense physical realm so that It may be found. Do we disbelieve in what is hidden? Are there any willingly agnostic psychiatrists at least? This is not an area lending easily to proofs, being itself an extra-sensory realm, where our scientific instruments are at present only those people sensitive to the extra-sensory...

Sometimes a random word may come into my head, spoken, that I usually never think of, and this is a kind of half-proof of telepathy. Or, more convincingly, yet rare, a 'heard' thought. In a difficult passage of Life, my brother was experiencing mental stress. I 'heard' him think "Who am I?" as he searched for meaning. I asked him later that evening if he had thought this. his answer: yes, he had thought that earlier that evening. For me, it is unusual to have a proof like this. Recently I have spiritually heard predictions of events later in my Life, which I have no reason to distrust, and which came from spirits. Although the Future is normally not certain in all its details, in my belief, I trust that these predicitons will very likely come true.

Usually my paranormal experience extends to hearing spirits from Heaven who gather around me in support of me on my Life Journey - helpful people from Beyond. Also gathered around me, in ways I have not yet been able to shift, and presumably attracted by my sensitivity are beings I take to be unascended people who have died - ghosts. And - and this is the main problem, greater than a loss of privacy from ghostly surveillance and all that means - I also come into daily contact with beings who are able to change my thoughts and thus cause me injury out of malice and for their own reasons. Simply put, these latter beings are people who have died, and although not remaining on Earth like ghosts, they have not ascended fully to Heaven; they feel discontent and direct this at people living on Earth - and they can be called demons.

In my long search for meaning, uncorroborated by those in authority seeking to help me, I found this helpful page on the Internet: http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research14.html . I don't exactly buy all of the information on this page, but I was reassured / healed by what Arthur Yensen says under the title "Negativity must be removed to enter Heaven", and what David Oakford says underneath the title "NDE examples of the Earthbound realm." I'm asking you to believe in the testimony of those who have died and gone to Heaven and come back with accounts of it, through not dying well enough! I think those people and I, and those like me, are related; we all argue for the reality of the spiritual. I have read that spiritual disturbances on Earth occur on one level to remind us that yes, there is a spiritual aspect to Reality, and this kind of thing occurs to some people to spread awareness of the spiritual.
For me, all manner of positivity helps defend me, but I have as yet been unable to get rid of the attention of the beings bothering me. The transaction between us is like a game of to-ing and fro-ing in which I am injured and then I strengthen myself with affirmations or prayers. On the religious front, I have often wondered why God does not stop what happens, since it is more within Divine jursidiction. "Well, because it's not real, it's an illness!" you might say. Or because it's my own manifestation and I must learn to overcome it myself. God permits far worse things than spiritual oppression.


So, from schizophrenia to spiritual oppression in one easy move! There's the long and the short of my beliefs. I'm not raving about 'demons', I'm giving a rational account of beings that may be called demons because of their malicious behaviour, who are in actual fact little more than deceased people in part-ascension to Heaven who have profound emotional issues to be healed.

If anyone out there is experiencing something similar, think about this for comfort: Life is change, and change must surely come to the situation you wish were different. For me, I have recently come to realise that I 'hold many strong cards' in this game. I am in a dimension I can control, and by my choices bring about great happiness for myself. Those spirits in a kind of limbo merely have their minds as assets, which they mistakenly use against other beings; they cannot seek fruition any other way, except to ascend to the Light.


Two years ago I saw a healer who follows the ancient shamanic tradition. I began to explain my situation, and I was pleased, and remain pleased, that he believed me. He believed my account of spiritual disturbance, as opposed to being purely and totally a schizophrenic condition. I saw him again recently for a healing session, and when I enquired afterwards as to what he had found, he said that there were signs of interference to my solar plexus and crown chakras. (The chakras are subtle energy centres that extend from the body for the purpose of integrating universal energies to sustain us in physical form; the chakras, as part of the aura, are visible to those with high clairvoyant awareness.)



So, dear reader, are you willing to stand before the entirety of human history and discount testimonies of hauntings of every kind, all accounts of extra-sensory spiritual phenomena, the commandments of Jesus Christ to all his followers to cast out devils, are you willing to disbelieve in the existence of the soul, and every human tradition that uses protective methods to ward off evil and curses?

