So, I have said that I co-habit with ghosts (unwillingly). One of these ghosts has a knack for speaking through my mouth occasionally, which annoys me. Not in conversation, but in reaction to things. (Another intrusion).
Sometimes I can laugh like my dad, if he's around and there's somethng he finds funny! (My dad has passed over). (Clearly I can't say he's dead, because he isn't!) This is one way I may know he's around - he doesn't always speak 'to' me and thus let me know he's there.
I must be a very absorbent kind of psychic person.
In this post I just wanted to say that I can seem to have imaginary friends. Imagine if your every thought is heard - including every humourous thought. Sometimes (quite often actually) I chuckle to myself because I'm sharing a joke with the world of spirit!
One of my neighbours at university thought I was more than eccentric because I could be heard laughing to myself very frequently (this was at a time when I my medicine was making me 'high' - I wouldn't want you thinking me 'more than eccentric'! ;) ).
One time I was on the brink of bursting out laughing in an optician's treatment room, and a spirit friend mischievously tipped me over the edge into full hysterics! (I always have a real problem getting though eye tests - I don't like it when they come very close to my face to look in my eyes.. it always makes me want to laugh!)
But really, I have few friends in the outside world. I fell out of the social loop when I got ill, and because of my condition I find it hard to get on with others. When I'm alone (- or more properly 'alone') - there are ghosts to contend with who very often provide a focus for my attention, and there are also my friends from on High who come and visit out of love, in a spirit of service. So my mind is often busy when I am alone and my heart is satisfied for friendship.
I believe my health will improve. In another ten years or so, I may have a lot of friends again, as I did one day. I think in some time I will be ready to be natural with other people again, and be able to enjoy myself with others. I also have to find out who I am before then, and come out of the inner world more. But for now, I'm grateful for my 'imaginary friends'.
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Psychicness: The Social Standing of Psychic People
It's probably easier to be affiliated with the spiritualist church, here in the UK. They seem to be good people, nice people, decent people, and, most importantly they of all psychic people seem to me to have the best reputation. They are, although slightly mysterious in their supernatural way, respectable.
The Social Standing Of Psychic People. If only 'psychic' was easy to say. I have hear people use it in a way that suggests they think it to be acceptable, but also something more than controversial... also something illicit. Could be this harks back to our more religious background, when anyone slightly witchy was condemned and killed. Or brutally tortured and killed. And not long ago, mediums were prosecuted for witchcraft.
Still, the spiritualist church is in the lead for the respectability stakes.
Oh, and one more thing: there's the other connotation lurking behind the word 'psychic' - a connotation of craziness, of madness. This could just be through the ability of psychically active people to see and hear things that 'aren't there', just like someone insane talking to him- or herself. This does not help me much! Me in my quest to be recognised as a borderline insane individual with pronounced psychic abilities!
There is another side to 'psychic' - its scariness, having higher knowledge others can't seem to attain, and being able to communicate with ghosts, with the dead (spirits).
Lastly, it seems it's not too hard to fake being psychic - to basically lie about having special knowledge - which is itself a cause for disbelieving these people who claim to see and hear things that aren't there...
All of this means that 'psychic' is not an easy thing to claim to be to anyone, be it a friend or the doctor.
And writing this I'm starting to have doubts about the appropriacy of using the word 'paranormal'; - although psychicness is certainly not most people's normal, it is my normal and that of many others. Psychicness feels perfectly normal to me!
However, if I'm not confusing myself!, the word paranormal is helpful in indicating why psychicness is not very well understood, officially, the reason being that it is not common to be psychically active.
The Social Standing Of Psychic People. If only 'psychic' was easy to say. I have hear people use it in a way that suggests they think it to be acceptable, but also something more than controversial... also something illicit. Could be this harks back to our more religious background, when anyone slightly witchy was condemned and killed. Or brutally tortured and killed. And not long ago, mediums were prosecuted for witchcraft.
Still, the spiritualist church is in the lead for the respectability stakes.
Oh, and one more thing: there's the other connotation lurking behind the word 'psychic' - a connotation of craziness, of madness. This could just be through the ability of psychically active people to see and hear things that 'aren't there', just like someone insane talking to him- or herself. This does not help me much! Me in my quest to be recognised as a borderline insane individual with pronounced psychic abilities!
There is another side to 'psychic' - its scariness, having higher knowledge others can't seem to attain, and being able to communicate with ghosts, with the dead (spirits).
Lastly, it seems it's not too hard to fake being psychic - to basically lie about having special knowledge - which is itself a cause for disbelieving these people who claim to see and hear things that aren't there...
All of this means that 'psychic' is not an easy thing to claim to be to anyone, be it a friend or the doctor.
And writing this I'm starting to have doubts about the appropriacy of using the word 'paranormal'; - although psychicness is certainly not most people's normal, it is my normal and that of many others. Psychicness feels perfectly normal to me!
However, if I'm not confusing myself!, the word paranormal is helpful in indicating why psychicness is not very well understood, officially, the reason being that it is not common to be psychically active.
Stubborn Ghosts
I co-habit with ghosts.
This is not such a nice situation, because a) it's intrusive b) they can be unpleasant c) I don't approve of their presence.
On the other hand, the fact that I know they are there and can sometimes hear their voices is a good thing for me, as it indicates I have a psychic gift, which could be useful to others.
This is a post about the phemonon of spectral stubbornness, the refusal of these spirits to go to the light.
I had read that if you sense earthbounds, you are to send them love and tell thm to go to the Light. This has not yet been succesful for me. Either they want to be here, they're afraid to go on, or they don't know how to go on to ascend in the Light.
I don't know. I don't know what professional people do to move on ghosts - although I remember that they use the help of celestial allies - and I don't have that capability at present.
PS "b) they can be unpleasant" above can be anything from grindingly bad / frequent bad jokes to bullying - since they know my thoughts, they know my sensitivities. Still, they're not as bad, generally, as The Ones Who Watch from further away, who seem more intent on hurting me...
This is not such a nice situation, because a) it's intrusive b) they can be unpleasant c) I don't approve of their presence.
On the other hand, the fact that I know they are there and can sometimes hear their voices is a good thing for me, as it indicates I have a psychic gift, which could be useful to others.
This is a post about the phemonon of spectral stubbornness, the refusal of these spirits to go to the light.
I had read that if you sense earthbounds, you are to send them love and tell thm to go to the Light. This has not yet been succesful for me. Either they want to be here, they're afraid to go on, or they don't know how to go on to ascend in the Light.
I don't know. I don't know what professional people do to move on ghosts - although I remember that they use the help of celestial allies - and I don't have that capability at present.
PS "b) they can be unpleasant" above can be anything from grindingly bad / frequent bad jokes to bullying - since they know my thoughts, they know my sensitivities. Still, they're not as bad, generally, as The Ones Who Watch from further away, who seem more intent on hurting me...
My Psychic Disturbances: Frequency and Quality
Frequency and quality - some vaguely scientific words! Frequency = how often; quality = of what nature.
Just a note to say that the frequency of disturbance can be as bad as the quality of it. Disturbance need not be outright and obviously objectionable to cause injury, but merely be an intrusion into the mental space. Having someone around all the time, (I mean a ghost, or ghosts), someone who you hear speaking to you within seconds after you wake up in the morning, is a kind of disturbance. Too much mental traffic is painful - the frequency of thought activity must be within comfortable boundaries; this is especially true on hard days, days when the quality of disturbance is particularly burdensome.
Strangely it is a rare occurrence for my celestial friends and relations to intrude on me. I hear them often, but they do not injure me - either because I have become accustomed to thinking of them as allies, as desirable presences - or because they know to respect my boundaries, or some other reason. (Still, the frequency of hearing my celestial friends is much lower than that of the earthbound uninvited and unapproved presences).
Here I'm making a division between wanted and unwanted presences, and this is what defines 'disturbance'. (A disturbance is technically an unwanted psychic phenomenon caused by another being).
Finally, this excessive frequency of mental activity is irritating at least and very painful at worst; it's tiring and can be painful.
Just a note to say that the frequency of disturbance can be as bad as the quality of it. Disturbance need not be outright and obviously objectionable to cause injury, but merely be an intrusion into the mental space. Having someone around all the time, (I mean a ghost, or ghosts), someone who you hear speaking to you within seconds after you wake up in the morning, is a kind of disturbance. Too much mental traffic is painful - the frequency of thought activity must be within comfortable boundaries; this is especially true on hard days, days when the quality of disturbance is particularly burdensome.
Strangely it is a rare occurrence for my celestial friends and relations to intrude on me. I hear them often, but they do not injure me - either because I have become accustomed to thinking of them as allies, as desirable presences - or because they know to respect my boundaries, or some other reason. (Still, the frequency of hearing my celestial friends is much lower than that of the earthbound uninvited and unapproved presences).
Here I'm making a division between wanted and unwanted presences, and this is what defines 'disturbance'. (A disturbance is technically an unwanted psychic phenomenon caused by another being).
Finally, this excessive frequency of mental activity is irritating at least and very painful at worst; it's tiring and can be painful.
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Happy Report
It is important to be believed in. I found someone new who believes in me. This is quite outstanding.
He is an agnostic, his sister is very spiritually sensitive, and... he is my community psychiatric nurse. It's amazing! Someone from the psychiatric side of things giving credence to my story!
He didn't say it outright, but said enough to show that he considers the matter. He said he wasn't sure if I am really ill or suffering from spiritual trouble. Imagine!! I am so happy.
I think this is the first time I have heard any kind of outright corroboration like this.
So, is it possible that a person can awaken to spiritual sensitvity and show symptoms of mental illness? I say yes. What do you think?
Clearly, if you follow my beliefs, spiritual sensitivity can cause immense health problems, - spiritual sensitivity itself can cause conditions of mental illness.
I suppose this places me in the position of someone in a state of "spiritual emergency", the term from transpersonal psychology that could well indicate the future of psychology, that incoroporates all sides of humanity in mental health care.
Orgonite Advice
I watched this video on youtube - (link) about releasing a negative entity from your 'sphere'. It gives commands that can be used, as well as a prayer for the help of the Archangel Michael, and two pieces of advice: 1) carry some 'orgonite' - an object that is man-made using crystals and metal and resin and organic material which converts negative energy to helathy energy; 2) contact a healer for help.
Since watching this video I have bought an orgonite pendant, which I think may be helping me, and I have contacted a healer. The healer, a very psychic lady, was very kind and said "If I am sucessful, then make a donation". Unfotunately I am still noticing the presence of ghosts around me.
(One of these ghosts is rather friendly, making jokes and caring about what happens to me, but that does not stop him for being somewhat an enemy to my wellbeing - and his own, in choosing not to ascend to the Light).
So this has helped, and I hope it might help you. I came across this information in my habitual search for a solution on the Internet. There's plenty of information out there on this sort of thing! I just have t find some that works.
PS I for one do not readily believe in the Archangels, I think they are human constructs - how could it be otherwise? Unless way back in history the archangels gave their names to Biblical writers. I do however believe in angels and the ministry of angels, though I have not had any contact with angels. Except... one night on going to bed I asked for angels to surround the house I was in at the four corners of it, and in the night I had a dream in which I saw beings in bright white clothes standing outside. Also, once, after my granny died, I had a dream in which I saw her standing in the house I was in, and she was holding the hand of a happy person all dressed in white (an angel? Or another Hevanely helper?) Second also, (!) I had been thinking of angels, I picked up a book, heard a number spoken (like 44) and opened the book up at that exact page! So that's the extent of my angelic experience - I suppose I mean that I have not had clear waking communciation/ conversation with the angels... yet. As I said, I believe in them and their ministry to all mankind.
