I emerged from hospital last week, after 5 weeks on Clozaril. There is not much to say, actually, because I have only had side effects so far and am not on a therapeutic dose yet, according to the doctor.
I have felt really tired, sleeping till the afternoon, sometimes feeling faint walking about (like my blood sugar levels were affected). I had high readings for blood pressure and pulse, but that only meant that they raised the clozaril dosage slowly to be more easily accepted. I had one "amber" result but it was only a very little way under the green barrier, so I was okay to keep taking the medicine.
I noticed it made my speech slurred and disordered - I really noticed it upsetting my communication. Also my memory was affected - I had trouble remembering if I had already told someone something, in conversation, or remembering if I had done something that had happened the day before.
The speech and memory problems are not so bad now. I am still having problems of feeling faint when walking around. Last night I slept from around 11:30pm to 4:45 pm today (over sixteen hours).
Also "drooling" while asleep. And wetting the bed once (about day 3) - which is a side effect, I was told.
So that's some detail on the medicine, which I have been told is "life changing", and a "wonder drug". It hasn't started working yet! But the doctor said I could carry on noticing change for up to a year after starting. At least I have got through the hospitalisation. I coped by going to the hospital cafe every day, and enjoying the sights of the surrounding hills. And reading and writing. And I made some good connections in there with staff and patients. It really reminded me how very ill I was when I was hospitalised before, in 2008, because no one there really seemed as ill when I was in last time.
So there you go! Clozaril: not so scary or difficult, and hope for change.
Showing posts with label Schizophrenia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Schizophrenia. Show all posts
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Sunday, 20 May 2012
Popularity of Posts on Diagnosis Schizophrenia: My Drawings
In terms of written posts,. most people come here to find out about "psychic attack", and less come for my autobiography on living with psychic/spiritual attack and the blurred lines in my culture between mental suffering and being psychic or sick.
However, way more (twice the number) of people come to see my drawings, from my initial breakdown and from time since then - which is a BIG surprise! It is unexpected, and I really like that people are interested in the drawings. Those drawings (from the search item "schizophrenia drawings") are very unusual. First I was an ordinary person, capable but not overly interested in art, then I was in a borderline mental place and drawing with passion or rapture and bringing forth designs from the unconscious. These drawings I hold to be special; I have had two of them made into posters, that I framed and hung on my walls in my home, they have a special place in my life, and rise above being a symbol of illness.
For me, the main point here is that most people who come to my blog are looking for some manner of support to respond to psychic attack or spiritual warfare, perhaps also with an emphasis of being disorientated and supposed insane . In many parts of the world and among the general population, awareness of spiritual attack is obviously non-existent (and you might well know that this awareness may merely be manifested as utter skepticism), and where it does it exist, it is likely to be known as fact rather than experience, or be special knowledge held by a few or by knowing ones. Which is not surprising. Psychic attack is "a big deal", you can buy many books on "psychic protection" on Amazon now, for example, but this condition of experiencing psychic aggression in an everyday or pronounced way is, I suppose, quite or very marginal. If you are reading this, you are likely a skeptical scientist or a spiritually sensitive person. If you are here as a spiritually sensitive person, then good luck to you, it is not all bad, you must be in the grace of God and on a path with many gifts and wonders in store! Peace be with you, whatever the reason why you are reading this.
I hope I have been some help in guiding spiritually sensitive people on Earth at this time who are coping with spiritual wounds and warfare. Perhaps it is coming to the end of the 'investigation', this parapsychologist writes, as I am hopefully about to go to hospital and be initiated into the "bunker-buster" of psychiatric medications, called Clozaril, which may shut down and heal any excessive sensitivity of mind that I have. But I expect to report on that attempted treatment too, as it is also worth writing about for the world.
Until next time, good luck, and happy reading. Remember, the truth is out there...
However, way more (twice the number) of people come to see my drawings, from my initial breakdown and from time since then - which is a BIG surprise! It is unexpected, and I really like that people are interested in the drawings. Those drawings (from the search item "schizophrenia drawings") are very unusual. First I was an ordinary person, capable but not overly interested in art, then I was in a borderline mental place and drawing with passion or rapture and bringing forth designs from the unconscious. These drawings I hold to be special; I have had two of them made into posters, that I framed and hung on my walls in my home, they have a special place in my life, and rise above being a symbol of illness.
For me, the main point here is that most people who come to my blog are looking for some manner of support to respond to psychic attack or spiritual warfare, perhaps also with an emphasis of being disorientated and supposed insane . In many parts of the world and among the general population, awareness of spiritual attack is obviously non-existent (and you might well know that this awareness may merely be manifested as utter skepticism), and where it does it exist, it is likely to be known as fact rather than experience, or be special knowledge held by a few or by knowing ones. Which is not surprising. Psychic attack is "a big deal", you can buy many books on "psychic protection" on Amazon now, for example, but this condition of experiencing psychic aggression in an everyday or pronounced way is, I suppose, quite or very marginal. If you are reading this, you are likely a skeptical scientist or a spiritually sensitive person. If you are here as a spiritually sensitive person, then good luck to you, it is not all bad, you must be in the grace of God and on a path with many gifts and wonders in store! Peace be with you, whatever the reason why you are reading this.
I hope I have been some help in guiding spiritually sensitive people on Earth at this time who are coping with spiritual wounds and warfare. Perhaps it is coming to the end of the 'investigation', this parapsychologist writes, as I am hopefully about to go to hospital and be initiated into the "bunker-buster" of psychiatric medications, called Clozaril, which may shut down and heal any excessive sensitivity of mind that I have. But I expect to report on that attempted treatment too, as it is also worth writing about for the world.
Until next time, good luck, and happy reading. Remember, the truth is out there...
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Drawings
It seems that my drawings page is very popular! Even more popular than my highest ranking post, by far!
I had three drawings on the drawings page, and have now added a further seven. I noticed that on Google, an image search for "schizophrenia drawings" is very popular. It was a nice feling to se my pictures down around page 23! Wow. It makes you feel valued. Nice.
The drawings I just put up are mostly from my initial breakdown 10 years ago. And they do suggest a little bit what it was like. But I see them as being very creative, and they are very special for me, as I had never done anything like that before. I think they are good.
At that time I was unmedicated, and unknown to the health services, very very delusional, hallucinating and suffering. But still enjoying drawing. It was something I really enojyed - but the initial outpouring of creativity ran dry after a while - I guess I exhausted it (probably due to drug use). Within a couple of years however, I was drawing again as a form of enjoyment or relaxation, with a similar artistic vision, but less creative energy, under the calming, clarifying effect of medication.
Well if you are interested, take a look at the drawings page. Enjoy!
I had three drawings on the drawings page, and have now added a further seven. I noticed that on Google, an image search for "schizophrenia drawings" is very popular. It was a nice feling to se my pictures down around page 23! Wow. It makes you feel valued. Nice.
The drawings I just put up are mostly from my initial breakdown 10 years ago. And they do suggest a little bit what it was like. But I see them as being very creative, and they are very special for me, as I had never done anything like that before. I think they are good.
At that time I was unmedicated, and unknown to the health services, very very delusional, hallucinating and suffering. But still enjoying drawing. It was something I really enojyed - but the initial outpouring of creativity ran dry after a while - I guess I exhausted it (probably due to drug use). Within a couple of years however, I was drawing again as a form of enjoyment or relaxation, with a similar artistic vision, but less creative energy, under the calming, clarifying effect of medication.
Well if you are interested, take a look at the drawings page. Enjoy!
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Consequences: Why I Am Where I am
I asked myself today, what are the causes that lead to the consequences of my being psychotic and experiencing psychic attack?
The simple answer: it was using cannabis, without understanding or initiation.
I was not prepared for the potential of cannabis to cause fearful anxiety, nor for its potential to induce spiritual experiences. Both of those factors resulted in a downfall for me, as I became terribly anxious, then withdrawn, delusional and had hallucinations as the fear increased; I also opened up spiritual sensitivity - both to God and to the spirit reality.
Cannabis can actually be a mystical aid in its spiritualising properties, and the possibilities of spiritual opening are best prepared for with some kind if teaching, to prevent paranoia and to ground a person to avoid sudden change of personality and outlook.