I believe that people can have these paranormal psychic experiences, of clairaudience and clairvoyance and so on, and I believe in Spiritual Life in all its facets. Isn't it possible that a person can be both psychic and psychotic?

Introducing...

Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!

A blog for scientists, parapsychologists, and people diagnosed with schizophrenia who believe in the paranormal

This blog will feature the discussion of various perspectives of schizophrenia, as well as snaphsots from the Life of its writer.

As someone who has spent 10 years down the Schizophrenia Mines, and who begins more and more to emerge from those burdensome confines, the writer hopes that the blog-entries here will prove of value to the world-wide community. Welcome.

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[If you have come to this blog looking for help with difficult parapsychic phenomena (trouble with spirits, painfully open awareness, and so on), you may wish to go directly to the post Solutions To Spiritual Attack: A Summary from 23 November 2010. This post represents my best efforts at present to put forward solutions to spiritual attack.]
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I am interested in the science of my condition; I like to read online scientific articles about schizophrenia. However, I am also a reader of parapsychological literature. You will find that my world-view is validated more by 'parapsychology' than 'science'. See what you make of it. I wish this blog to help people - those in a position like mine, and those who study the science of schizophrenia.

In 2001 I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I don't deny that I have experienced psychosis, but on the other hand, I will argue that I also experience spiritual phenomena. I am very aware that mainstream western psychology can only count five senses, and is without a soul (without a soul that sees, hears or speaks).
This blog tells a true story: the posts you will find here give an honest account of my condition and express my real opinions. It as an anonymous blog, because of the way I imagine my beliefs would be received; however, in the everyday world, I am becoming more open to telling people about my diagnosis and history. - That's a good thing. On this blog I can sound as crazy as I like: I don't have to worry about the face you'll pull when I'm writing about my beliefs on 'evil' spirits and telepathy!
You are the privileged reader of what a person diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia really thinks. And as an educated, articulate writer, and a person with schizophrenia becoming quite lucid in their thinking as they recover, I hope you will take value from this blog of autobiography and opinions on a major mental illness.
The blog is quite serious in tone - and intention. It can be 'wordy' (I try not to be!) (It can also be less than lucid, as I try to pin down the vagaries of my opinions when it comes to some aspects of my inner goings-on.) It can be cyclical, repetitive, as I work through my preferred themes and become clearer on what I write - because this practise of blogging does bring me clarity. I might change my mind about what's real, right before your eyes! But, generally this blog has an intellectual approach to my "paranormal schizophrenia", examining information and arguing points with clarity.

I am writing now to fill out this introduction, and I would also say that after a year of blogging, I feel one of its purposes is nearly filled - to help people in my position. In this way, it reads like parapsychological literature. What do I hold is my position? Call it demonic oppression; call it psychic attack. I call it profound 'psychic' vulnerability, spirit attack. I call it having a mind too open to the world of spirit and suffering from the frequent harmful attentions of hostile spirit-people. But this condition is not without solutions, and I write about these, whether they be 'self-help' or the help of those whose full-time occupations it is to work as a medium between spirits and people.
And what about those whose full-time occupation it is to work with psyches? I am not ungrateful to them! Medication has seemingly removed my irrational thinking (such as delusions of grandeur, - thinking myself to be a demi-god, etc); the medication has stabilised me and pacified me, although it has never managed to shut down the inner 'hearing' I have.
I think I am now ready to stop taking the medicine. I would still like to write about this process of coming off medication (anti-psychotic medicine), as I am planning to live drug-free and would like to document that. I am beginning to scale down my dosage of medication, with the consent of my consultant psychiatrist.

I am aware that I sound insane in my beliefs on paranormal spirituality! But that is not far away from what some people think of all spirituality! Secondly, I realise that I may be off to a losing streak arguing for spiritual reality under a banner of a diagnosis of schizophrenia!! Really though, please keep an open mind about whether people can be mentally ill and simultaneously be psychic, with all that entails.


Thank you.


Mr. S.




POST SCRIPT

To my readers,

Please feel free to leave comments throughout my blog to let me know what you think, if you agree with me or are helped by what I write. If you don't wish to, don't worry!
Thank you very much,

Mr. S.