Mr. S' Anonymity
Mr. S chooses anonymity in writing his blog because - well, can you guess? It's because he's afraid of people who know him finding out he's ill, should they Google his name and find the blog... but more than that, it's also because he does not wish others to think him crazy - when they read his opinions, that is.
These are fairly secret beliefs of mine, when it comes to telepathy and 'evil' spirits (evil-behaving spirits), and I'm aware that they are so far out of most people's lives as to be seen as frankly insane and not entertained, especially as I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia. (Once more, I don't deny that I have had schizophrenic symptoms, I just also think there is this unusual 'supernatural' aspect to what I go through as well).
And why not be anonymous, if I can? I'd rather publish my beliefs, that's enough. It's my choice, given what I expect would be a negative reaction to the blog. It's not just the general phobias about people with schizophrenia being all of them dangerous, it's the way we tend to see each other and grant each other respect based on judgements, as well.
It's one thing saying you have schizophrenia when you are able to behave quite normally, like I do, it's another talking about your worldview when it's... like mine.
Three aspects to my situation: frequent daily suffering, supposedly caused by real external forces, and occasional (ie twice) slipping into hallucination and delusion. Medicine has successfully removed delusions and prevents me from having hallucinatory breakdowns, but does not remove the other so-called delusions and hallucinations, the ones I claim are real, ie the interactions with etheric life.
I hear ghosts! Is that so hard to believe? PS ...and also friendly spirits. And, most of all, I am open to persecution by lower spirits.
I wonder (again) what any spiritualists would make of this.
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Belief
I am concerned that my concerted efforts to argue my point may have caused me to persuade others to fit a square peg into a round hole. I'm not changing my stance, I just don't wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Such areas of debate are new to me, where there are multiple viewpoints each claiming a set of black-and-white truths. I'm concerned there may be people who feel caught between these viewpoints.
It's a small point.
I'm not really going out to convert the world, but rather to help it. The Diagnosis: Schizophrenia! blog is here to support people like me, and if it opens others' minds a little bit, then all well and good.
That was a small point about beliefs, about the difficulty of negotiating a discourse between absolute skepticism and psychism. What I'm doing here is describing my experiences and making a testimony in the face of a contradictory and authoritative body of thought - that of Western orthodox medical psychiatry -, and this involves some arguing.
I will now go on to outline my beliefs, and not so much my religious beliefs as my beliefs about reality.
I believe that there is an extra-sensory reality, with which humans in this world [of dense physiology] are able to communicate. By the term 'extra-sensory reality' I mean to indicate a belief in an afterlife and Heaven, and all manner of realms between Earth and Heaven. I believe that some people have the sensitivity to communciate with this extra-sensory reality either receptively or actively. For me this is a question intimately connected with belief in God, since we are talking about a spiritual reality and hence also spiritual sensitivity. Really the absolute skepticism of Western orthodox medical psychiatry versus people with beliefs in psychicness is like a skirmish on the edge of the major battle about belief going on between Science and Religion. A common question looking at what I have just written is Why? Why do I believe in an extra-sensory / spiritual reality? 1) Personal experience. 2) the experience of mystics around the world and throughout history 3) religious accounts in holy scriptures.
In the end the biggest proof is personal experience... and yet the voices of skepticism can be very forceful. My personal experience vastly outweighs the influence of skepticism in the world, for me, yet I still occasionally think, are the spirits real? But there is so much reallness about the experiences I have of them.
This remains a tenuous area of Life, because we are dealing in that which is not seen or heard by eyes and ears, rather something that is slightly beyond us - and beyond science. Perhaps scientists must become happy with an ultimatum that God is beyond their reach.
As I said before the psychiatrist who monitors me is likely more concerned with voices and beings that injure me, rather than voices and beings that are helpful to me. Maybe there is a future when the psychiatrist will see that the person they are dealing with is being affected 'supernaturally', and pass them on to the relevant spiritual healer for consultation and attempts at resolution of the complaint. I believe that a change in medical thinking could come about in the not too distant future, at least a relaxing of opinion, to be less black and white.
Secondly, I believe that people on Earth within dense form can be affected by spiritual people, just as they can communicate with spiritual beings. This could be anything from contracting a compelled form of alcholism, or undergoing an alteration in sexual behaviour, to having thoughts about the self that are devoid of love. With me it's the final version of supernatural influence. It's not so much voices that are a problem, as the forces of spirit people, the forces of their will upon my thinking. These are beings that have forgotten that they are of the Light and harbour strong ill-will towards others not of their kind. Picture me: is it impossible that a person can go into a pyschiatrist's consulting room and complain about persecution that is real?
Somehow some spirit people close to the Earth have latched onto me, and being spirits it is easy for them to have access to my inner mind and alter my thinking. (Spirits are more telepathic than we are).
One day I will be well and will have emerged from mental darkness, a place of injury, self-doubt and gloominess.
Thirdly, I believe that there are certain adepts on Earth who are able to manage relations between Earth people and spirit people, whether they be priests (performing exorcism), or spiritual healers (often called shamans) who perform 'extractions' or 'space clearings' with the help of higher spiritual allies. I have personally experienced the spiritual power of such people, the priests and healers. It is not just a matter of faith, you can actually feel something happening and observe something changing.
I believe that not everyone who makes passionate claims about the paranormal is making accurate claims. There is a place for medication. And surely some people must be making passionate claims about the paranormal that are true.
I was haranguing my general practitioner about psychic empathy and quoted a book about it. Buy it here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sensitive-Persons-Survival-Guide-Alternative/dp/0595098002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1257037107&sr=1-1 . I must have done well - the doctor ended up saying, "Well, we're always open to new evidence." I had told the story of the author of the above book who was a PhD who suddenly had a number of experiences of empathy that were to her beyond doubt.
Well, that's about all I can think of for now. Thanks for reading.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Unbelievable
No, I'm not finished!
I'm a bit of a writer, and this blog has given me a strong will to write. I wish to write more!
I have a point here, that has arisen in earlier posts, but that I wish to emphasise.
The paranormal is unbelievable.
The paranormal is unbelievable. Society has evolved to see things more clearly through the eyes of science and has ditched overboard a number of superstitions and 'folk beliefs' - just imagine for a moment a system of psychiatry that worked around beliefs in ghosts and interfering spirits! (But that has already come about thanks to the works of spirit release psychiatrists using hypnotherapy). Moreover, the paranormal is unbelievable because it is by defintion beyond normal, a reference I suppose to the kind of normality bounded by frequency of occurence. A condition so rare it's reality is hard to believe.
Nothing rare about schizophrenia, though - 1 in 100 are supposed to get it.
I acknkowledge having had schizophrenic experiences and fiunctioning. I just wish I wasn't so unvalidated in the other kinds of experiences I have - yup, the paranormal ones.
Why can't schizophrenic people be mediumistic, like anyone else? (Mediumistic, ie able to pick up communciations from spiritual beings, and spiritual beings, ie beings not of our physical world discerned by five senses). There are two things here: one a belief in the possible of being mediumistic, and the other the belief in schizophrenic people being mediumistic, and the two of those beliefs taken together as reality would change scientifc thinking in psychiatry forever.
Strange: we have a blanket ban on voices as being a sign of insanity. Isn't that disrespectful of spiritualists? - What a conundrum - it's not disrespectful if you see it as a black and white reality.
I mention above being unvalidated. In my 'world' there is hardly anyone who wholeheartedly believes in my interpretation of my experience, a healer. He is a spiritual healer. In his world it is common - common - to be trained to remove souls of departed people that are disembodied and that have attached themselves to the energetic bodies of clients from where they can influence a person's mentality. Others are trained to go to houses and perform 'space clearing', which can involve a kind of exporcism whereby a spirit is helped to move on to their rightful place in the next world.
I'm getting angry. We have such disparity in our society - on one hand the many religions, which preach of good behaviour to satsisfy a spiritual God and teach of the existence of the soul and another spiritual world that we go to after death, and , the Christians, who have as part of their sacred scriptures the injunction to "cast out demons". I wish I could cast out demons. I'm sure those with NO spiritual sensitivity and NO paranormal experiences might insist that such passages be dismissed as superstition (just as science discounted the statements of rapid Creation of the Biblical passage Genesis).
- So on the one hand there is religion, talking of the soul and Heaven, and embarrassing smatterings of demonology, and on the other there is science that dismisses sensitivity as insanity.
"THERE ARE ONLY FIVE SENSES", my psychiatrist said. he didn't 'shout' in capitals, as I just did!, but you see what I mean. You get the point - they don't believe in it, not at all.
However recently, I said this to my psychiatrist in a review: "I hear the voices of my father, great uncle and others everyday, I hear ghosts around me [pleading almost] 'We're real'..." - a vivd imagination, he suggested was the cause of this. What about old-fashioned mediumisticness as an explanation? This world-view does not have an equal footing in our society. The doctor did, by way of compromise and keeping the peace take the conversation back to 'functionality', ie the extent to which I am able to interact with daily life as anyone else can.
I suppose the big problem for the doctor is the point at which my beliefs about 'mediumisticness' become beliefs about mental inteference, about spiritual beings interefering with my mind - then his ears prick up and he has to step in.
I acknowledge, from experience, that what I go through is paranormal even by the standards of some paranormalists. Being powerfullly telepathic and talking about interfence with that causes disbelief, though it's 'OK' in some company to hear voices that are unfriendly.
So eventually I'm left hearing voices I say are real and even not wholly feeling like I'm telling the truth, like I myself am unconvinced, and that, apart from being a state of psychic torment, is undesirable, because you feel alone. Except I'm not alone - I have many celestial friends who support me and buoy me up with their friendship; - it must be frustrating for them, because they see everything, and for them what I go through is perfectly rational.
I end this post with a wish - that there be more belief in the world, more open-mindedness towards what is unusual.
I'm a bit of a writer, and this blog has given me a strong will to write. I wish to write more!
I have a point here, that has arisen in earlier posts, but that I wish to emphasise.
The paranormal is unbelievable.
The paranormal is unbelievable. Society has evolved to see things more clearly through the eyes of science and has ditched overboard a number of superstitions and 'folk beliefs' - just imagine for a moment a system of psychiatry that worked around beliefs in ghosts and interfering spirits! (But that has already come about thanks to the works of spirit release psychiatrists using hypnotherapy). Moreover, the paranormal is unbelievable because it is by defintion beyond normal, a reference I suppose to the kind of normality bounded by frequency of occurence. A condition so rare it's reality is hard to believe.
Nothing rare about schizophrenia, though - 1 in 100 are supposed to get it.
I acknkowledge having had schizophrenic experiences and fiunctioning. I just wish I wasn't so unvalidated in the other kinds of experiences I have - yup, the paranormal ones.
Why can't schizophrenic people be mediumistic, like anyone else? (Mediumistic, ie able to pick up communciations from spiritual beings, and spiritual beings, ie beings not of our physical world discerned by five senses). There are two things here: one a belief in the possible of being mediumistic, and the other the belief in schizophrenic people being mediumistic, and the two of those beliefs taken together as reality would change scientifc thinking in psychiatry forever.
Strange: we have a blanket ban on voices as being a sign of insanity. Isn't that disrespectful of spiritualists? - What a conundrum - it's not disrespectful if you see it as a black and white reality.
I mention above being unvalidated. In my 'world' there is hardly anyone who wholeheartedly believes in my interpretation of my experience, a healer. He is a spiritual healer. In his world it is common - common - to be trained to remove souls of departed people that are disembodied and that have attached themselves to the energetic bodies of clients from where they can influence a person's mentality. Others are trained to go to houses and perform 'space clearing', which can involve a kind of exporcism whereby a spirit is helped to move on to their rightful place in the next world.