As for attracting spirit attack, this could have come about through the general toxic mindset I had at the time of breakdown, being full of fear and having perceptions of evil and horrible hallucinations, and because spirits from realms of less Divine Light awareness can be drawn to those on Earth whose inner light is blossoming through spiritual awakening [I read recently that spirits can be drawn to those who are spiritually awakening].
This was supposed to be a simple post! I was just going to write that I got into this difficulty through using cannabis without knowing what it could do.
Monday, 7 February 2011
Condition Summary
In addition to previous schizophrenic symptoms of hallucination and delusion, I experience painful spiritual phenomena based around past trauma, personal power, and the ability of other beings to be energetically 'attached' to me. These spiritual symptoms are as follows:
Telepathic psychological abuse, also described as mental domination by spirits, is the central element in the condition. It operates by thought disturbance, by forceful manipulation of thinking and attention rather than by heard voices.
Spiritual domination following damage to aura by extensive cannabis use can also be accompanied by spiritual possession of telepathic faculties that may harm others, whenever possible. Pronounced psychic awareness was developed or awakened by cannabis use, and is now disadvantageously serving to allow psychic attack by spirits (for unknown reason) and signalling the presence of ghosts.
Voices of ghosts are frequently heard, which can be as painful as psychological abuse sometimes. Not only experiencing psychic nudity, but sharing space with ghosts and experiencing no physical privacy.
But enough of complaints, enough of what is spoken partly through suffering!
I have close spiritual friends also, through the gift of clairaudience communicating with spirits from 'Heaven' who visit and attend to me apparently constantly. I have a strong belief in an afterlife, and hence in a spiritual reality and in God. I am 'spiritual' and happy!
Secondly, I am gaining spiritual mastery, learning about primal creativity - manifestation - and how to control it in a positive loving way.
Thirdly, I am helping to change the beliefs of the world via this blog, sabotaging (!) in a small way the split between science and the traditional spiritual beliefs of the world, in favour of a more flexible system of medical psychology. I recognise that I have become a parapsychologist with useful knowledge to complement my useful parapsychic abilities.
Fourthly, I may actually get better, and mostly through my own efforts. These efforts will be spiritual; I will also have to work on my emotions, thoughts and perceptions of my life history.
There it is!
Good luck to all of you. May you understand and feel free.
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Feelings
Today I woke up late, which made me angry. How late? 1730. After about 16 hours of sleep. (Why?)
I then proceeded to try and work on my writing, but my father seemed frustrated with this, and God-knows-how, interfered with and partially obstructed my mind to the effect that I could not think creatively about what I was doing. This made me angrier. Why does he obstruct me when I am already feeling low? Why don't my spirit helpers stop him influencing me like that?
So I called him 'every name under the sun', and am now "the son of an idiot"; there it is. Better to be angry than despair in ultimate ways.
I am not responding to this very constructively right now, but at least am not following a darker route, which has been flitting across my mind this evening.
Let's take a roll call of conditions:
But I have much to be thankful for - externally, things are as good as they could be!
I'm sorry to complain. I guess I'd rather be working happily on my writing. I'll let you into a secret: I am hoping to build a career in creative writing. I have a talent for writing.
Some months after he died (nearly 5 years ago), I was thinking about what to do with my life career-wise, and I heard my father's voice joyfully say that I am a born writer. So why does he obstruct me today (and on other days)?
Mysteries, mysteries.
I become very angry, hateful even (hence "son of an idiot"). Don't like.
Maybe this post is useful. A window into the world I live in.
I then proceeded to try and work on my writing, but my father seemed frustrated with this, and God-knows-how, interfered with and partially obstructed my mind to the effect that I could not think creatively about what I was doing. This made me angrier. Why does he obstruct me when I am already feeling low? Why don't my spirit helpers stop him influencing me like that?
So I called him 'every name under the sun', and am now "the son of an idiot"; there it is. Better to be angry than despair in ultimate ways.
I am not responding to this very constructively right now, but at least am not following a darker route, which has been flitting across my mind this evening.
Let's take a roll call of conditions:
- schizophrenic-type illness
- depression
- exhaustion/fatigue
But I have much to be thankful for - externally, things are as good as they could be!
I'm sorry to complain. I guess I'd rather be working happily on my writing. I'll let you into a secret: I am hoping to build a career in creative writing. I have a talent for writing.
Some months after he died (nearly 5 years ago), I was thinking about what to do with my life career-wise, and I heard my father's voice joyfully say that I am a born writer. So why does he obstruct me today (and on other days)?
Mysteries, mysteries.
I become very angry, hateful even (hence "son of an idiot"). Don't like.
Maybe this post is useful. A window into the world I live in.
Psychic Attack
I have had a new idea about psychic attack, of how to describe it.
To reiterate, I claim that I experience psychic attack by spirits, and this earns me a diagnosis of psychosis by those experts in psychology unbelieving in such things. [I'm sorry, I wrote 'experts' in psychology, in a bitter way.]
I mentioned in my last post that there are varying recognised positive/active symptoms of schizophrenia, including hearing voices, feeling malignly influenced, and thinking one's thoughts are being controlled or negatively affected.
In trying to describe this to my mother the other day, I used the analogy of a bully. She couldn't understand how it is I was being 'hurt'. "Is it the voices?" she said.
To sidetrack, the type of spirits causing an apparent focused psychic attack on me do not just use their voices, but use mental force; I feel forces on my thoughts, 'pushing' them into painful avenues, (so I think about things that make me painfully uncomfortable). The voices I hear come from celestial and earthbound spirits, (and the mental traffic caused by close proximity with the earthbound spirits can be a major cause of stress).
So, really, the hurting can either be from psychic attack, or from being spiritually overwhelmed. To use the bully analogy, the attack is like a bully hurting me not just by "calling me names", but by physically hurting me. Except it's all at the mental level. This is the symptom of thoughts being interfered with in ways that have a negative impact.
But psychic attack can come in the form of feeling malignly influenced, as well, of feeling as if a dark cloud has been put over you, that brings sadness and bad luck. And I have that too.
So there is a division of belief in the world about psychic influence.
To reiterate, I claim that I experience psychic attack by spirits, and this earns me a diagnosis of psychosis by those experts in psychology unbelieving in such things. [I'm sorry, I wrote 'experts' in psychology, in a bitter way.]
I mentioned in my last post that there are varying recognised positive/active symptoms of schizophrenia, including hearing voices, feeling malignly influenced, and thinking one's thoughts are being controlled or negatively affected.
In trying to describe this to my mother the other day, I used the analogy of a bully. She couldn't understand how it is I was being 'hurt'. "Is it the voices?" she said.
To sidetrack, the type of spirits causing an apparent focused psychic attack on me do not just use their voices, but use mental force; I feel forces on my thoughts, 'pushing' them into painful avenues, (so I think about things that make me painfully uncomfortable). The voices I hear come from celestial and earthbound spirits, (and the mental traffic caused by close proximity with the earthbound spirits can be a major cause of stress).
So, really, the hurting can either be from psychic attack, or from being spiritually overwhelmed. To use the bully analogy, the attack is like a bully hurting me not just by "calling me names", but by physically hurting me. Except it's all at the mental level. This is the symptom of thoughts being interfered with in ways that have a negative impact.
But psychic attack can come in the form of feeling malignly influenced, as well, of feeling as if a dark cloud has been put over you, that brings sadness and bad luck. And I have that too.
So there is a division of belief in the world about psychic influence.
- One side is based on experience and is well-described in traditional belief
- The other side is based on science - on scientific method and proof, and is a newly emerging but highly authoritative school of thought.
Thursday, 16 December 2010
My General Point of View: Schizophrenia And Spirituality
I recently had a debate with someone close to me, via letter, about the way I see the world. My position, as someone who has parapsychic experiences, must be like the way a mystic feels when denounced by atheists. There is an experiential divide, which is sadly being used as a basis for argument... I mean one person is open to things that the other cannot know, yet that other person claims to know more.
