Into The Mystic

The voice of someone who is on the other side, who I trust and respect called me a "mystic", some months ago. That was a nice moment, a kind of compliment for me, although he was just expressing what to him was a fact. Imagine that. Imagine that I am a mystic.

Now consider that I am having issues through attracting the attention of spirit people whose mental influence frequently triggers pain in me.

Where is this leading for me? To personal power, to compassion, and the ability not to be attached to pain or aggression from having changed my way of thinking. To acquire on Earth the ways of the soul, to become more and more 'godly'/'Godly' - given the nature of the soul as sharing in the Divine Nature, and thus to experience more of the God Nature in its being qualities, feeling love and joy and peace and other qualities.

A long time ago, on a beach with my grandpa, I was digging a hole, as big as I could. Grandpa helped me dig the hole by filling it in...! Actually what he did was to dig from the outside in, instead of digging deep. He said something like "You have to dig out to dig down". A large hole must be wide as well as deep. I was disheartened by his contribution at first, but now it has taken on another significance. It reminds me of my life as it is now: some time ago I became spiritually aware (I began digging a hole), but problems came with this awareness, and my spirituality was an obstacle to my basic happiness and mental health (the hole became filled in from the outsides); now I am digging, digging, digging, deepening my hole - and as soon as I have cleared out what has fallen in then I will have the happiness of a healthy expanded awareness and great spirituality. Back in the day, my spiritual ambition was as large as my appetite for God, my appetite to feel God's love myself for real, so when all is well, that is what will be present to me - my sense of self-worth, my sense of loveable-ness, and my contentment and peace will be greater than ever and correspond to the Love of God for me, as much as I can take it in.

A Parapsychologist Writes...

An important thought came to me today, as follows:


'Hearing voices' might one day be considered to be not enough to diagnose someone as mentally ill. Even if you hear abusive voices. Surely mental illness would be diagnosed by further information, such as a person's rationality and so on. Simply put, just because you 'hear voices' (with your mind, directly), does not mean you are insane.


Hearing voices is something that the culture in my part of the world has traditionally feared, but many saints are said to have heard the voice of God or angels. If that is possible for one person, why not for anyone of us? And while we're on the subject, to consider that hearing God's voice or the voice of angels is merely a power belonging to saints and those considered great human beings is to lead the innocent straight towards delusions of grandeur...

For many people, though, hearing voices is something special, a spiritual gift and sign of greater spiritual evolution. But then there is a whole 'spectrum' of people with this awakening of the mind, so people like me, and perhaps any one of you reading this page, are caught at the edges of the spectrum and suffering because of their heightened awareness. However, for every single person who is psychic and suffering, there must be thousands of people who are very happy with their mental abilities and call them gifts. Nowadays, the occult and the esoteric are expanding at a fantastic rate as fields of knowledge - they are becoming less and less esoteric. Psychic development is popular and big business for publishers. Ordinary people are developing their mental sensitivities. What will this do to psychology? Eventually these scientists will have to stop calling ordinary people insane. We also need to stop making these gifts extraordinary, so that people are aware of their potential and do not get lost in paranoia if they awaken.

I admit, as I have done before, that I have experienced insanity - delusions and hallucinations - although at present I would say my rationality falls within boundaries of normality, and I would say that my perceptions are real. All the trouble comes from the division between science and religion, and from psychology being a young science that has no spiritual perspective.

Our mainstream science of psychology is young, does not have all the answers, and is still evolving. I think I can forgive them.


There was once a young person called Jeanne who heard the voice of saints and angels. She is now called a saint. She was told by angels to save her nation from being conquered - look her up! (She is usually known as Joan of Arc, in English). I have adopted her as patron saint of people who hear voices! Which I don't think there is one in Christianity; we have patron saints for mental illness, but not for clairaudience / unusual auditory perceptions. So I humbly commend you all to her supervision and care. Amen.

On The Outskirts: Life With Schizophrenia

Two things come to mind for this post:

1. A sense of being different
2. My relationship to my peers

I wish to write about what it's like when you have schizophrenia and you compare yourself to others.

As I have written elsewhere on this blog, as someone bearing the diagnosis of schizophrenia, I am a human with full humanity, who also has an alternate perception of the world. I have illness, but I also have the same desires from life as anyone. I wish for the same things that someone with good health wishes for.

• I wish to be successful in the world
• I wish to have a mate [a partner]
• I wish to have an active social circle

These are ordinary wishes, but for various reasons, I feel that I don't match up to my peers in these areas. I don't have an established career, or own a house; I am not married, I have no children. You can end up feeling gloomy about this, about this comparing. In the end, though, you don't have to compare.


But then, I am different. I was once like anyone else, then I found myself outside of normality, and  my whole mental life and personality and way of relating to the world and to other people has been different since - but it's becoming more normal. From being vastly delusional, I now have only a few discreetly held (but major) unusual beliefs about reality. From being very withdrawn, I can now pass for shy, yet courteous. From being very reluctant to speak, I am now someone who can seem normal in conversation. I still feel different, in terms of my confidence levels, and general state of relaxation. And I can't claim to be as externally successful as others my age. And I carry a diagnosis of mental illness that I feel can set me apart from many people. But I value where I've come from and the strength I've gained, and I believe I have something to contribute for being out of normality, and that those gifts will emerge when I'm ready.

Life on the outskirts, but coming back in; and becoming better able to relate to people.

Hope

Remember Hope.


This is one of the most important lessons I have to impart to those in a situation like mine. Hope to one day be free of disturbance.

I realised one day that I could have hope, and that I had been living without it.

I have now seen a spiritual healer twice; as I have recounted, the first time I saw him I was restored to health, albeit temporarily, which was a minor miracle for me! Then I saw him again two years later, and there was not much of a noticeable change; he did say however that he had faith I would become free of the beings (people, like bullies) who were attempting to dominate me. I was disappointed - for all I've said on this blog about how spiritual healing can save you - I had hoped he would heal me. I still hope there is someone out there who can heal me. But this person said that the key was for me to be assertive with these intruders. This assertiveness means having the strength to effectively assert my rights, or even to declare to the universe exactly what is or is not acceptable with me.

This daily interaction has changed me and made me able to be civil in the face of aggression, and to retain a sense of dignity - not only do I assert my own rights, but I assert the rights of others - and indeed this is the meaning of assertiveness (to assert only one's own rights could be the definition of aggression).

But I have hope.

One sector of society, as we are today, seems to say that to hear any kind of voice is madness and a fiction. But I know this and still have faith in the reality of the voices I hear. One such voice said that I would be in a good 'place' by 2012...

I am interested in all religions; the Buddha says that if someone applies themselves to doing good, even if at first their efforts are unfruitful, in the end the person will be successful, "and then their efforts will bear fruit indeed."

It takes a lot of virtue to counteract a bully in your mind, a bully who is stronger than you are, [stronger in one sense, but not the highest sense]. I read recently that evil can only make you suffer; and this power, as we know, is a negative power - positive powers of love and healing and service are far greater than injury.

And eventually, "Amor omnia vincit" (Latin, love conquers all). There is in the universe a level at which all beings are healed, a point that darkness cannot penetrate. Since Life is change, healing must come to all beings and nothing can persist in malice forever.

We have rights, and there is Order in the universe that likes to see rights upheld, and does so for the happy progress of all created beings.

So have hope; and in the meantime follow your path and look for health - and whoever seeks, finds, as Christian believers are taught.