I'm getting angry. We have such disparity in our society - on one hand the many religions, which preach of good behaviour to satsisfy a spiritual God and teach of the existence of the soul and another spiritual world that we go to after death, and , the Christians, who have as part of their sacred scriptures the injunction to "cast out demons". I wish I could cast out demons. I'm sure those with NO spiritual sensitivity and NO paranormal experiences might insist that such passages be dismissed as superstition (just as science discounted the statements of rapid Creation of the Biblical passage Genesis).
- So on the one hand there is religion, talking of the soul and Heaven, and embarrassing smatterings of demonology, and on the other there is science that dismisses sensitivity as insanity.
"THERE ARE ONLY FIVE SENSES", my psychiatrist said. he didn't 'shout' in capitals, as I just did!, but you see what I mean. You get the point - they don't believe in it, not at all.
However recently, I said this to my psychiatrist in a review: "I hear the voices of my father, great uncle and others everyday, I hear ghosts around me [pleading almost] 'We're real'..." - a vivd imagination, he suggested was the cause of this. What about old-fashioned mediumisticness as an explanation? This world-view does not have an equal footing in our society. The doctor did, by way of compromise and keeping the peace take the conversation back to 'functionality', ie the extent to which I am able to interact with daily life as anyone else can.
I suppose the big problem for the doctor is the point at which my beliefs about 'mediumisticness' become beliefs about mental inteference, about spiritual beings interefering with my mind - then his ears prick up and he has to step in.
I acknowledge, from experience, that what I go through is paranormal even by the standards of some paranormalists. Being powerfullly telepathic and talking about interfence with that causes disbelief, though it's 'OK' in some company to hear voices that are unfriendly.
So eventually I'm left hearing voices I say are real and even not wholly feeling like I'm telling the truth, like I myself am unconvinced, and that, apart from being a state of psychic torment, is undesirable, because you feel alone. Except I'm not alone - I have many celestial friends who support me and buoy me up with their friendship; - it must be frustrating for them, because they see everything, and for them what I go through is perfectly rational.
I end this post with a wish - that there be more belief in the world, more open-mindedness towards what is unusual.
Post Script
I guess... I guess I've run out of things to say... For now.
I hope what I have said will be of value to someone. This blog has come out of my thinking on my condition for some years, so it represents a lot of careful consideration and research.
I will add to this blog next year (2010), when I hope to try life without medicine.
Maybe I'll add posts sooner - if I can think of any.
Good luck to anyone out there reading this who has a condition like mine.
I hope what I have said will be of value to someone. This blog has come out of my thinking on my condition for some years, so it represents a lot of careful consideration and research.
I will add to this blog next year (2010), when I hope to try life without medicine.
Maybe I'll add posts sooner - if I can think of any.
Good luck to anyone out there reading this who has a condition like mine.
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Attack Psychology
In this post I ask, what is it that causes a person to seek to induce injury without just cause? This is a question that is likely interesting to most adults, because we all know of evil happenings in the world. The question has relevance to my Life because, in my interpretation of my experience, I am very often harassed by others - people who have died and who have avoided ascending to Heaven.
There may be many answers, such as 'envy', 'curiosity', 'need', 'drug addiction', even 'justice'.
The very nature of our existence on earth, spiritually speaking, leaves us open to this; it is said that in Heaven we review our lives and feel the effects of our influence on others' emotions - on Earth apparent separateness permits us to be unfeeling more easily. Causing injury can become a form of entertainment through not feeling another's pain directly, where direct empathy would make such actions unbearable.
Secondly, malevolence is simply one person using their power to affect another so that they notice them, or so that the other notices someone else when the malevolent person is undetected. This could be seen as a call for attention, a call to recognise dignity.
One of the most common causes for causing injury without just cause must in fact be a mistaken perception of justice - perhaps prejudice calls for a person to feel it is right to injure another. (And even regular connotations of justice can be seen as unjust when they extend to punishment, if we follow a Christian view - Jesus interceded to prevent the stoning of a woman who had been 'unfaithful' to her husband).
Spirituality can awaken within us a great concern and care for other living things, which prevents us from being heavy-handed with other Life-forms - in the absence of such a mindset, the will to cause injury unjustly has a free rein. Adulthood likewise often breaks off from a person inclinations to hurt others out of course. - And actually causing injury is usually only appropriate as part of medical procedures, as I see it, or also (by convention only), during war.
Human nature has a tendency towards charity, but it is easy for the innocence with which we emerge into the world to be conditioned towards other courses, merely through our own thoughts and reactions to circumstances. One person comes to freely persecute and torment another with a calm mind because they believe it is right. It must be the legitimating thought process that is key to the cause and solution of malevolence. We injure because we can, because we are free, and because it seems to be a fitting response to a given circumstance.
Just as to carry out the behaviours of malevolence cause the acting person satisfaction when he or she is successful, so is it also possible to be made joyful by causing pain - an interesting conundrum. And the greater the cause of consternation, the greater or more prolonged the attack will be.
I end this post with a teaching that appears in similar form throughout the world's religions: do to others as you would have them do to you.
There may be many answers, such as 'envy', 'curiosity', 'need', 'drug addiction', even 'justice'.
The very nature of our existence on earth, spiritually speaking, leaves us open to this; it is said that in Heaven we review our lives and feel the effects of our influence on others' emotions - on Earth apparent separateness permits us to be unfeeling more easily. Causing injury can become a form of entertainment through not feeling another's pain directly, where direct empathy would make such actions unbearable.
Secondly, malevolence is simply one person using their power to affect another so that they notice them, or so that the other notices someone else when the malevolent person is undetected. This could be seen as a call for attention, a call to recognise dignity.
One of the most common causes for causing injury without just cause must in fact be a mistaken perception of justice - perhaps prejudice calls for a person to feel it is right to injure another. (And even regular connotations of justice can be seen as unjust when they extend to punishment, if we follow a Christian view - Jesus interceded to prevent the stoning of a woman who had been 'unfaithful' to her husband).
Spirituality can awaken within us a great concern and care for other living things, which prevents us from being heavy-handed with other Life-forms - in the absence of such a mindset, the will to cause injury unjustly has a free rein. Adulthood likewise often breaks off from a person inclinations to hurt others out of course. - And actually causing injury is usually only appropriate as part of medical procedures, as I see it, or also (by convention only), during war.
Human nature has a tendency towards charity, but it is easy for the innocence with which we emerge into the world to be conditioned towards other courses, merely through our own thoughts and reactions to circumstances. One person comes to freely persecute and torment another with a calm mind because they believe it is right. It must be the legitimating thought process that is key to the cause and solution of malevolence. We injure because we can, because we are free, and because it seems to be a fitting response to a given circumstance.
Just as to carry out the behaviours of malevolence cause the acting person satisfaction when he or she is successful, so is it also possible to be made joyful by causing pain - an interesting conundrum. And the greater the cause of consternation, the greater or more prolonged the attack will be.
I end this post with a teaching that appears in similar form throughout the world's religions: do to others as you would have them do to you.
Cannabis Use And Schizophrenia
I would like to make a note about cannabis use and schizophrenia. I mentioned in an earlier post that, without any doubt at all, smoking hemp caused me to become ill. I don't really have any expertise in this matter beyond what happened to me, but I disagree with those who say smoking hemp is not dangerous. However, how dangerous is it? Some people use it regularly without developing schizophrenia, while others such as myself are not so 'fortunate'.
Check out this page for more information: http://www.schizophrenia.com/prevention/streetdrugs.html .
It's clear that a major factor in mental health for cannabis users is their age - regarding myself, I was at a trigger point smoking hemp intensively at the age of 18. I will never smoke hemp again, and I wouldn't advocate its use among teenagers or young adults for the very grave reasons of protecting their health, but I do believe it can be used responsibly and enjoyably. I know some of my family members would be incensed by me writing this, knowing what it has done to my Life, and by association theirs, but I stand by this - a kind of modified neutrality. Yet next to the age factor there is also a genetic factor - so if there is a history of schizophrenia in your family, find another way to relax and enjoy yourself and explore your humanity.
PS I believe that teenage drug use comes down to being accounted for by the general emotional health of our society - the more freedom we can give young people, and the more fulfilled and happy they are, the less likely they will be to seek freedom, feeling and joy in uncontrolled drug use. [You will notice that I use the term 'uncontrolled drug use' above; I believe that responsible use of some drugs (the less addictive ones) is possible, for example in psychedelic therapy and indigenous use of some hallucinogens]. I think the education system could be vastly different, where it is compulsory, to allow children to participate willingly and happily, and the immediate knock-on effect of this is in the way they choose to spend their time once they gain independence, whether at 14 or 18 years old. Because young people must eventually gain independence at 18 or so - and then how well fitted are they for this? Healthy adult individuals are those who have not been repressed in their freedom (so they do not then go off the deep end on gaining independence), and who have had fostered within them an active sense of discernment of their own; they feel in command of their lives, they have direction, and they have already found great fulfilment, independently and with the help of their guardians. Not to blame the parents or anything... [or the school system, the government, etc. ...]
Check out this page for more information: http://www.schizophrenia.com/prevention/streetdrugs.html .
It's clear that a major factor in mental health for cannabis users is their age - regarding myself, I was at a trigger point smoking hemp intensively at the age of 18. I will never smoke hemp again, and I wouldn't advocate its use among teenagers or young adults for the very grave reasons of protecting their health, but I do believe it can be used responsibly and enjoyably. I know some of my family members would be incensed by me writing this, knowing what it has done to my Life, and by association theirs, but I stand by this - a kind of modified neutrality. Yet next to the age factor there is also a genetic factor - so if there is a history of schizophrenia in your family, find another way to relax and enjoy yourself and explore your humanity.
PS I believe that teenage drug use comes down to being accounted for by the general emotional health of our society - the more freedom we can give young people, and the more fulfilled and happy they are, the less likely they will be to seek freedom, feeling and joy in uncontrolled drug use. [You will notice that I use the term 'uncontrolled drug use' above; I believe that responsible use of some drugs (the less addictive ones) is possible, for example in psychedelic therapy and indigenous use of some hallucinogens]. I think the education system could be vastly different, where it is compulsory, to allow children to participate willingly and happily, and the immediate knock-on effect of this is in the way they choose to spend their time once they gain independence, whether at 14 or 18 years old. Because young people must eventually gain independence at 18 or so - and then how well fitted are they for this? Healthy adult individuals are those who have not been repressed in their freedom (so they do not then go off the deep end on gaining independence), and who have had fostered within them an active sense of discernment of their own; they feel in command of their lives, they have direction, and they have already found great fulfilment, independently and with the help of their guardians. Not to blame the parents or anything... [or the school system, the government, etc. ...]
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
What Is Health To Me?
Since becoming ill, I have had a setback in certain aspects of my health - in my sociability (emotions, speech and spontaneity), becoming quite withdrawn and being afraid of encountering my fellow human beings; I had a setback in the lucidity and accuracy of my thinking; I had a challenge to my world-view, which seemed to be disorientated and 'rebooted' (I literally felt like a new person). I also had these symptoms of apparent disturbances to my thinking and feeling, as if another person in spirit watches me and seeks to injure me through my mind.
All of my symptoms change and alleviate, barring the daily influx of low-evolved mentality - I mean barring the apparent malicious disturbances to my thinking and feeling that I believe involve an external and objective reality. So my speech improves, my social graces improve, my thinking has clarified and my world-view has re-emerged from innocence into grounded stability.