Most people are unaware of the paranormal, as a real experience rather than an idea or belief system; this must be true. The paranormal, or spiritual experience, is a less popular branch of reality than mere spiritual belief is, - and we all know how contentious that is. So with the paranormal we are dealing with something like a niche belief that inspires everything from scorn and ridicule to labels of insanity. It's no wonder that I, as someone who claims to be very psychic, has trouble being believed in that claim, especially once my past history of illness is brought into frame. What's more, I even think that the world I know is unusual in occult terms, a paranormal paranormality.
Here's my point of view:
So these are my views. I admit, I'm a little angry after this debate, because of the perceived emotion in the other person who I was corresponding with. You can sense a closed mind, and it's insulting when someone presumes you must be wrong because you have had psychosis, even though they may actually believe that psychic perception is possible.
Most people are unaware of the paranormal, as a real experience rather than an idea or belief system; this must be true. The paranormal, or spiritual experience, is a less popular branch of reality than mere spiritual belief is, - and we all know how contentious that is. So with the paranormal we are dealing with something like a niche belief that inspires everything from scorn and ridicule to labels of insanity. It's no wonder that I, as someone who claims to be very psychic, has trouble being believed in that claim, especially once my past history of illness is brought into frame. What's more, I even think that the world I know is unusual in occult terms, a paranormal paranormality.
Here's my point of view:
- If you have spiritual belief, embrace the sixth sense. Scientists know that we do not find traces of God in the Universe - unless they argue that Everything is God. So God is therefore an extra-sensory reality... to be known by extra-sensory perception. As a spiritual person, either you know God, or you have faith in someone who does. Do you have any experiences of God? Then the chances are that they came as special sensings, or in dreams.
- It is a common belief in mediumistic circles that everyone has psychic capability that can be developed into active extra-sensory perception. Logically, this even includes people with profound mental illness. Schizophrenic people can also be psychic. Schizophrenic people can be having extra-sensory perceptions - whatever the doctors say, who deny the possibility of 'voices' being real, and turn a blind eye to spiritualism, claiming that there are only five senses.
So these are my views. I admit, I'm a little angry after this debate, because of the perceived emotion in the other person who I was corresponding with. You can sense a closed mind, and it's insulting when someone presumes you must be wrong because you have had psychosis, even though they may actually believe that psychic perception is possible.
Friday, 3 December 2010
Question On My Condition: Am I Still Schizophrenic?
When I was telling my story to the healer two days ago, an interesting point was raised. Although I was attempting to say that my schizophrenic symptoms had gone away, I still had that second full breakdown two years ago. Unfortunately, my memories of it now are fading. This is what I think happened.
The point is, that retelling my story, I had missed out the first step listed above. My version of the story in my mind had always been that I had a breakdown from stress, then stopped taking my medicine by happenstance, felt fine, stayed off it, and got ill without realising. But why was I already showing signs of being ill? I remember feeling kind of light-headed, like a type of mania - why was that happening? I was going through a lot of stress, to do with work; somehow this must have broken through the capability of the medicine I was on - yet I also feel that the medicine was ceasing to work for me, like a kind of toxic reaction? I don't know. Why did I start to get 'unhinged' a few months before I collapsed from mental exhaustion?
Although I have been otherwise stable and without symptoms except for apparent paranormal sensitivity and mental disturbance, it seems I am still susceptible to full schizophrenic symptoms, given sufficient stress. That complicates matters. Rather than being someone who has come through schizophrenia, I am someone who will always be at risk of a schizophrenic breakdown.
PS This is a big deal for me, that I apparently could be subject to further breakdowns. I had looked on the second break I have had as a freak occurrence, forgetting that I was already "going off the rails" a little... I need to think about this, and analyse it to find the truth of it. It's unsettling to realise that I was wrong and am potentially still in danger of further illness, and should remain on medication (contrary to my preferences). It may be that I can live a normal life without medicine, but will always be in danger of another breakdown from stress - but that's true on medicine or off it, stress is a universal danger for people who have schizophrenia.
Thanks for reading.
- I remember thinking two months in advance that I had a special connection with someone and was 'channeling' information. I think a lot of that was 'woolly', now.
- On the day the breakdown started, I went to the bank and had a personal meeting with a manager, during which I laughed and laughed and laughed, for no apparent reason; I was just undergoing some kind of hysteria. I then went home and collapsed, more or less, lying on the floor in my living room, before going to bed.
- I stayed in bed for about two weeks, during which time I stopped taking my medicine; since I felt very well., I was happy and thought I didn't need my medicine. However I soon started to have perceptual disturbances (thinking my body very small/large), and hallucinating, thinking an apocalypse was going on outside.
- I then turned into the full breakdown, frightening fears and hallucinations and delusions.
The point is, that retelling my story, I had missed out the first step listed above. My version of the story in my mind had always been that I had a breakdown from stress, then stopped taking my medicine by happenstance, felt fine, stayed off it, and got ill without realising. But why was I already showing signs of being ill? I remember feeling kind of light-headed, like a type of mania - why was that happening? I was going through a lot of stress, to do with work; somehow this must have broken through the capability of the medicine I was on - yet I also feel that the medicine was ceasing to work for me, like a kind of toxic reaction? I don't know. Why did I start to get 'unhinged' a few months before I collapsed from mental exhaustion?
Although I have been otherwise stable and without symptoms except for apparent paranormal sensitivity and mental disturbance, it seems I am still susceptible to full schizophrenic symptoms, given sufficient stress. That complicates matters. Rather than being someone who has come through schizophrenia, I am someone who will always be at risk of a schizophrenic breakdown.
PS This is a big deal for me, that I apparently could be subject to further breakdowns. I had looked on the second break I have had as a freak occurrence, forgetting that I was already "going off the rails" a little... I need to think about this, and analyse it to find the truth of it. It's unsettling to realise that I was wrong and am potentially still in danger of further illness, and should remain on medication (contrary to my preferences). It may be that I can live a normal life without medicine, but will always be in danger of another breakdown from stress - but that's true on medicine or off it, stress is a universal danger for people who have schizophrenia.
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
I Hear
I am clairaudient, very clairaudient for a non-professional psychic person.
Today I have been thinking about something my dad said to me around Christmas-time. He called me a soldier of Christ, which is nice. It makes me proud. It makes me feel I have a duty to fulfil and a service to offer. Actually, he told me to act like a soldier of Christ, because I was misbehaving (I can't remember exactly what I was doing amiss, though).
Oh, and my dad died four years ago...
I hear things. I'm spiritually sensitive and I hear spirits. Sometimes I wish I wasn't spiritually sensitive, because then I wouldn't hear the ghosts around me, those people in spirit who are squatting near me in the etheric dimension who follow me around, and I wish I wasn't spiritually sensitive so I wouldn't be affected by intrusions and disturbances to my mental activity.
This is hard, since having a diagnosis as a person with schizophrenia, it's all harder to believe for the non-psychic person, whether they be family members or the psychiatrist I am under. It puts me in a difficult position. Sometimes, when everyones disagrees with you, you will start to agree with them, no matter what the proofs may be otherwise - funny that. ESpecially when it's all about the spiritual reality.
Today I have been thinking about something my dad said to me around Christmas-time. He called me a soldier of Christ, which is nice. It makes me proud. It makes me feel I have a duty to fulfil and a service to offer. Actually, he told me to act like a soldier of Christ, because I was misbehaving (I can't remember exactly what I was doing amiss, though).
Oh, and my dad died four years ago...
I hear things. I'm spiritually sensitive and I hear spirits. Sometimes I wish I wasn't spiritually sensitive, because then I wouldn't hear the ghosts around me, those people in spirit who are squatting near me in the etheric dimension who follow me around, and I wish I wasn't spiritually sensitive so I wouldn't be affected by intrusions and disturbances to my mental activity.
This is hard, since having a diagnosis as a person with schizophrenia, it's all harder to believe for the non-psychic person, whether they be family members or the psychiatrist I am under. It puts me in a difficult position. Sometimes, when everyones disagrees with you, you will start to agree with them, no matter what the proofs may be otherwise - funny that. ESpecially when it's all about the spiritual reality.
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Cannabis Use And Schizophrenia
I would like to make a note about cannabis use and schizophrenia. I mentioned in an earlier post that, without any doubt at all, smoking hemp caused me to become ill. I don't really have any expertise in this matter beyond what happened to me, but I disagree with those who say smoking hemp is not dangerous. However, how dangerous is it? Some people use it regularly without developing schizophrenia, while others such as myself are not so 'fortunate'.