And still I am not in full health. The basic effect of the disturbance is distress, and generally, is then my being unnaturally put into 'depression', as we often call it, or heaviness of emotion, fatigue and reluctance to take part in the world. Whatever you define the reality of my condition as, these 'symptoms' of depression and frequent distress are how I, rightfully, earn the financial support of the British people in the form of disability benefits. But I do not accept these benefits of citizenship lightly, I accept them with humble gratitude, and hope to repay these favours in the future.
Health to me is not only feeling good and thinking in the same way as the consensus about the major things in Life it is being able to express this state of mind; as far as I am concerned, my health is good now, except as it is repressed by these overbearing forces of aggression - so to me health is being able to express myself, to live in the Light and to spread the joy I feel, and to be able to pursue my desires in the outer world.
All of my symptoms change and alleviate, barring the daily influx of low-evolved mentality - I mean barring the apparent malicious disturbances to my thinking and feeling that I believe involve an external and objective reality. So my speech improves, my social graces improve, my thinking has clarified and my world-view has re-emerged from innocence into grounded stability.
And still I am not in full health. The basic effect of the disturbance is distress, and generally, is then my being unnaturally put into 'depression', as we often call it, or heaviness of emotion, fatigue and reluctance to take part in the world. Whatever you define the reality of my condition as, these 'symptoms' of depression and frequent distress are how I, rightfully, earn the financial support of the British people in the form of disability benefits. But I do not accept these benefits of citizenship lightly, I accept them with humble gratitude, and hope to repay these favours in the future.
Health to me is not only feeling good and thinking in the same way as the consensus about the major things in Life it is being able to express this state of mind; as far as I am concerned, my health is good now, except as it is repressed by these overbearing forces of aggression - so to me health is being able to express myself, to live in the Light and to spread the joy I feel, and to be able to pursue my desires in the outer world.
Hope
Remember Hope.
This is one of the most important lessons I have to impart to those in a situation like mine. Hope to one day be free of disturbance.
I realised one day that I could have hope, and that I had been living without it.
I have now seen a spiritual healer twice; as I have recounted, the first time I saw him I was restored to health, albeit temporarily, which was a minor miracle for me! Then I saw him again two years later, and there was not much of a noticeable change; he did say however that he had faith I would become free of the beings (people, like bullies) who were attempting to dominate me. I was disappointed - for all I've said on this blog about how spiritual healing can save you - I had hoped he would heal me. I still hope there is someone out there who can heal me. But this person said that the key was for me to be assertive with these intruders. This assertiveness means having the strength to effectively assert my rights, or even to declare to the universe exactly what is or is not acceptable with me.
This daily interaction has changed me and made me able to be civil in the face of aggression, and to retain a sense of dignity - not only do I assert my own rights, but I assert the rights of others - and indeed this is the meaning of assertiveness (to assert only one's own rights could be the definition of aggression).
But I have hope.
One sector of society, as we are today, seems to say that to hear any kind of voice is madness and a fiction. But I know this and still have faith in the reality of the voices I hear. One such voice said that I would be in a good 'place' by 2012...
I am interested in all religions; the Buddha says that if someone applies themselves to doing good, even if at first their efforts are unfruitful, in the end the person will be successful, "and then their efforts will bear fruit indeed."
It takes a lot of virtue to counteract a bully in your mind, a bully who is stronger than you are, [stronger in one sense, but not the highest sense]. I read recently that evil can only make you suffer; and this power, as we know, is a negative power - positive powers of love and healing and service are far greater than injury.
And eventually, "Amor omnia vincit" (Latin, love conquers all). There is in the universe a level at which all beings are healed, a point that darkness cannot penetrate. Since Life is change, healing must come to all beings and nothing can persist in malice forever.
We have rights, and there is Order in the universe that likes to see rights upheld, and does so for the happy progress of all created beings.
So have hope; and in the meantime follow your path and look for health - and whoever seeks, finds, as Christian believers are taught.
This is one of the most important lessons I have to impart to those in a situation like mine. Hope to one day be free of disturbance.
I realised one day that I could have hope, and that I had been living without it.
I have now seen a spiritual healer twice; as I have recounted, the first time I saw him I was restored to health, albeit temporarily, which was a minor miracle for me! Then I saw him again two years later, and there was not much of a noticeable change; he did say however that he had faith I would become free of the beings (people, like bullies) who were attempting to dominate me. I was disappointed - for all I've said on this blog about how spiritual healing can save you - I had hoped he would heal me. I still hope there is someone out there who can heal me. But this person said that the key was for me to be assertive with these intruders. This assertiveness means having the strength to effectively assert my rights, or even to declare to the universe exactly what is or is not acceptable with me.
This daily interaction has changed me and made me able to be civil in the face of aggression, and to retain a sense of dignity - not only do I assert my own rights, but I assert the rights of others - and indeed this is the meaning of assertiveness (to assert only one's own rights could be the definition of aggression).
But I have hope.
One sector of society, as we are today, seems to say that to hear any kind of voice is madness and a fiction. But I know this and still have faith in the reality of the voices I hear. One such voice said that I would be in a good 'place' by 2012...
I am interested in all religions; the Buddha says that if someone applies themselves to doing good, even if at first their efforts are unfruitful, in the end the person will be successful, "and then their efforts will bear fruit indeed."
It takes a lot of virtue to counteract a bully in your mind, a bully who is stronger than you are, [stronger in one sense, but not the highest sense]. I read recently that evil can only make you suffer; and this power, as we know, is a negative power - positive powers of love and healing and service are far greater than injury.
And eventually, "Amor omnia vincit" (Latin, love conquers all). There is in the universe a level at which all beings are healed, a point that darkness cannot penetrate. Since Life is change, healing must come to all beings and nothing can persist in malice forever.
We have rights, and there is Order in the universe that likes to see rights upheld, and does so for the happy progress of all created beings.
So have hope; and in the meantime follow your path and look for health - and whoever seeks, finds, as Christian believers are taught.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Analysis of My Inner Experience, For The Interested
Why do we have the notion of possession in our common global culture? Why do we have belief in the persistence of a soul and in an afterlife? Ponder, ponder....
I've read a little about classic schizophrenic thought patterns and experience. I wish to compare myself to these stated symptoms.
I don't exactly experience thought insertion, though I experience something similar, which I'll come to later.
I don't experience thought withdrawal, at all.
If I watch TV or listen to the radio I feel that thoughts, usually of a disparaging/injurious nature, are being compelled out of me by a malicious third party, so I don't partake of these media. To me this is not so much an instance of 'delusion of reference' as an instance of thought broadcasting. I believe that telepathy is possible, so I assume responsibility for this and stay away from TV and radio; I haven't watched TV in three and a half years, which is unusual in this society! (I have found corroboration for my beliefs in telepathy in the Earth Life series by Sanaya Roman, of which the first book is called Living With Joy; a basic premise in these books is that we are everyone of us telepathic beings who are in constant communciation with the universe on the thought level, and for example, thinking negatively about another person is enough to cause them a moment of thinking negatively about themselves! For me this is reality, and these books advocate to those who are able to send thoughts that they are responsible). If you buy the hypothesis, someone with thought-broadcasting ability is so powerfully a telepathic sender that they avoid public situations; for me the thought-broadcasting is compelled, with the ever-present associated feeilng of a malicious third party.
I'll write about how I think it's possible for thoughts to be compelled out of me a little later.
Another technical term - 'passivity', when a person feels they are being subtly controlled by special means. I experience a little of this, and I very strongly dislike it. It occurs in two ways: what I call thought-overriding and thought-changing. In my experience I interact with three kinds of spiritual people: 1) ghosts, who wander the Earth as mistaken fugitives from Heaven, 2) spirits a little further away who are still close to the Earth, who I have called 'demons' (probably a mistake, although gratifying, because it sets up a pattern of warfare), who have some kind of persisting advantage over us sensitive and vulnerable types and 3) celestial spirits ranging from family to extended family, and this third group of people visit me very frequently. [Intriguingly, and as crazy as it sounds - I prefer honesty - a number of my 'extended family' led famous lives on Earth, and equally intriguingly, they dislike being named, for the sake of humility.] The third group are very loving and never harm me - in fact they provide me with friendship and support in every detail of Life. The first group find it easy to over-ride my thoughts - and I imagine others will identify with this - I have the feeling that they forcefully override my thoughts and make them prurient, in the simple sense, or disrespectful, in the simple sense, or make me think in harsh, ie rude language, the language called 'cursing' or 'swearing'. This is what I was referring to as being like thought insertion. The passivity also extends beyond the mental realm into more bodily expressions: I express foreign instinctive behaviour - I often look about me for the opopsite sex with 'lustful eyes'; when this happens, there is the overriding, then I am able to restrain myself perfectly, and with regret. So much for the lower kind of disturbance.
I often have a sense of being kept from full happiness, which has in the past been much stronger together with a sense of accustaion and dismissal of my worth. This seems to come from somewhere outside of me; I thought for years I had been cursed by someone I knew because of some misdeed, but now I believe it is purely from the attention of spirits.
On to the higher level of disturbance. Just as I hear ghosts' voices coming from outside me in my surroundings (occasionally too they are able to literally murmur their communications through my mouth), so do I get a sense that the stronger disturbance comes from a place not in the immediate surroundings, but futher away, as if just beyond the Earth dimension. Secondly I feel as though this soul or these souls are bonded to me, anchored into me, such is the strength of the connection. Thoughts from these more malicious spirits, who as I said could be called demons, are intent on causing maximum injury, and they work in a different way. If I am thinking, and there is a related topic that could, say, infer a call for me having low self-esteem, my attention will be forcibly 'pushed' into this associated idea. This thought-changing operates by pushing my awareness into distressing associations, whether blasphemous ideas, violent ideas, or unsought sexual ideas. These are never seemingly my ideas, but they come into my awareness. I am not having subjective violent or sexual urges, but am being tortured, as it were, with distressing ideas. Just as with the 'ghosts', with the spirits further away, their passivisation of me extends beyond the mental into the physical, and specifically into body language and facial expression that in certain circumsatnces expresses to cause the appearance that I am unfriendly or even untrustworthy, which doesn't help my social phobia!
And this is how it all works. As far as I am aware, the fact is that spirits can hear our thoughts easily. This is just the way it is outside physical existence. (There is some evidence that in Heaven the primary form of communication is telepathic or emotional communciation, at least at higher levels of celestial existence).
Secondly, I believe that spirits are able to change our thoughts easily, just by exerting their will, which must in their cases be quite developed, from habit. Higher spirits from Heaven would not do this because it violates laws of Freedom.
What's the cure? It could be spiritual healing, or if you're lucky you can send a spirit away by focussing on Love and pray for the healing of the disturbed souls that are in turn disturbing you.
That's the long and the short of it.
As a PS, I'd like to add a note that brings home the reality of this condition to readers. Living without privacy is in the physical realm a situation engineered as a form of psychological torture, and this is what happens when you have the sense of openness that goes with thought-broadcasting/ thought insertion etc; and with me this loss of boundaries is something compelled by an apparent third party. Secondly the degree of injury that occurs through apparent disturbance of thinking patterns, which people with schizophrenia sometimes choose to call spiritual oppression can be considered like a form of torture also. It's that bad. You suffer very much and end up with low resilience sometimes and tiredness of spirit.
All this has a prevailing ring of unbelievableness to it, I know. Articulate psychotic exposition or underrated account of an esoteric reality? I hope it will help you, even if just as an interesting viewpoint of someone diagnosed with schizophrenia.