Check out this page for more information: http://www.schizophrenia.com/prevention/streetdrugs.html .
It's clear that a major factor in mental health for cannabis users is their age - regarding myself, I was at a trigger point smoking hemp intensively at the age of 18. I will never smoke hemp again, and I wouldn't advocate its use among teenagers or young adults for the very grave reasons of protecting their health, but I do believe it can be used responsibly and enjoyably. I know some of my family members would be incensed by me writing this, knowing what it has done to my Life, and by association theirs, but I stand by this - a kind of modified neutrality. Yet next to the age factor there is also a genetic factor - so if there is a history of schizophrenia in your family, find another way to relax and enjoy yourself and explore your humanity.
PS I believe that teenage drug use comes down to being accounted for by the general emotional health of our society - the more freedom we can give young people, and the more fulfilled and happy they are, the less likely they will be to seek freedom, feeling and joy in uncontrolled drug use. [You will notice that I use the term 'uncontrolled drug use' above; I believe that responsible use of some drugs (the less addictive ones) is possible, for example in psychedelic therapy and indigenous use of some hallucinogens]. I think the education system could be vastly different, where it is compulsory, to allow children to participate willingly and happily, and the immediate knock-on effect of this is in the way they choose to spend their time once they gain independence, whether at 14 or 18 years old. Because young people must eventually gain independence at 18 or so - and then how well fitted are they for this? Healthy adult individuals are those who have not been repressed in their freedom (so they do not then go off the deep end on gaining independence), and who have had fostered within them an active sense of discernment of their own; they feel in command of their lives, they have direction, and they have already found great fulfilment, independently and with the help of their guardians. Not to blame the parents or anything... [or the school system, the government, etc. ...]
Check out this page for more information: http://www.schizophrenia.com/prevention/streetdrugs.html .
It's clear that a major factor in mental health for cannabis users is their age - regarding myself, I was at a trigger point smoking hemp intensively at the age of 18. I will never smoke hemp again, and I wouldn't advocate its use among teenagers or young adults for the very grave reasons of protecting their health, but I do believe it can be used responsibly and enjoyably. I know some of my family members would be incensed by me writing this, knowing what it has done to my Life, and by association theirs, but I stand by this - a kind of modified neutrality. Yet next to the age factor there is also a genetic factor - so if there is a history of schizophrenia in your family, find another way to relax and enjoy yourself and explore your humanity.
PS I believe that teenage drug use comes down to being accounted for by the general emotional health of our society - the more freedom we can give young people, and the more fulfilled and happy they are, the less likely they will be to seek freedom, feeling and joy in uncontrolled drug use. [You will notice that I use the term 'uncontrolled drug use' above; I believe that responsible use of some drugs (the less addictive ones) is possible, for example in psychedelic therapy and indigenous use of some hallucinogens]. I think the education system could be vastly different, where it is compulsory, to allow children to participate willingly and happily, and the immediate knock-on effect of this is in the way they choose to spend their time once they gain independence, whether at 14 or 18 years old. Because young people must eventually gain independence at 18 or so - and then how well fitted are they for this? Healthy adult individuals are those who have not been repressed in their freedom (so they do not then go off the deep end on gaining independence), and who have had fostered within them an active sense of discernment of their own; they feel in command of their lives, they have direction, and they have already found great fulfilment, independently and with the help of their guardians. Not to blame the parents or anything... [or the school system, the government, etc. ...]
Monday, 5 October 2009
My magical ideation
'Magical ideation' is a term given to describe thinking about the paranormal and magical. People tending towards schizophrenia are supposed to have an array of beliefs that can incline towards irrationality. These includes beliefs about conspiracy theories, UFOS and extra terrestrial Life, superstition, magical powers, paranormal mental ablities and the way the universe works.
Here are my beliefs:
I occasionally catch myself following cultural superstitions (eg being afraid of breaking a mirror, wishing to avoid bad luck), but by and large I am immune to these beliefs.
I don't have many beliefs about extra-terrestrial Life (or alter-terrestrial Life, as I call it, since these are beings from other Earths - a more inclusive term!), but do believe that we are being supervised as a species by beings from other worlds.
I'm not sure about conspiracy theories, but generally have a trust in our governments that they aren't being run by secret organisations!!
I don't follow David Icke, but took value from his book "The Truth Vibrations".
I'm interested in white magic, and believe that it is definitely possible for a person to exert power over the Universe, though the ability to affect others' destiny is necessarily inhibited by the Law of Free Will. To me, white magic is benign, as is suggested by the name.
I'm an absolute believer in God, which seems to be a belief hedged into the paranormal and discredited as irrational these days. I am an optimist who believes God is purely and excellently good; and I believe that there is good and immense potential in everyone of us.
I am also an absolute believer in an afterlife, and angelic Life-companions who go with us through thick and thin to guide and comfort us on another level.
I believe it is possible to know the future - as it could come to pass. Here I draw on something I read in the Conversations With God trilogy, by Neale Donald Walsch and inspired by God, that says that glimpses of the future reveal possibilities and not certainties. I have had portentous dreams, and I sometimes get hints of the Future from spirit allies. I recently had a dream where I was witnessing a (good) event taking place in my flat, apparently in the future... It seemed realistic. It was as if I was standing there as my astral self watching things happen.
An important belief I have is that we can astral travel in dreams. This I feel quite fervently. I read that this is possible in Sylvia Browne's book Phenomenon, by way of corroboration. I have had dreams where I am with my father in Heaven (he died some years ago); in Heaven our abilities in all areas seem to be multiplied - I know this from a picture I drew and showed my father when I was in Heaven.
I do however believe that some connections (relationships / events) in Life are strongly predestined.
My main beliefs that could be criticised as paranormal or irrational are my beliefs in psychicness, which simply means the abilty to communicate with spiritual beings, 'spiritual' referring to a different quality of existence that constitutes the fabric of the benigs and places that we come to experience after death. I am a Christian, but I am a spiritualist in that I believe the ability to hear, see and otherwise sense spiritual reality is innocent through and through. I ask, if others can have these beliefs, I mean spiritualists, why can't I? Why can it not be respected that I have spiritual sensitivity, and secondly that I am in an unusual spiritual circumstance (re disturbance). Again, I'm not saying I've never known illness, quite the oppposite, I admit to psychosis, but there is another element at play too, asevere degree of negative spiritual interplay.
The term 'magical thinking' referes to erroneous thinking about what is possbile as regards the effects of magical practices in changing worldly circumstances. I remember that when I first got ill, I assumed that I could control events. I wished for footballers broadcast on televsion to score goals. I moved my hands to attempt to manipulate the motion of pool balls as my friends played.
I had made assumptions about my natural powers that were incorrect. I believe in miracles though - and I'm sure that they were beyond me, for all my self-belief.
This post may give you some insight into my position. It partly serves to convince that I have fairly regular beliefs, except as regards psychism, in support of my arguments.
Here are my beliefs:
I occasionally catch myself following cultural superstitions (eg being afraid of breaking a mirror, wishing to avoid bad luck), but by and large I am immune to these beliefs.
I don't have many beliefs about extra-terrestrial Life (or alter-terrestrial Life, as I call it, since these are beings from other Earths - a more inclusive term!), but do believe that we are being supervised as a species by beings from other worlds.
I'm not sure about conspiracy theories, but generally have a trust in our governments that they aren't being run by secret organisations!!
I don't follow David Icke, but took value from his book "The Truth Vibrations".
I'm interested in white magic, and believe that it is definitely possible for a person to exert power over the Universe, though the ability to affect others' destiny is necessarily inhibited by the Law of Free Will. To me, white magic is benign, as is suggested by the name.
I'm an absolute believer in God, which seems to be a belief hedged into the paranormal and discredited as irrational these days. I am an optimist who believes God is purely and excellently good; and I believe that there is good and immense potential in everyone of us.
I am also an absolute believer in an afterlife, and angelic Life-companions who go with us through thick and thin to guide and comfort us on another level.
I believe it is possible to know the future - as it could come to pass. Here I draw on something I read in the Conversations With God trilogy, by Neale Donald Walsch and inspired by God, that says that glimpses of the future reveal possibilities and not certainties. I have had portentous dreams, and I sometimes get hints of the Future from spirit allies. I recently had a dream where I was witnessing a (good) event taking place in my flat, apparently in the future... It seemed realistic. It was as if I was standing there as my astral self watching things happen.
An important belief I have is that we can astral travel in dreams. This I feel quite fervently. I read that this is possible in Sylvia Browne's book Phenomenon, by way of corroboration. I have had dreams where I am with my father in Heaven (he died some years ago); in Heaven our abilities in all areas seem to be multiplied - I know this from a picture I drew and showed my father when I was in Heaven.
I do however believe that some connections (relationships / events) in Life are strongly predestined.
My main beliefs that could be criticised as paranormal or irrational are my beliefs in psychicness, which simply means the abilty to communicate with spiritual beings, 'spiritual' referring to a different quality of existence that constitutes the fabric of the benigs and places that we come to experience after death. I am a Christian, but I am a spiritualist in that I believe the ability to hear, see and otherwise sense spiritual reality is innocent through and through. I ask, if others can have these beliefs, I mean spiritualists, why can't I? Why can it not be respected that I have spiritual sensitivity, and secondly that I am in an unusual spiritual circumstance (re disturbance). Again, I'm not saying I've never known illness, quite the oppposite, I admit to psychosis, but there is another element at play too, asevere degree of negative spiritual interplay.
The term 'magical thinking' referes to erroneous thinking about what is possbile as regards the effects of magical practices in changing worldly circumstances. I remember that when I first got ill, I assumed that I could control events. I wished for footballers broadcast on televsion to score goals. I moved my hands to attempt to manipulate the motion of pool balls as my friends played.
I had made assumptions about my natural powers that were incorrect. I believe in miracles though - and I'm sure that they were beyond me, for all my self-belief.
This post may give you some insight into my position. It partly serves to convince that I have fairly regular beliefs, except as regards psychism, in support of my arguments.
To Medicate Or Not To Medicate
It occurred to me that some may find this blog, in a state of poor health and possibly afflicted by spiritual disturbance, and think that it would be enough to only seek out spiritual healing. Maybe it would be enough, but I would say try spiritual healing and talk to a doctor. Medication could do things for you that a healer may struggle to resolve. At the end of the day it's better to be well than to avoid the doctor.
Cultural Norms
Maybe there's something wrong in the details of what I'm writing/thinking, but sometimes I feel like I'm not sane, when I wholeheartedly believe that I am. Is this insight creeping in, you may think? No, actually it's My Culture. (!)
I was trying to write in my last post the suggestion that spirits were causing me depression by weighing me down with the force of their dislike for me - I had to stop, because it didn't sound sane. Then I thought, in some societies, firstly this would be an acceptable proposition, and secondly, they would be able to deal with it. There are some highly evolved spiritual traditions in the world that are not very well known, such as the oldest traditions of religion on Earth, of shamanic mediation between the Worlds of spiritual and material Reality.
It's hard for me to comment on this feeling of inadequacy that I had, because it's not so much a part of my experience anymore - things are easier for me now, I've healed. However, I still experience negative spiritual interactions, which may as well be taboo, because the frame of reference has largely fallen out of my culture - I can't discuss what I'm going through with my granny, for example, and very easily retain her respect. Ordinary people outside the spiritual healing profession have little everyday awareness of spirit trouble. You could say there is a lamentably low spiritual awareness in the First World, whether in medical science's consistently denying independent individuals' testimonies of problematic spiritual interaction or in the common awareness of what is or is not spiritually safe. But then as regards safety my condition is surely quite rare, it's within the esoteric realm - I even had trouble convincing some spiritual healers of what I have been going through. There must be a benefit to this lesser cultural awareness, though - less superstition, and also less sensitivity and thus less exposure to danger. Still, most people are not going to need psychic protection, either because they aren't sensitive, they don't put themselves at risk through drugs or unwise practices, or because their natural and ordinary benevolence bounces negativity away. I don't think that under normal circumstances a person will end up getting haunted, usually.
There's still the power in the Church. When I was last really ill, I went to a religious service in hospital; at communion I signified that I wished for a blessing instead of receiving the Host, and the priest made the sign of the cross in front of my head with the wafer - as he did so I felt the energy clear around my head and there was a moment of alleviation of psychic pressure.
I don't wish to turn "Science" into a sceptical Enemy, and bad-mouth every doctor, but I do think that the First World, though triumphing in places due to rational argument, also wears the belt of scepticism too tight. I have an experience that I can't talk about fairly, it seems; there's a blanket ban on my credibility in suggesting an unusual spiritual phenomenon may be happening to me.
I suppose my experience affirms to me two things: 1) that there is an afterlife; 2) that psychicness is real. I would also like to affirm to the reader that the circumstances of spiritual disturbance I am in are rare - I feel a duty of comfort and of balancing of perspective, since I am arguing in a way for the derangement of conventional boundaries, which I think may be frightening for those who are new to these beliefs. Also I affirm that Life has other purposes for me than to suffer, and it is my task to find and fulfil the true purpose of Life for myself.
Not very long ago, when praying for Divine Intervention - actually I was despairing/angry, I didn't understand why God, the Almighty Spirit, did not intervene to stop the frustrating and painful abuse of my mind - ... when praying for Divine intervention, I heard a voice say "You are to seek shamanic help". The voice was a 'higher' voice, trustworthy and female (and it sounded slightly impatient!) I trust that there is someone who can help me balance my relationship to the spiritual and restore my mental health.
I'm grateful for the medical treatment I've received (despite the laissez-faire "Here's some medicine, go away and good luck" kind of approach). Anti-psychotic medication I believe helped my brain heal so that I left behind all manner of delusions. The sense of interaction with an unfriendly mind remained, however, for all the years of treatment, and remains undiminished in its hostility. Since I was stable between the period when I was using cannabis intensively and the time when I was correctly diagnosed, I believe, given that I am used to the negative 'symptoms' I have, that Life without medicine is viable, for the sake of feeling more alive, and I will hopefully try this next year. It was my intention to write a blog charting this process of 'demedication', but I also wished to write about my world-view, and couldn't wait! I would suggest to anyone reading this that you should certainly have your doctor's approval before coming off medication. (My doctor grudgingly approves of my wish to be drug-free!)
Time. Time is a wonderful thing. I read that of all people with schizophrenia, one third have their illness resolved immediately after medication, one third are much improved after ten years, and one third never get better; I must be in that middle third. Time is a wonderful thing. I look forward to getting better. I am really starting to enjoy Life - and this will surely lead me back to full functionality.
As a closing note, I'd like to say, please don't be too afraid of darkness. Everyone has their own guardian angels and spirit guides who protect them. I blew my natural defenses using cannabis, which is unusual. If you're still worried learn about closing down the chakras for added safety(see earlier post and link). The best way to be safe, as many sources say, is to focus on Love; conversely fear (and unlovingness) endanger you. So relax!
I was trying to write in my last post the suggestion that spirits were causing me depression by weighing me down with the force of their dislike for me - I had to stop, because it didn't sound sane. Then I thought, in some societies, firstly this would be an acceptable proposition, and secondly, they would be able to deal with it. There are some highly evolved spiritual traditions in the world that are not very well known, such as the oldest traditions of religion on Earth, of shamanic mediation between the Worlds of spiritual and material Reality.
It's hard for me to comment on this feeling of inadequacy that I had, because it's not so much a part of my experience anymore - things are easier for me now, I've healed. However, I still experience negative spiritual interactions, which may as well be taboo, because the frame of reference has largely fallen out of my culture - I can't discuss what I'm going through with my granny, for example, and very easily retain her respect. Ordinary people outside the spiritual healing profession have little everyday awareness of spirit trouble. You could say there is a lamentably low spiritual awareness in the First World, whether in medical science's consistently denying independent individuals' testimonies of problematic spiritual interaction or in the common awareness of what is or is not spiritually safe. But then as regards safety my condition is surely quite rare, it's within the esoteric realm - I even had trouble convincing some spiritual healers of what I have been going through. There must be a benefit to this lesser cultural awareness, though - less superstition, and also less sensitivity and thus less exposure to danger. Still, most people are not going to need psychic protection, either because they aren't sensitive, they don't put themselves at risk through drugs or unwise practices, or because their natural and ordinary benevolence bounces negativity away. I don't think that under normal circumstances a person will end up getting haunted, usually.