I've read a little about classic schizophrenic thought patterns and experience. I wish to compare myself to these stated symptoms.
I don't exactly experience thought insertion, though I experience something similar, which I'll come to later.
I don't experience thought withdrawal, at all.
If I watch TV or listen to the radio I feel that thoughts, usually of a disparaging/injurious nature, are being compelled out of me by a malicious third party, so I don't partake of these media. To me this is not so much an instance of 'delusion of reference' as an instance of thought broadcasting. I believe that telepathy is possible, so I assume responsibility for this and stay away from TV and radio; I haven't watched TV in three and a half years, which is unusual in this society! (I have found corroboration for my beliefs in telepathy in the Earth Life series by Sanaya Roman, of which the first book is called Living With Joy; a basic premise in these books is that we are everyone of us telepathic beings who are in constant communciation with the universe on the thought level, and for example, thinking negatively about another person is enough to cause them a moment of thinking negatively about themselves! For me this is reality, and these books advocate to those who are able to send thoughts that they are responsible). If you buy the hypothesis, someone with thought-broadcasting ability is so powerfully a telepathic sender that they avoid public situations; for me the thought-broadcasting is compelled, with the ever-present associated feeilng of a malicious third party.
I'll write about how I think it's possible for thoughts to be compelled out of me a little later.
Another technical term - 'passivity', when a person feels they are being subtly controlled by special means. I experience a little of this, and I very strongly dislike it. It occurs in two ways: what I call thought-overriding and thought-changing. In my experience I interact with three kinds of spiritual people: 1) ghosts, who wander the Earth as mistaken fugitives from Heaven, 2) spirits a little further away who are still close to the Earth, who I have called 'demons' (probably a mistake, although gratifying, because it sets up a pattern of warfare), who have some kind of persisting advantage over us sensitive and vulnerable types and 3) celestial spirits ranging from family to extended family, and this third group of people visit me very frequently. [Intriguingly, and as crazy as it sounds - I prefer honesty - a number of my 'extended family' led famous lives on Earth, and equally intriguingly, they dislike being named, for the sake of humility.] The third group are very loving and never harm me - in fact they provide me with friendship and support in every detail of Life. The first group find it easy to over-ride my thoughts - and I imagine others will identify with this - I have the feeling that they forcefully override my thoughts and make them prurient, in the simple sense, or disrespectful, in the simple sense, or make me think in harsh, ie rude language, the language called 'cursing' or 'swearing'. This is what I was referring to as being like thought insertion. The passivity also extends beyond the mental realm into more bodily expressions: I express foreign instinctive behaviour - I often look about me for the opopsite sex with 'lustful eyes'; when this happens, there is the overriding, then I am able to restrain myself perfectly, and with regret. So much for the lower kind of disturbance.
I often have a sense of being kept from full happiness, which has in the past been much stronger together with a sense of accustaion and dismissal of my worth. This seems to come from somewhere outside of me; I thought for years I had been cursed by someone I knew because of some misdeed, but now I believe it is purely from the attention of spirits.
On to the higher level of disturbance. Just as I hear ghosts' voices coming from outside me in my surroundings (occasionally too they are able to literally murmur their communications through my mouth), so do I get a sense that the stronger disturbance comes from a place not in the immediate surroundings, but futher away, as if just beyond the Earth dimension. Secondly I feel as though this soul or these souls are bonded to me, anchored into me, such is the strength of the connection. Thoughts from these more malicious spirits, who as I said could be called demons, are intent on causing maximum injury, and they work in a different way. If I am thinking, and there is a related topic that could, say, infer a call for me having low self-esteem, my attention will be forcibly 'pushed' into this associated idea. This thought-changing operates by pushing my awareness into distressing associations, whether blasphemous ideas, violent ideas, or unsought sexual ideas. These are never seemingly my ideas, but they come into my awareness. I am not having subjective violent or sexual urges, but am being tortured, as it were, with distressing ideas. Just as with the 'ghosts', with the spirits further away, their passivisation of me extends beyond the mental into the physical, and specifically into body language and facial expression that in certain circumsatnces expresses to cause the appearance that I am unfriendly or even untrustworthy, which doesn't help my social phobia!
And this is how it all works. As far as I am aware, the fact is that spirits can hear our thoughts easily. This is just the way it is outside physical existence. (There is some evidence that in Heaven the primary form of communication is telepathic or emotional communciation, at least at higher levels of celestial existence).
Secondly, I believe that spirits are able to change our thoughts easily, just by exerting their will, which must in their cases be quite developed, from habit. Higher spirits from Heaven would not do this because it violates laws of Freedom.
What's the cure? It could be spiritual healing, or if you're lucky you can send a spirit away by focussing on Love and pray for the healing of the disturbed souls that are in turn disturbing you.
That's the long and the short of it.
As a PS, I'd like to add a note that brings home the reality of this condition to readers. Living without privacy is in the physical realm a situation engineered as a form of psychological torture, and this is what happens when you have the sense of openness that goes with thought-broadcasting/ thought insertion etc; and with me this loss of boundaries is something compelled by an apparent third party. Secondly the degree of injury that occurs through apparent disturbance of thinking patterns, which people with schizophrenia sometimes choose to call spiritual oppression can be considered like a form of torture also. It's that bad. You suffer very much and end up with low resilience sometimes and tiredness of spirit.
All this has a prevailing ring of unbelievableness to it, I know. Articulate psychotic exposition or underrated account of an esoteric reality? I hope it will help you, even if just as an interesting viewpoint of someone diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Monday, 5 October 2009
My magical ideation
'Magical ideation' is a term given to describe thinking about the paranormal and magical. People tending towards schizophrenia are supposed to have an array of beliefs that can incline towards irrationality. These includes beliefs about conspiracy theories, UFOS and extra terrestrial Life, superstition, magical powers, paranormal mental ablities and the way the universe works.
Here are my beliefs:
I occasionally catch myself following cultural superstitions (eg being afraid of breaking a mirror, wishing to avoid bad luck), but by and large I am immune to these beliefs.
I don't have many beliefs about extra-terrestrial Life (or alter-terrestrial Life, as I call it, since these are beings from other Earths - a more inclusive term!), but do believe that we are being supervised as a species by beings from other worlds.
I'm not sure about conspiracy theories, but generally have a trust in our governments that they aren't being run by secret organisations!!
I don't follow David Icke, but took value from his book "The Truth Vibrations".
I'm interested in white magic, and believe that it is definitely possible for a person to exert power over the Universe, though the ability to affect others' destiny is necessarily inhibited by the Law of Free Will. To me, white magic is benign, as is suggested by the name.
I'm an absolute believer in God, which seems to be a belief hedged into the paranormal and discredited as irrational these days. I am an optimist who believes God is purely and excellently good; and I believe that there is good and immense potential in everyone of us.
I am also an absolute believer in an afterlife, and angelic Life-companions who go with us through thick and thin to guide and comfort us on another level.
I believe it is possible to know the future - as it could come to pass. Here I draw on something I read in the Conversations With God trilogy, by Neale Donald Walsch and inspired by God, that says that glimpses of the future reveal possibilities and not certainties. I have had portentous dreams, and I sometimes get hints of the Future from spirit allies. I recently had a dream where I was witnessing a (good) event taking place in my flat, apparently in the future... It seemed realistic. It was as if I was standing there as my astral self watching things happen.
An important belief I have is that we can astral travel in dreams. This I feel quite fervently. I read that this is possible in Sylvia Browne's book Phenomenon, by way of corroboration. I have had dreams where I am with my father in Heaven (he died some years ago); in Heaven our abilities in all areas seem to be multiplied - I know this from a picture I drew and showed my father when I was in Heaven.
I do however believe that some connections (relationships / events) in Life are strongly predestined.
My main beliefs that could be criticised as paranormal or irrational are my beliefs in psychicness, which simply means the abilty to communicate with spiritual beings, 'spiritual' referring to a different quality of existence that constitutes the fabric of the benigs and places that we come to experience after death. I am a Christian, but I am a spiritualist in that I believe the ability to hear, see and otherwise sense spiritual reality is innocent through and through. I ask, if others can have these beliefs, I mean spiritualists, why can't I? Why can it not be respected that I have spiritual sensitivity, and secondly that I am in an unusual spiritual circumstance (re disturbance). Again, I'm not saying I've never known illness, quite the oppposite, I admit to psychosis, but there is another element at play too, asevere degree of negative spiritual interplay.
The term 'magical thinking' referes to erroneous thinking about what is possbile as regards the effects of magical practices in changing worldly circumstances. I remember that when I first got ill, I assumed that I could control events. I wished for footballers broadcast on televsion to score goals. I moved my hands to attempt to manipulate the motion of pool balls as my friends played.
I had made assumptions about my natural powers that were incorrect. I believe in miracles though - and I'm sure that they were beyond me, for all my self-belief.
This post may give you some insight into my position. It partly serves to convince that I have fairly regular beliefs, except as regards psychism, in support of my arguments.
Here are my beliefs:
I occasionally catch myself following cultural superstitions (eg being afraid of breaking a mirror, wishing to avoid bad luck), but by and large I am immune to these beliefs.
I don't have many beliefs about extra-terrestrial Life (or alter-terrestrial Life, as I call it, since these are beings from other Earths - a more inclusive term!), but do believe that we are being supervised as a species by beings from other worlds.
I'm not sure about conspiracy theories, but generally have a trust in our governments that they aren't being run by secret organisations!!
I don't follow David Icke, but took value from his book "The Truth Vibrations".
I'm interested in white magic, and believe that it is definitely possible for a person to exert power over the Universe, though the ability to affect others' destiny is necessarily inhibited by the Law of Free Will. To me, white magic is benign, as is suggested by the name.
I'm an absolute believer in God, which seems to be a belief hedged into the paranormal and discredited as irrational these days. I am an optimist who believes God is purely and excellently good; and I believe that there is good and immense potential in everyone of us.
I am also an absolute believer in an afterlife, and angelic Life-companions who go with us through thick and thin to guide and comfort us on another level.
I believe it is possible to know the future - as it could come to pass. Here I draw on something I read in the Conversations With God trilogy, by Neale Donald Walsch and inspired by God, that says that glimpses of the future reveal possibilities and not certainties. I have had portentous dreams, and I sometimes get hints of the Future from spirit allies. I recently had a dream where I was witnessing a (good) event taking place in my flat, apparently in the future... It seemed realistic. It was as if I was standing there as my astral self watching things happen.
An important belief I have is that we can astral travel in dreams. This I feel quite fervently. I read that this is possible in Sylvia Browne's book Phenomenon, by way of corroboration. I have had dreams where I am with my father in Heaven (he died some years ago); in Heaven our abilities in all areas seem to be multiplied - I know this from a picture I drew and showed my father when I was in Heaven.
I do however believe that some connections (relationships / events) in Life are strongly predestined.
My main beliefs that could be criticised as paranormal or irrational are my beliefs in psychicness, which simply means the abilty to communicate with spiritual beings, 'spiritual' referring to a different quality of existence that constitutes the fabric of the benigs and places that we come to experience after death. I am a Christian, but I am a spiritualist in that I believe the ability to hear, see and otherwise sense spiritual reality is innocent through and through. I ask, if others can have these beliefs, I mean spiritualists, why can't I? Why can it not be respected that I have spiritual sensitivity, and secondly that I am in an unusual spiritual circumstance (re disturbance). Again, I'm not saying I've never known illness, quite the oppposite, I admit to psychosis, but there is another element at play too, asevere degree of negative spiritual interplay.
The term 'magical thinking' referes to erroneous thinking about what is possbile as regards the effects of magical practices in changing worldly circumstances. I remember that when I first got ill, I assumed that I could control events. I wished for footballers broadcast on televsion to score goals. I moved my hands to attempt to manipulate the motion of pool balls as my friends played.
I had made assumptions about my natural powers that were incorrect. I believe in miracles though - and I'm sure that they were beyond me, for all my self-belief.
This post may give you some insight into my position. It partly serves to convince that I have fairly regular beliefs, except as regards psychism, in support of my arguments.
To Medicate Or Not To Medicate
It occurred to me that some may find this blog, in a state of poor health and possibly afflicted by spiritual disturbance, and think that it would be enough to only seek out spiritual healing. Maybe it would be enough, but I would say try spiritual healing and talk to a doctor. Medication could do things for you that a healer may struggle to resolve. At the end of the day it's better to be well than to avoid the doctor.
Cultural Norms
Maybe there's something wrong in the details of what I'm writing/thinking, but sometimes I feel like I'm not sane, when I wholeheartedly believe that I am. Is this insight creeping in, you may think? No, actually it's My Culture. (!)
I was trying to write in my last post the suggestion that spirits were causing me depression by weighing me down with the force of their dislike for me - I had to stop, because it didn't sound sane. Then I thought, in some societies, firstly this would be an acceptable proposition, and secondly, they would be able to deal with it. There are some highly evolved spiritual traditions in the world that are not very well known, such as the oldest traditions of religion on Earth, of shamanic mediation between the Worlds of spiritual and material Reality.
It's hard for me to comment on this feeling of inadequacy that I had, because it's not so much a part of my experience anymore - things are easier for me now, I've healed. However, I still experience negative spiritual interactions, which may as well be taboo, because the frame of reference has largely fallen out of my culture - I can't discuss what I'm going through with my granny, for example, and very easily retain her respect. Ordinary people outside the spiritual healing profession have little everyday awareness of spirit trouble. You could say there is a lamentably low spiritual awareness in the First World, whether in medical science's consistently denying independent individuals' testimonies of problematic spiritual interaction or in the common awareness of what is or is not spiritually safe. But then as regards safety my condition is surely quite rare, it's within the esoteric realm - I even had trouble convincing some spiritual healers of what I have been going through. There must be a benefit to this lesser cultural awareness, though - less superstition, and also less sensitivity and thus less exposure to danger. Still, most people are not going to need psychic protection, either because they aren't sensitive, they don't put themselves at risk through drugs or unwise practices, or because their natural and ordinary benevolence bounces negativity away. I don't think that under normal circumstances a person will end up getting haunted, usually.
There's still the power in the Church. When I was last really ill, I went to a religious service in hospital; at communion I signified that I wished for a blessing instead of receiving the Host, and the priest made the sign of the cross in front of my head with the wafer - as he did so I felt the energy clear around my head and there was a moment of alleviation of psychic pressure.
I don't wish to turn "Science" into a sceptical Enemy, and bad-mouth every doctor, but I do think that the First World, though triumphing in places due to rational argument, also wears the belt of scepticism too tight. I have an experience that I can't talk about fairly, it seems; there's a blanket ban on my credibility in suggesting an unusual spiritual phenomenon may be happening to me.
I suppose my experience affirms to me two things: 1) that there is an afterlife; 2) that psychicness is real. I would also like to affirm to the reader that the circumstances of spiritual disturbance I am in are rare - I feel a duty of comfort and of balancing of perspective, since I am arguing in a way for the derangement of conventional boundaries, which I think may be frightening for those who are new to these beliefs. Also I affirm that Life has other purposes for me than to suffer, and it is my task to find and fulfil the true purpose of Life for myself.
Not very long ago, when praying for Divine Intervention - actually I was despairing/angry, I didn't understand why God, the Almighty Spirit, did not intervene to stop the frustrating and painful abuse of my mind - ... when praying for Divine intervention, I heard a voice say "You are to seek shamanic help". The voice was a 'higher' voice, trustworthy and female (and it sounded slightly impatient!) I trust that there is someone who can help me balance my relationship to the spiritual and restore my mental health.
I'm grateful for the medical treatment I've received (despite the laissez-faire "Here's some medicine, go away and good luck" kind of approach). Anti-psychotic medication I believe helped my brain heal so that I left behind all manner of delusions. The sense of interaction with an unfriendly mind remained, however, for all the years of treatment, and remains undiminished in its hostility. Since I was stable between the period when I was using cannabis intensively and the time when I was correctly diagnosed, I believe, given that I am used to the negative 'symptoms' I have, that Life without medicine is viable, for the sake of feeling more alive, and I will hopefully try this next year. It was my intention to write a blog charting this process of 'demedication', but I also wished to write about my world-view, and couldn't wait! I would suggest to anyone reading this that you should certainly have your doctor's approval before coming off medication. (My doctor grudgingly approves of my wish to be drug-free!)
Time. Time is a wonderful thing. I read that of all people with schizophrenia, one third have their illness resolved immediately after medication, one third are much improved after ten years, and one third never get better; I must be in that middle third. Time is a wonderful thing. I look forward to getting better. I am really starting to enjoy Life - and this will surely lead me back to full functionality.
As a closing note, I'd like to say, please don't be too afraid of darkness. Everyone has their own guardian angels and spirit guides who protect them. I blew my natural defenses using cannabis, which is unusual. If you're still worried learn about closing down the chakras for added safety(see earlier post and link). The best way to be safe, as many sources say, is to focus on Love; conversely fear (and unlovingness) endanger you. So relax!
I was trying to write in my last post the suggestion that spirits were causing me depression by weighing me down with the force of their dislike for me - I had to stop, because it didn't sound sane. Then I thought, in some societies, firstly this would be an acceptable proposition, and secondly, they would be able to deal with it. There are some highly evolved spiritual traditions in the world that are not very well known, such as the oldest traditions of religion on Earth, of shamanic mediation between the Worlds of spiritual and material Reality.
It's hard for me to comment on this feeling of inadequacy that I had, because it's not so much a part of my experience anymore - things are easier for me now, I've healed. However, I still experience negative spiritual interactions, which may as well be taboo, because the frame of reference has largely fallen out of my culture - I can't discuss what I'm going through with my granny, for example, and very easily retain her respect. Ordinary people outside the spiritual healing profession have little everyday awareness of spirit trouble. You could say there is a lamentably low spiritual awareness in the First World, whether in medical science's consistently denying independent individuals' testimonies of problematic spiritual interaction or in the common awareness of what is or is not spiritually safe. But then as regards safety my condition is surely quite rare, it's within the esoteric realm - I even had trouble convincing some spiritual healers of what I have been going through. There must be a benefit to this lesser cultural awareness, though - less superstition, and also less sensitivity and thus less exposure to danger. Still, most people are not going to need psychic protection, either because they aren't sensitive, they don't put themselves at risk through drugs or unwise practices, or because their natural and ordinary benevolence bounces negativity away. I don't think that under normal circumstances a person will end up getting haunted, usually.
There's still the power in the Church. When I was last really ill, I went to a religious service in hospital; at communion I signified that I wished for a blessing instead of receiving the Host, and the priest made the sign of the cross in front of my head with the wafer - as he did so I felt the energy clear around my head and there was a moment of alleviation of psychic pressure.
I don't wish to turn "Science" into a sceptical Enemy, and bad-mouth every doctor, but I do think that the First World, though triumphing in places due to rational argument, also wears the belt of scepticism too tight. I have an experience that I can't talk about fairly, it seems; there's a blanket ban on my credibility in suggesting an unusual spiritual phenomenon may be happening to me.
I suppose my experience affirms to me two things: 1) that there is an afterlife; 2) that psychicness is real. I would also like to affirm to the reader that the circumstances of spiritual disturbance I am in are rare - I feel a duty of comfort and of balancing of perspective, since I am arguing in a way for the derangement of conventional boundaries, which I think may be frightening for those who are new to these beliefs. Also I affirm that Life has other purposes for me than to suffer, and it is my task to find and fulfil the true purpose of Life for myself.
Not very long ago, when praying for Divine Intervention - actually I was despairing/angry, I didn't understand why God, the Almighty Spirit, did not intervene to stop the frustrating and painful abuse of my mind - ... when praying for Divine intervention, I heard a voice say "You are to seek shamanic help". The voice was a 'higher' voice, trustworthy and female (and it sounded slightly impatient!) I trust that there is someone who can help me balance my relationship to the spiritual and restore my mental health.
I'm grateful for the medical treatment I've received (despite the laissez-faire "Here's some medicine, go away and good luck" kind of approach). Anti-psychotic medication I believe helped my brain heal so that I left behind all manner of delusions. The sense of interaction with an unfriendly mind remained, however, for all the years of treatment, and remains undiminished in its hostility. Since I was stable between the period when I was using cannabis intensively and the time when I was correctly diagnosed, I believe, given that I am used to the negative 'symptoms' I have, that Life without medicine is viable, for the sake of feeling more alive, and I will hopefully try this next year. It was my intention to write a blog charting this process of 'demedication', but I also wished to write about my world-view, and couldn't wait! I would suggest to anyone reading this that you should certainly have your doctor's approval before coming off medication. (My doctor grudgingly approves of my wish to be drug-free!)
Time. Time is a wonderful thing. I read that of all people with schizophrenia, one third have their illness resolved immediately after medication, one third are much improved after ten years, and one third never get better; I must be in that middle third. Time is a wonderful thing. I look forward to getting better. I am really starting to enjoy Life - and this will surely lead me back to full functionality.
As a closing note, I'd like to say, please don't be too afraid of darkness. Everyone has their own guardian angels and spirit guides who protect them. I blew my natural defenses using cannabis, which is unusual. If you're still worried learn about closing down the chakras for added safety(see earlier post and link). The best way to be safe, as many sources say, is to focus on Love; conversely fear (and unlovingness) endanger you. So relax!
Diagnosis: discerning
The idea of this blog is to argue for a spiritual perspective to be included in 'Western mainstream medical psychiatry' (the hospital doctors of "First World countries", eg the USA and UK) along with the material perspective. But this won't help everybody - I believe there will always be a need for medication as well as for spiritual healing. Some people have real paranormal experiences called psychosis, and some have actual psychotic experiences - and there are also a portion who have a combination of the two varieties of experience. I admit to much psychotic experience. I only recently had a breakdown that brought on full hallucinations and delusions, reminding me that I am susceptible to psychosis (I had stopped taking my medicine suddenly). I have had two breakdowns - or rather, technically, one breakdown and one relapse. The original breakdown left me with delusions which lasted some years (not including beliefs in the phenomena that I here claim are real); after the relapse, I quickly recovered my regular state of health with the reapplication of medicinal treatment.
(Paranormal beliefs: wouldn't it help if there was someone to say, "OK, you may be susceptible to some incorrect beliefs - that's OK, it's a complicated world and we're not all Einsteins - let me help you." Wouldn't it be great if there was someone who could look at a person's thinking and help them discern between truth and impossiblity in difficult areas? I know that's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy territory, but I myself haven't had anything like this).
How do you discern between someone having a potentially 'paranormal' spiritual experience and someone who is in need of close medical attention? Perhaps the paranormalists are able to function well, they are articulate and are not responsive to medication. I believe that a person' s testimony should be considered. If they say they are being affected by something paranormal, at least consider it, test the possibilities.