There's still the power in the Church. When I was last really ill, I went to a religious service in hospital; at communion I signified that I wished for a blessing instead of receiving the Host, and the priest made the sign of the cross in front of my head with the wafer - as he did so I felt the energy clear around my head and there was a moment of alleviation of psychic pressure.
I don't wish to turn "Science" into a sceptical Enemy, and bad-mouth every doctor, but I do think that the First World, though triumphing in places due to rational argument, also wears the belt of scepticism too tight. I have an experience that I can't talk about fairly, it seems; there's a blanket ban on my credibility in suggesting an unusual spiritual phenomenon may be happening to me.
I suppose my experience affirms to me two things: 1) that there is an afterlife; 2) that psychicness is real. I would also like to affirm to the reader that the circumstances of spiritual disturbance I am in are rare - I feel a duty of comfort and of balancing of perspective, since I am arguing in a way for the derangement of conventional boundaries, which I think may be frightening for those who are new to these beliefs. Also I affirm that Life has other purposes for me than to suffer, and it is my task to find and fulfil the true purpose of Life for myself.
Not very long ago, when praying for Divine Intervention - actually I was despairing/angry, I didn't understand why God, the Almighty Spirit, did not intervene to stop the frustrating and painful abuse of my mind - ... when praying for Divine intervention, I heard a voice say "You are to seek shamanic help". The voice was a 'higher' voice, trustworthy and female (and it sounded slightly impatient!) I trust that there is someone who can help me balance my relationship to the spiritual and restore my mental health.
I'm grateful for the medical treatment I've received (despite the laissez-faire "Here's some medicine, go away and good luck" kind of approach). Anti-psychotic medication I believe helped my brain heal so that I left behind all manner of delusions. The sense of interaction with an unfriendly mind remained, however, for all the years of treatment, and remains undiminished in its hostility. Since I was stable between the period when I was using cannabis intensively and the time when I was correctly diagnosed, I believe, given that I am used to the negative 'symptoms' I have, that Life without medicine is viable, for the sake of feeling more alive, and I will hopefully try this next year. It was my intention to write a blog charting this process of 'demedication', but I also wished to write about my world-view, and couldn't wait! I would suggest to anyone reading this that you should certainly have your doctor's approval before coming off medication. (My doctor grudgingly approves of my wish to be drug-free!)
Time. Time is a wonderful thing. I read that of all people with schizophrenia, one third have their illness resolved immediately after medication, one third are much improved after ten years, and one third never get better; I must be in that middle third. Time is a wonderful thing. I look forward to getting better. I am really starting to enjoy Life - and this will surely lead me back to full functionality.
As a closing note, I'd like to say, please don't be too afraid of darkness. Everyone has their own guardian angels and spirit guides who protect them. I blew my natural defenses using cannabis, which is unusual. If you're still worried learn about closing down the chakras for added safety(see earlier post and link). The best way to be safe, as many sources say, is to focus on Love; conversely fear (and unlovingness) endanger you. So relax!
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Esoteria
In this post I wish to write about the human aura as it affects my story. I have called this post 'esoteria' because this is an esoteric topic. They say these days are a time of revealing, as esoteric knowledge is available to anyone. This is supposed to mark a new phase of human evolution. There is a downside to all the new awareness and personal deveopment that comes with the passing of the esoteric into the common heritage, and it is this: people experimenting in dangerous ways. Reading about spiritual safety, it is often said that people should not ordinarily use the 'oui-ja board', because it invites the attention of ghosts, leading to hauntings, possession or spiritual harrassment. Another thing that you may be warned about when reading about spiritual safety is drug use.
In any spiritual practice, it is important to close down the 'chakras' afterwards. The 'chakras' or energy centres are part of our subtle energetic biology and are responsible for downstepping the Universal energy to sustain us in physical form; (the entire sysyem includes the meridians, small channels of subtle energy that cover the physical form, which are used in acupuncture). Spiritual activity opens up the chakras; just as we may wish to open the chakras to pursue our spiritual course, it is also important to close them down afterwards. Here is an example of a method of closing the chakras taken from elsewhere on the Interweb: http://www.mindworks.uk.com/website/chakra.htm .
Before I go on, I'd like to introduce another esoteric idea: that we are all creative beings who can attract different circumstances to us through our thoughts feelings and behaviours. This esoteric belief is emerging with great force into the public consciousness through literary information such as the famous book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. If I've made you nervous writing about spiritual safety and closing down the chakras, follow this next link and it will balance your emotions http://www.askahealer.com/spiritual-protection.htm . I read this page last night and it was a real comfort. Fear itself is 'attractive', so it's good to have a balanced awareness! I've come to realise that you can bring change by focussing on growing what you love in Life just as easily and more easily than by fighting with what you don't like.
So from reading the page linked above on chakras you will know that closing down prevents us from absorbing unwanted energies, such as other's stress.
I didn't know about any of this either, when my breakdown began. Do a little reading and you will find that drug use opens up the aura. Secondly, cannabis use is known to turn off your natural spiritual defenses by it's effect on the aura. The human aura, when healthy, encloses you in a bubble that admits health-giving universal energies and has a modicum of defense against unloving energies. Drug use can leave you vulnerable. When I got ill, with all the distrust I felt towards my girlfriend, and all the dislike I caused myself from her from conflict with her, and all the profound fear I felt in full breakdown when having horrific hallucinations, I believe all of this, in combination with an aura that has been damaged by cannabis use, has polarised me to attract negative daily experiences and be in a state of spiritual vulnerability.
But I don't wish to create a bleak picture and leave you all staring frightened at you computer monitors. The human spirit is mighty indeed; it is divine. I'm sure that you, like me, can cope with anything, even adverse spiritual circumstances, if it comes down to it.
Closing down the chakras will help keep you safe, if you are interested in spirituality. I also think that it is important to keep one foot firmly in the 'everyday', to stay grounded and functional, whatever lifestyle you choose. It took me a sizeable degree of cannabis over-use to get where I am, having only partial awareness of what the drug does (ie not knowing that it's holy as well as fun), and I believe my circumstances of vulnerability are... rare. Things are getting better all the time, and I expect to be back to normal one day, whether through my own effort or with the help of a spiritual healer of some kind. (Two years ago I saw a shamanic healer who was able to heal my completely, but only for a few hours).
So that was a whirlwind tour of a section of the esoteric beliefs that are currently emerging into common awareness. I have educated myself in these matters over the course of my journey into full health, which has been, by-the-by spiritually enlightening in that respect. There are books you can buy on 'psychic protection' ranging from cuddly-nice to beyond-scary-don't-touch. If you're on my level, I really recommend a book called Psychic Protection: Creating Positive Energies For People And Places, by William Bloom, published by Piatkus. Buy it here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Psychic-Protection-Creating-Positive-Energies/dp/0749916036/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254657686&sr=1-4 .
If you think you're experiencing circumstances of spiritual vulnerability, remember to have hope! This is great. Educate yourself, there are many methods of self-defense you can try, and consider finding a spiritual healer to help you, for example a shamanic or Reiki healer. Have faith too, in a benign universe that is actually manifested from pure love and strive to se through the mysterious illusion of fear and suffering. Life has other purposes than for us to be suffering intensely!
With love and best wishes, Mr. S
In any spiritual practice, it is important to close down the 'chakras' afterwards. The 'chakras' or energy centres are part of our subtle energetic biology and are responsible for downstepping the Universal energy to sustain us in physical form; (the entire sysyem includes the meridians, small channels of subtle energy that cover the physical form, which are used in acupuncture). Spiritual activity opens up the chakras; just as we may wish to open the chakras to pursue our spiritual course, it is also important to close them down afterwards. Here is an example of a method of closing the chakras taken from elsewhere on the Interweb: http://www.mindworks.uk.com/website/chakra.htm .