Fortunately nowadays doors are being opened, and spirit release therapy is being undertaken by some pscyhiatrists who put their patients under hypnosis. (It is a norm in the section of society that claims to interact with the spiritual for there to be beliefs like this: that, given the existence of the soul and an 'Afterlife' existence, some people after death do not move on to their proper place, through fear or addiction or grief for example and these individuals can become 'bonded'/attached to others who are still incarnate, adversely affecting their minds, emotions and behaviours). Spirit release seeks to help both incarnate and 'discarnate' people. Here, then, is exorcism, or Old World thinking entering into New, scientific World thinking. You can get rid of superstition, but you can't get rid of the supernatural! So maybe all that tradition of believing schizophrenia to be 'demonic' possession was partly absolutely correct.
If you are a training doctor, why not make contact with someone in the spiritual healing profession and interview them? This could give you valuable insights.
I wonder what doctors who have fairly regular religious beliefs think when they encounter someone who fervently reports a fairly regular instance of spiritual 'disturbance'? Since a belief in God and Heaven and the soul easily allow for the logic of the existence of souls who do not wish to ascend (to meet what they believe is a God of wrathful judgement) and so remain close to the Earth where they affect sensitive individuals. What do doctors of spiritualist faith think when they encounter people who claim to be bothered or possessed by spirits?
But how do I know that what I experience is a real interchange with other real beings external to me, and not a clever and perfectly convincing hallucination, a chemical malfunction of the brain's imaginative faculty?
I believe in God, I have encountered God.
I believe in departed saints, I have encountered departed saints.
I believe there are people in another dimension of Being commonly known as Heaven, I encounter these beings daily.
I believe it is possible for people who are commonly known as ghosts to avoid God and Heaven, I encounter these beings daily.
The experiences are not just negative, they are benign as well - I frequently encounter my departed family and friends, they are with me on and off every day throughout the day, I suppose to help me and lift my energyduring this difficult phase of my Life. (I am glad of my firm belief in the afterlife, tanks to my experience; I have great friends who can be with me in any place and at any time!). The night before my father died, three and a half years ago, I was sitting writing down my thoughts of him and I spiritually heard his voice, he said "I will be by your side every day." Later that summer I was tending the barbecue and I felt a subtle movement above my head, full of power, spelling out the words "Hello, young man"; it was my father; I sensed hm behind me (I'm good at sensing him!); he was full of great strength and gravity - his celestial nature (the way we are supposed to be). There was an incident at a spiritualist church of confirmation too that he knew my thoughts, and he comically responded, passing a message through a friend there! [(Also, at the church one of their clairvoyants assured me that I was healing myself, as I had the White Light of God's Being around me)].
One time a famous departed Indian saint who I think of sometimes visited me and said he would 'ward off evil'... Because what disturbs me is evil sometimes, when it is not simply malicious.
What is it that makes me struggle to believe my own beliefs?!! Being told I am insane, I suppose. It's not a nice feeling and position.
Right now I'm thinking of regular ol' Christianity - in which there is abundant belief in the occasional requirement for exorcism - but I'm [conveniently??!] not brave enough to get the local priest to go to the local bishop and get my entire family reviewed etc etc before I can get a powerful exorcism done. I don't think I truly require an exorcism anyway, as I'm not possessed; I identify my concern as 'demonic infestation' (which I suppose to be much more common than possession). And don't forget (see earlier post) 'demon' does not necessarily mean pointed tail and horns, or horror film nasty, but merely a person between Earth and Heaven with major emotional issues bent on malice and eventually being what we call evil.
So I have frequent spiritual interactions: many are benign; some of them impinge on my privacy; and others are out and out undesirable. And all convincing. The ghosts around me (who I can communciate with, but who so far refuse to leave) repeat to me (sometimes) "We're real"; and when there are aggressive disturbances to my thinking by what I take to be more distant spirits, I feel a malicious personality on the other end.
I haven't found the right spiritual healer yet. I've had varying degrees of success with them - and some 'miraculous' (ordinary spiritual) changes have occurred. But at the end of the day, I'm the king of my castle, and if I have mislaid my personal power, it's up to me to find it again.
The Catholic church conducts house blessings where they will go to a house and spiritually bless it. A Catholic group called the St. Padre Pio Centre For Deliverance Counselling offer a format for house blessing that anyone can do, here: http://www.saintpiocenter.org/materials/houseblessing.pdf. This seems to be a good ritual, with good prayers and the feature of blessing rooms with holy salt, holy water and holy medals, which may bring you a sense of comfort and wholeness/safety. Although not completely official (not officially approved of - nor condemned) and quite long, this should still be a useful resource for those who wish for some self-defense in the Christian tradition. You will need some medals of Saint Benedict, who is the Catholic patron saint of spiritual safety. Some of the wording of the ritual could be considered fear-based, going into protection against a long list of different expressions of malevolence -such as hexes, but I think this still has relevance as a defense against all kinds of ill will, and it may be relevant to you if you are experiencing disturbance. For years I wondered if I had been cursed, I thought I had angered someone terribily; I went through my memories of my past deeds wishing to 'repent' of my mistaken behaviours, because I felt what was like a powerful cloud of disparagement hanging over me causing me an unnatural depression. I believe in the power of thought, given enough energy, to cause another depression - this is not an uncommon idea in the literature I have read. I'm not sure where this depressing feeling came from for me, but it could have been from the same source that seeks to injure me.
I have recently put in a request for distance healing at a website offering this type of healing free, to help those spirits sheltering near me to move on. Although I have many celestial friends neither they, nor God or the angels, intervene to move the Earthbound discarnate people from my environment. This must partly be due to free will, which I understand to be an immutable law.
Many people offer spirit release professionally, which involves 'counselling' the spirit and directing them on how to leave, and I have by no means exhausted the possibilities of this.
The people at the Saint Padre Pio Center state that one must not talk to spirits. I don't see the harm in it; however, once I said goodnight to them, and I heard a higher voice groan "That's just cost us two years..." implying they are trying to change the situation, and my loving intentions only made things worse by causing the spirits further attachment to the Earth plane. My haunting comes under the 'non-violent' category. The Saint Padre Pio Center have a wonderful prayer for these fugitive souls: http://www.saintpiocenter.org/SelfHelp/NonViolentHauntings.asp; it goes:
"Lord Jesus, master of all things created and Creator of all things, I ask for your mercy on the poor soul in this place who still suffers here on Earth. In Your goodness, Lord, You have allowed this soul to make its presence known so that (he or she) can obtain the necessary graces to enter into Your kingdom. Look now Lord, with your eyes of mercy, upon this creature whom You love and allow them to experience the joy of Your presence for all eternity. Amen."
Thanks to the group at Saint Padre Pio Center For Spiritual Warfare for that.They advise that you don't talk to these poor souls, only pray for them, (which is a wonderful thing in itself). And it's always good to ignore the voices if they trouble you, because then you can invest your energy into the Life you do wish for.
A note on approval - the above defense methodology is Christian; just as the scientific is at odds with the paranormal, the Catholic or literalist Christian can be at odds with the New Age, where I tend to look to for help. I have faith that whatever your religious lifestyle, you can find someone you approve of to help you with spiritual disturbance. [A little PS, in Ayurvedic (traditional Indian) medicine, they have 'spirit release' too, and they call it bhuta vidya].
This has been an enormous post, in which I know I have gone dangerously close to waffling, for some readers' interest. I have tried to provide information that I think will help those in a situation like mine - and it's something to chew on for those who are here as sceptical observers.
(Paranormal beliefs: wouldn't it help if there was someone to say, "OK, you may be susceptible to some incorrect beliefs - that's OK, it's a complicated world and we're not all Einsteins - let me help you." Wouldn't it be great if there was someone who could look at a person's thinking and help them discern between truth and impossiblity in difficult areas? I know that's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy territory, but I myself haven't had anything like this).
How do you discern between someone having a potentially 'paranormal' spiritual experience and someone who is in need of close medical attention? Perhaps the paranormalists are able to function well, they are articulate and are not responsive to medication. I believe that a person' s testimony should be considered. If they say they are being affected by something paranormal, at least consider it, test the possibilities.
Fortunately nowadays doors are being opened, and spirit release therapy is being undertaken by some pscyhiatrists who put their patients under hypnosis. (It is a norm in the section of society that claims to interact with the spiritual for there to be beliefs like this: that, given the existence of the soul and an 'Afterlife' existence, some people after death do not move on to their proper place, through fear or addiction or grief for example and these individuals can become 'bonded'/attached to others who are still incarnate, adversely affecting their minds, emotions and behaviours). Spirit release seeks to help both incarnate and 'discarnate' people. Here, then, is exorcism, or Old World thinking entering into New, scientific World thinking. You can get rid of superstition, but you can't get rid of the supernatural! So maybe all that tradition of believing schizophrenia to be 'demonic' possession was partly absolutely correct.
If you are a training doctor, why not make contact with someone in the spiritual healing profession and interview them? This could give you valuable insights.
I wonder what doctors who have fairly regular religious beliefs think when they encounter someone who fervently reports a fairly regular instance of spiritual 'disturbance'? Since a belief in God and Heaven and the soul easily allow for the logic of the existence of souls who do not wish to ascend (to meet what they believe is a God of wrathful judgement) and so remain close to the Earth where they affect sensitive individuals. What do doctors of spiritualist faith think when they encounter people who claim to be bothered or possessed by spirits?
But how do I know that what I experience is a real interchange with other real beings external to me, and not a clever and perfectly convincing hallucination, a chemical malfunction of the brain's imaginative faculty?
I believe in God, I have encountered God.
I believe in departed saints, I have encountered departed saints.
I believe there are people in another dimension of Being commonly known as Heaven, I encounter these beings daily.
I believe it is possible for people who are commonly known as ghosts to avoid God and Heaven, I encounter these beings daily.
The experiences are not just negative, they are benign as well - I frequently encounter my departed family and friends, they are with me on and off every day throughout the day, I suppose to help me and lift my energyduring this difficult phase of my Life. (I am glad of my firm belief in the afterlife, tanks to my experience; I have great friends who can be with me in any place and at any time!). The night before my father died, three and a half years ago, I was sitting writing down my thoughts of him and I spiritually heard his voice, he said "I will be by your side every day." Later that summer I was tending the barbecue and I felt a subtle movement above my head, full of power, spelling out the words "Hello, young man"; it was my father; I sensed hm behind me (I'm good at sensing him!); he was full of great strength and gravity - his celestial nature (the way we are supposed to be). There was an incident at a spiritualist church of confirmation too that he knew my thoughts, and he comically responded, passing a message through a friend there! [(Also, at the church one of their clairvoyants assured me that I was healing myself, as I had the White Light of God's Being around me)].
One time a famous departed Indian saint who I think of sometimes visited me and said he would 'ward off evil'... Because what disturbs me is evil sometimes, when it is not simply malicious.
What is it that makes me struggle to believe my own beliefs?!! Being told I am insane, I suppose. It's not a nice feeling and position.
Right now I'm thinking of regular ol' Christianity - in which there is abundant belief in the occasional requirement for exorcism - but I'm [conveniently??!] not brave enough to get the local priest to go to the local bishop and get my entire family reviewed etc etc before I can get a powerful exorcism done. I don't think I truly require an exorcism anyway, as I'm not possessed; I identify my concern as 'demonic infestation' (which I suppose to be much more common than possession). And don't forget (see earlier post) 'demon' does not necessarily mean pointed tail and horns, or horror film nasty, but merely a person between Earth and Heaven with major emotional issues bent on malice and eventually being what we call evil.
So I have frequent spiritual interactions: many are benign; some of them impinge on my privacy; and others are out and out undesirable. And all convincing. The ghosts around me (who I can communciate with, but who so far refuse to leave) repeat to me (sometimes) "We're real"; and when there are aggressive disturbances to my thinking by what I take to be more distant spirits, I feel a malicious personality on the other end.
I haven't found the right spiritual healer yet. I've had varying degrees of success with them - and some 'miraculous' (ordinary spiritual) changes have occurred. But at the end of the day, I'm the king of my castle, and if I have mislaid my personal power, it's up to me to find it again.
The Catholic church conducts house blessings where they will go to a house and spiritually bless it. A Catholic group called the St. Padre Pio Centre For Deliverance Counselling offer a format for house blessing that anyone can do, here: http://www.saintpiocenter.org/materials/houseblessing.pdf. This seems to be a good ritual, with good prayers and the feature of blessing rooms with holy salt, holy water and holy medals, which may bring you a sense of comfort and wholeness/safety. Although not completely official (not officially approved of - nor condemned) and quite long, this should still be a useful resource for those who wish for some self-defense in the Christian tradition. You will need some medals of Saint Benedict, who is the Catholic patron saint of spiritual safety. Some of the wording of the ritual could be considered fear-based, going into protection against a long list of different expressions of malevolence -such as hexes, but I think this still has relevance as a defense against all kinds of ill will, and it may be relevant to you if you are experiencing disturbance. For years I wondered if I had been cursed, I thought I had angered someone terribily; I went through my memories of my past deeds wishing to 'repent' of my mistaken behaviours, because I felt what was like a powerful cloud of disparagement hanging over me causing me an unnatural depression. I believe in the power of thought, given enough energy, to cause another depression - this is not an uncommon idea in the literature I have read. I'm not sure where this depressing feeling came from for me, but it could have been from the same source that seeks to injure me.
I have recently put in a request for distance healing at a website offering this type of healing free, to help those spirits sheltering near me to move on. Although I have many celestial friends neither they, nor God or the angels, intervene to move the Earthbound discarnate people from my environment. This must partly be due to free will, which I understand to be an immutable law.
Many people offer spirit release professionally, which involves 'counselling' the spirit and directing them on how to leave, and I have by no means exhausted the possibilities of this.
The people at the Saint Padre Pio Center state that one must not talk to spirits. I don't see the harm in it; however, once I said goodnight to them, and I heard a higher voice groan "That's just cost us two years..." implying they are trying to change the situation, and my loving intentions only made things worse by causing the spirits further attachment to the Earth plane. My haunting comes under the 'non-violent' category. The Saint Padre Pio Center have a wonderful prayer for these fugitive souls: http://www.saintpiocenter.org/SelfHelp/NonViolentHauntings.asp; it goes:
"Lord Jesus, master of all things created and Creator of all things, I ask for your mercy on the poor soul in this place who still suffers here on Earth. In Your goodness, Lord, You have allowed this soul to make its presence known so that (he or she) can obtain the necessary graces to enter into Your kingdom. Look now Lord, with your eyes of mercy, upon this creature whom You love and allow them to experience the joy of Your presence for all eternity. Amen."
Thanks to the group at Saint Padre Pio Center For Spiritual Warfare for that.They advise that you don't talk to these poor souls, only pray for them, (which is a wonderful thing in itself). And it's always good to ignore the voices if they trouble you, because then you can invest your energy into the Life you do wish for.
A note on approval - the above defense methodology is Christian; just as the scientific is at odds with the paranormal, the Catholic or literalist Christian can be at odds with the New Age, where I tend to look to for help. I have faith that whatever your religious lifestyle, you can find someone you approve of to help you with spiritual disturbance. [A little PS, in Ayurvedic (traditional Indian) medicine, they have 'spirit release' too, and they call it bhuta vidya].
This has been an enormous post, in which I know I have gone dangerously close to waffling, for some readers' interest. I have tried to provide information that I think will help those in a situation like mine - and it's something to chew on for those who are here as sceptical observers.
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Esoteria
In this post I wish to write about the human aura as it affects my story. I have called this post 'esoteria' because this is an esoteric topic. They say these days are a time of revealing, as esoteric knowledge is available to anyone. This is supposed to mark a new phase of human evolution. There is a downside to all the new awareness and personal deveopment that comes with the passing of the esoteric into the common heritage, and it is this: people experimenting in dangerous ways. Reading about spiritual safety, it is often said that people should not ordinarily use the 'oui-ja board', because it invites the attention of ghosts, leading to hauntings, possession or spiritual harrassment. Another thing that you may be warned about when reading about spiritual safety is drug use.
In any spiritual practice, it is important to close down the 'chakras' afterwards. The 'chakras' or energy centres are part of our subtle energetic biology and are responsible for downstepping the Universal energy to sustain us in physical form; (the entire sysyem includes the meridians, small channels of subtle energy that cover the physical form, which are used in acupuncture). Spiritual activity opens up the chakras; just as we may wish to open the chakras to pursue our spiritual course, it is also important to close them down afterwards. Here is an example of a method of closing the chakras taken from elsewhere on the Interweb: http://www.mindworks.uk.com/website/chakra.htm .
Before I go on, I'd like to introduce another esoteric idea: that we are all creative beings who can attract different circumstances to us through our thoughts feelings and behaviours. This esoteric belief is emerging with great force into the public consciousness through literary information such as the famous book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. If I've made you nervous writing about spiritual safety and closing down the chakras, follow this next link and it will balance your emotions http://www.askahealer.com/spiritual-protection.htm . I read this page last night and it was a real comfort. Fear itself is 'attractive', so it's good to have a balanced awareness! I've come to realise that you can bring change by focussing on growing what you love in Life just as easily and more easily than by fighting with what you don't like.
So from reading the page linked above on chakras you will know that closing down prevents us from absorbing unwanted energies, such as other's stress.
I didn't know about any of this either, when my breakdown began. Do a little reading and you will find that drug use opens up the aura. Secondly, cannabis use is known to turn off your natural spiritual defenses by it's effect on the aura. The human aura, when healthy, encloses you in a bubble that admits health-giving universal energies and has a modicum of defense against unloving energies. Drug use can leave you vulnerable. When I got ill, with all the distrust I felt towards my girlfriend, and all the dislike I caused myself from her from conflict with her, and all the profound fear I felt in full breakdown when having horrific hallucinations, I believe all of this, in combination with an aura that has been damaged by cannabis use, has polarised me to attract negative daily experiences and be in a state of spiritual vulnerability.
But I don't wish to create a bleak picture and leave you all staring frightened at you computer monitors. The human spirit is mighty indeed; it is divine. I'm sure that you, like me, can cope with anything, even adverse spiritual circumstances, if it comes down to it.
Closing down the chakras will help keep you safe, if you are interested in spirituality. I also think that it is important to keep one foot firmly in the 'everyday', to stay grounded and functional, whatever lifestyle you choose. It took me a sizeable degree of cannabis over-use to get where I am, having only partial awareness of what the drug does (ie not knowing that it's holy as well as fun), and I believe my circumstances of vulnerability are... rare. Things are getting better all the time, and I expect to be back to normal one day, whether through my own effort or with the help of a spiritual healer of some kind. (Two years ago I saw a shamanic healer who was able to heal my completely, but only for a few hours).
So that was a whirlwind tour of a section of the esoteric beliefs that are currently emerging into common awareness. I have educated myself in these matters over the course of my journey into full health, which has been, by-the-by spiritually enlightening in that respect. There are books you can buy on 'psychic protection' ranging from cuddly-nice to beyond-scary-don't-touch. If you're on my level, I really recommend a book called Psychic Protection: Creating Positive Energies For People And Places, by William Bloom, published by Piatkus. Buy it here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Psychic-Protection-Creating-Positive-Energies/dp/0749916036/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254657686&sr=1-4 .
If you think you're experiencing circumstances of spiritual vulnerability, remember to have hope! This is great. Educate yourself, there are many methods of self-defense you can try, and consider finding a spiritual healer to help you, for example a shamanic or Reiki healer. Have faith too, in a benign universe that is actually manifested from pure love and strive to se through the mysterious illusion of fear and suffering. Life has other purposes than for us to be suffering intensely!
With love and best wishes, Mr. S
In any spiritual practice, it is important to close down the 'chakras' afterwards. The 'chakras' or energy centres are part of our subtle energetic biology and are responsible for downstepping the Universal energy to sustain us in physical form; (the entire sysyem includes the meridians, small channels of subtle energy that cover the physical form, which are used in acupuncture). Spiritual activity opens up the chakras; just as we may wish to open the chakras to pursue our spiritual course, it is also important to close them down afterwards. Here is an example of a method of closing the chakras taken from elsewhere on the Interweb: http://www.mindworks.uk.com/website/chakra.htm .
Before I go on, I'd like to introduce another esoteric idea: that we are all creative beings who can attract different circumstances to us through our thoughts feelings and behaviours. This esoteric belief is emerging with great force into the public consciousness through literary information such as the famous book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. If I've made you nervous writing about spiritual safety and closing down the chakras, follow this next link and it will balance your emotions http://www.askahealer.com/spiritual-protection.htm . I read this page last night and it was a real comfort. Fear itself is 'attractive', so it's good to have a balanced awareness! I've come to realise that you can bring change by focussing on growing what you love in Life just as easily and more easily than by fighting with what you don't like.
So from reading the page linked above on chakras you will know that closing down prevents us from absorbing unwanted energies, such as other's stress.
I didn't know about any of this either, when my breakdown began. Do a little reading and you will find that drug use opens up the aura. Secondly, cannabis use is known to turn off your natural spiritual defenses by it's effect on the aura. The human aura, when healthy, encloses you in a bubble that admits health-giving universal energies and has a modicum of defense against unloving energies. Drug use can leave you vulnerable. When I got ill, with all the distrust I felt towards my girlfriend, and all the dislike I caused myself from her from conflict with her, and all the profound fear I felt in full breakdown when having horrific hallucinations, I believe all of this, in combination with an aura that has been damaged by cannabis use, has polarised me to attract negative daily experiences and be in a state of spiritual vulnerability.
But I don't wish to create a bleak picture and leave you all staring frightened at you computer monitors. The human spirit is mighty indeed; it is divine. I'm sure that you, like me, can cope with anything, even adverse spiritual circumstances, if it comes down to it.
Closing down the chakras will help keep you safe, if you are interested in spirituality. I also think that it is important to keep one foot firmly in the 'everyday', to stay grounded and functional, whatever lifestyle you choose. It took me a sizeable degree of cannabis over-use to get where I am, having only partial awareness of what the drug does (ie not knowing that it's holy as well as fun), and I believe my circumstances of vulnerability are... rare. Things are getting better all the time, and I expect to be back to normal one day, whether through my own effort or with the help of a spiritual healer of some kind. (Two years ago I saw a shamanic healer who was able to heal my completely, but only for a few hours).
So that was a whirlwind tour of a section of the esoteric beliefs that are currently emerging into common awareness. I have educated myself in these matters over the course of my journey into full health, which has been, by-the-by spiritually enlightening in that respect. There are books you can buy on 'psychic protection' ranging from cuddly-nice to beyond-scary-don't-touch. If you're on my level, I really recommend a book called Psychic Protection: Creating Positive Energies For People And Places, by William Bloom, published by Piatkus. Buy it here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Psychic-Protection-Creating-Positive-Energies/dp/0749916036/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254657686&sr=1-4 .
If you think you're experiencing circumstances of spiritual vulnerability, remember to have hope! This is great. Educate yourself, there are many methods of self-defense you can try, and consider finding a spiritual healer to help you, for example a shamanic or Reiki healer. Have faith too, in a benign universe that is actually manifested from pure love and strive to se through the mysterious illusion of fear and suffering. Life has other purposes than for us to be suffering intensely!
With love and best wishes, Mr. S
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