Before I go on, I'd like to introduce another esoteric idea: that we are all creative beings who can attract different circumstances to us through our thoughts feelings and behaviours. This esoteric belief is emerging with great force into the public consciousness through literary information such as the famous book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. If I've made you nervous writing about spiritual safety and closing down the chakras, follow this next link and it will balance your emotions http://www.askahealer.com/spiritual-protection.htm . I read this page last night and it was a real comfort. Fear itself is 'attractive', so it's good to have a balanced awareness! I've come to realise that you can bring change by focussing on growing what you love in Life just as easily and more easily than by fighting with what you don't like.
So from reading the page linked above on chakras you will know that closing down prevents us from absorbing unwanted energies, such as other's stress.
I didn't know about any of this either, when my breakdown began. Do a little reading and you will find that drug use opens up the aura. Secondly, cannabis use is known to turn off your natural spiritual defenses by it's effect on the aura. The human aura, when healthy, encloses you in a bubble that admits health-giving universal energies and has a modicum of defense against unloving energies. Drug use can leave you vulnerable. When I got ill, with all the distrust I felt towards my girlfriend, and all the dislike I caused myself from her from conflict with her, and all the profound fear I felt in full breakdown when having horrific hallucinations, I believe all of this, in combination with an aura that has been damaged by cannabis use, has polarised me to attract negative daily experiences and be in a state of spiritual vulnerability.
But I don't wish to create a bleak picture and leave you all staring frightened at you computer monitors. The human spirit is mighty indeed; it is divine. I'm sure that you, like me, can cope with anything, even adverse spiritual circumstances, if it comes down to it.
Closing down the chakras will help keep you safe, if you are interested in spirituality. I also think that it is important to keep one foot firmly in the 'everyday', to stay grounded and functional, whatever lifestyle you choose. It took me a sizeable degree of cannabis over-use to get where I am, having only partial awareness of what the drug does (ie not knowing that it's holy as well as fun), and I believe my circumstances of vulnerability are... rare. Things are getting better all the time, and I expect to be back to normal one day, whether through my own effort or with the help of a spiritual healer of some kind. (Two years ago I saw a shamanic healer who was able to heal my completely, but only for a few hours).
So that was a whirlwind tour of a section of the esoteric beliefs that are currently emerging into common awareness. I have educated myself in these matters over the course of my journey into full health, which has been, by-the-by spiritually enlightening in that respect. There are books you can buy on 'psychic protection' ranging from cuddly-nice to beyond-scary-don't-touch. If you're on my level, I really recommend a book called Psychic Protection: Creating Positive Energies For People And Places, by William Bloom, published by Piatkus. Buy it here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Psychic-Protection-Creating-Positive-Energies/dp/0749916036/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254657686&sr=1-4 .
If you think you're experiencing circumstances of spiritual vulnerability, remember to have hope! This is great. Educate yourself, there are many methods of self-defense you can try, and consider finding a spiritual healer to help you, for example a shamanic or Reiki healer. Have faith too, in a benign universe that is actually manifested from pure love and strive to se through the mysterious illusion of fear and suffering. Life has other purposes than for us to be suffering intensely!
With love and best wishes, Mr. S
Friday, 2 October 2009
Definitions... Truth and Proof
I said I would explain my stance on the paranormal in my "My Story" post, but I didn't do it. If you look carefully, I skirted round the diagnosis and my experience of my condition, managing to hedge together the suggestion that I am experiencing 'spiritual disturbance' as well as suggesting that I acknowledge experiencing plain schizophrenic symptoms.
This weblog is a little controversial. It's not per se about coping with schizophrenia, or discussing symptoms according to the conventional medical model. This is the kind of blog, if you are a patient diagnosed with schizophrenia, that your therapist might ask you to ignore. Well what is the therapist ignoring? The spiritual realm, and all beliefs about communication with it, whether desired or undesirable communication.
And here's the medical definition of my experience that I choose: that, since a spiritual awakening, I have been open to both desirable and undesirable spiritual phenomena. Cannabis, used by Indian sadhus to open them up to Divine union, opened up my subtle spiritual senses (the psychic senses, if you will, the sixth sense) as well as deranging many of my mental faculties (causing me hallucinations and delusions).
"There are only five senses" says the doc. And no deity probably either. Not only is the rational world of Western medical science sceptical (or over-sceptical?), its position on psychicness is without proof - there is no scientific knowledge of the parts of the brain that are able to receive and transmit information in and of itself (not through the portals of doc's acknowledged five senses). It is my belief that the more refined awareness of future scientific instrumentation will certainly be able to detect the parts of the brain responsible for clairaudience, clairvoyance, telepathy and so on.
One of the reasons that what I call subtle spiritual sensitivity is a question of controversy is simply that in some people these abilities are awake (and to varying degrees) and in others they are not awake at all. Their brains have these faculties within them, but they are more or less dormant. These faculties tend to be awakened through formal spiritual practices and come into themselves on the spiritual path as a means of accessing the essence of reality and knowing 'God'.
So how can I prove that I am having 'paranormal' experiences? Usually I do not question the interpretation I hold of my day-to-day experience. Quite rarely, I wonder, is the doctor right? And begin to imagine that all manner of spirits, ghost and demons are not real. But then, what happens when we die? If there is a Heaven, we become spirits to know it. And then, also, what of God? A spiritual belief here: that the Deity hides Itself in this our dense physical realm so that It may be found. Do we disbelieve in what is hidden? Are there any willingly agnostic psychiatrists at least? This is not an area lending easily to proofs, being itself an extra-sensory realm, where our scientific instruments are at present only those people sensitive to the extra-sensory...
Sometimes a random word may come into my head, spoken, that I usually never think of, and this is a kind of half-proof of telepathy. Or, more convincingly, yet rare, a 'heard' thought. In a difficult passage of Life, my brother was experiencing mental stress. I 'heard' him think "Who am I?" as he searched for meaning. I asked him later that evening if he had thought this. his answer: yes, he had thought that earlier that evening. For me, it is unusual to have a proof like this. Recently I have spiritually heard predictions of events later in my Life, which I have no reason to distrust, and which came from spirits. Although the Future is normally not certain in all its details, in my belief, I trust that these predicitons will very likely come true.
Usually my paranormal experience extends to hearing spirits from Heaven who gather around me in support of me on my Life Journey - helpful people from Beyond. Also gathered around me, in ways I have not yet been able to shift, and presumably attracted by my sensitivity are beings I take to be unascended people who have died - ghosts. And - and this is the main problem, greater than a loss of privacy from ghostly surveillance and all that means - I also come into daily contact with beings who are able to change my thoughts and thus cause me injury out of malice and for their own reasons. Simply put, these latter beings are people who have died, and although not remaining on Earth like ghosts, they have not ascended fully to Heaven; they feel discontent and direct this at people living on Earth - and they can be called demons.
In my long search for meaning, uncorroborated by those in authority seeking to help me, I found this helpful page on the Internet: http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research14.html . I don't exactly buy all of the information on this page, but I was reassured / healed by what Arthur Yensen says under the title "Negativity must be removed to enter Heaven", and what David Oakford says underneath the title "NDE examples of the Earthbound realm." I'm asking you to believe in the testimony of those who have died and gone to Heaven and come back with accounts of it, through not dying well enough! I think those people and I, and those like me, are related; we all argue for the reality of the spiritual. I have read that spiritual disturbances on Earth occur on one level to remind us that yes, there is a spiritual aspect to Reality, and this kind of thing occurs to some people to spread awareness of the spiritual.
For me, all manner of positivity helps defend me, but I have as yet been unable to get rid of the attention of the beings bothering me. The transaction between us is like a game of to-ing and fro-ing in which I am injured and then I strengthen myself with affirmations or prayers. On the religious front, I have often wondered why God does not stop what happens, since it is more within Divine jursidiction. "Well, because it's not real, it's an illness!" you might say. Or because it's my own manifestation and I must learn to overcome it myself. God permits far worse things than spiritual oppression.
So, from schizophrenia to spiritual oppression in one easy move! There's the long and the short of my beliefs. I'm not raving about 'demons', I'm giving a rational account of beings that may be called demons because of their malicious behaviour, who are in actual fact little more than deceased people in part-ascension to Heaven who have profound emotional issues to be healed.
If anyone out there is experiencing something similar, think about this for comfort: Life is change, and change must surely come to the situation you wish were different. For me, I have recently come to realise that I 'hold many strong cards' in this game. I am in a dimension I can control, and by my choices bring about great happiness for myself. Those spirits in a kind of limbo merely have their minds as assets, which they mistakenly use against other beings; they cannot seek fruition any other way, except to ascend to the Light.
Two years ago I saw a healer who follows the ancient shamanic tradition. I began to explain my situation, and I was pleased, and remain pleased, that he believed me. He believed my account of spiritual disturbance, as opposed to being purely and totally a schizophrenic condition. I saw him again recently for a healing session, and when I enquired afterwards as to what he had found, he said that there were signs of interference to my solar plexus and crown chakras. (The chakras are subtle energy centres that extend from the body for the purpose of integrating universal energies to sustain us in physical form; the chakras, as part of the aura, are visible to those with high clairvoyant awareness.)
So, dear reader, are you willing to stand before the entirety of human history and discount testimonies of hauntings of every kind, all accounts of extra-sensory spiritual phenomena, the commandments of Jesus Christ to all his followers to cast out devils, are you willing to disbelieve in the existence of the soul, and every human tradition that uses protective methods to ward off evil and curses?
I believe that people can have these paranormal psychic experiences, of clairaudience and clairvoyance and so on, and I believe in Spiritual Life in all its facets. Isn't it possible that a person can be both psychic and psychotic?
This weblog is a little controversial. It's not per se about coping with schizophrenia, or discussing symptoms according to the conventional medical model. This is the kind of blog, if you are a patient diagnosed with schizophrenia, that your therapist might ask you to ignore. Well what is the therapist ignoring? The spiritual realm, and all beliefs about communication with it, whether desired or undesirable communication.
And here's the medical definition of my experience that I choose: that, since a spiritual awakening, I have been open to both desirable and undesirable spiritual phenomena. Cannabis, used by Indian sadhus to open them up to Divine union, opened up my subtle spiritual senses (the psychic senses, if you will, the sixth sense) as well as deranging many of my mental faculties (causing me hallucinations and delusions).
"There are only five senses" says the doc. And no deity probably either. Not only is the rational world of Western medical science sceptical (or over-sceptical?), its position on psychicness is without proof - there is no scientific knowledge of the parts of the brain that are able to receive and transmit information in and of itself (not through the portals of doc's acknowledged five senses). It is my belief that the more refined awareness of future scientific instrumentation will certainly be able to detect the parts of the brain responsible for clairaudience, clairvoyance, telepathy and so on.
One of the reasons that what I call subtle spiritual sensitivity is a question of controversy is simply that in some people these abilities are awake (and to varying degrees) and in others they are not awake at all. Their brains have these faculties within them, but they are more or less dormant. These faculties tend to be awakened through formal spiritual practices and come into themselves on the spiritual path as a means of accessing the essence of reality and knowing 'God'.
So how can I prove that I am having 'paranormal' experiences? Usually I do not question the interpretation I hold of my day-to-day experience. Quite rarely, I wonder, is the doctor right? And begin to imagine that all manner of spirits, ghost and demons are not real. But then, what happens when we die? If there is a Heaven, we become spirits to know it. And then, also, what of God? A spiritual belief here: that the Deity hides Itself in this our dense physical realm so that It may be found. Do we disbelieve in what is hidden? Are there any willingly agnostic psychiatrists at least? This is not an area lending easily to proofs, being itself an extra-sensory realm, where our scientific instruments are at present only those people sensitive to the extra-sensory...
Sometimes a random word may come into my head, spoken, that I usually never think of, and this is a kind of half-proof of telepathy. Or, more convincingly, yet rare, a 'heard' thought. In a difficult passage of Life, my brother was experiencing mental stress. I 'heard' him think "Who am I?" as he searched for meaning. I asked him later that evening if he had thought this. his answer: yes, he had thought that earlier that evening. For me, it is unusual to have a proof like this. Recently I have spiritually heard predictions of events later in my Life, which I have no reason to distrust, and which came from spirits. Although the Future is normally not certain in all its details, in my belief, I trust that these predicitons will very likely come true.
Usually my paranormal experience extends to hearing spirits from Heaven who gather around me in support of me on my Life Journey - helpful people from Beyond. Also gathered around me, in ways I have not yet been able to shift, and presumably attracted by my sensitivity are beings I take to be unascended people who have died - ghosts. And - and this is the main problem, greater than a loss of privacy from ghostly surveillance and all that means - I also come into daily contact with beings who are able to change my thoughts and thus cause me injury out of malice and for their own reasons. Simply put, these latter beings are people who have died, and although not remaining on Earth like ghosts, they have not ascended fully to Heaven; they feel discontent and direct this at people living on Earth - and they can be called demons.
In my long search for meaning, uncorroborated by those in authority seeking to help me, I found this helpful page on the Internet: http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research14.html . I don't exactly buy all of the information on this page, but I was reassured / healed by what Arthur Yensen says under the title "Negativity must be removed to enter Heaven", and what David Oakford says underneath the title "NDE examples of the Earthbound realm." I'm asking you to believe in the testimony of those who have died and gone to Heaven and come back with accounts of it, through not dying well enough! I think those people and I, and those like me, are related; we all argue for the reality of the spiritual. I have read that spiritual disturbances on Earth occur on one level to remind us that yes, there is a spiritual aspect to Reality, and this kind of thing occurs to some people to spread awareness of the spiritual.
For me, all manner of positivity helps defend me, but I have as yet been unable to get rid of the attention of the beings bothering me. The transaction between us is like a game of to-ing and fro-ing in which I am injured and then I strengthen myself with affirmations or prayers. On the religious front, I have often wondered why God does not stop what happens, since it is more within Divine jursidiction. "Well, because it's not real, it's an illness!" you might say. Or because it's my own manifestation and I must learn to overcome it myself. God permits far worse things than spiritual oppression.
So, from schizophrenia to spiritual oppression in one easy move! There's the long and the short of my beliefs. I'm not raving about 'demons', I'm giving a rational account of beings that may be called demons because of their malicious behaviour, who are in actual fact little more than deceased people in part-ascension to Heaven who have profound emotional issues to be healed.
If anyone out there is experiencing something similar, think about this for comfort: Life is change, and change must surely come to the situation you wish were different. For me, I have recently come to realise that I 'hold many strong cards' in this game. I am in a dimension I can control, and by my choices bring about great happiness for myself. Those spirits in a kind of limbo merely have their minds as assets, which they mistakenly use against other beings; they cannot seek fruition any other way, except to ascend to the Light.
Two years ago I saw a healer who follows the ancient shamanic tradition. I began to explain my situation, and I was pleased, and remain pleased, that he believed me. He believed my account of spiritual disturbance, as opposed to being purely and totally a schizophrenic condition. I saw him again recently for a healing session, and when I enquired afterwards as to what he had found, he said that there were signs of interference to my solar plexus and crown chakras. (The chakras are subtle energy centres that extend from the body for the purpose of integrating universal energies to sustain us in physical form; the chakras, as part of the aura, are visible to those with high clairvoyant awareness.)
So, dear reader, are you willing to stand before the entirety of human history and discount testimonies of hauntings of every kind, all accounts of extra-sensory spiritual phenomena, the commandments of Jesus Christ to all his followers to cast out devils, are you willing to disbelieve in the existence of the soul, and every human tradition that uses protective methods to ward off evil and curses?
I believe that people can have these paranormal psychic experiences, of clairaudience and clairvoyance and so on, and I believe in Spiritual Life in all its facets. Isn't it possible that a person can be both psychic and psychotic?
'Paranormal' Schizophrenia
I think 'paranormal schizophrenia' is a fairly novel coinage. The term is meant with tongue in cheek, but it is useful in signifying that I have both paranormal and schizophrenic experience. Confused? I'm guessing it's confusing that I'm admitting to any actual schizophrenic experience...
My story will follow in the next post.
This will be the last post at "Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!" until tomorrow. (It's 3am -ish here in the UK!)
My story will follow in the next post.
This will be the last post at "Diagnosis: Schizophrenia!" until tomorrow. (It's 3am -ish here in the UK!)
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