Cultural Norms

Maybe there's something wrong in the details of what I'm writing/thinking, but sometimes I feel like I'm not sane, when I wholeheartedly believe that I am. Is this insight creeping in, you may think? No, actually it's My Culture. (!)

I was trying to write in my last post the suggestion that spirits were causing me depression by weighing me down with the force of their dislike for me - I had to stop, because it didn't sound sane. Then I thought, in some societies, firstly this would be an acceptable proposition, and secondly, they would be able to deal with it. There are some highly evolved spiritual traditions in the world that are not very well known, such as the oldest traditions of religion on Earth, of shamanic mediation between the Worlds of spiritual and material Reality.

It's hard for me to comment on this feeling of inadequacy that I had, because it's not so much a part of my experience anymore - things are easier for me now, I've healed. However, I still experience negative spiritual interactions, which may as well be taboo, because the frame of reference has largely fallen out of my culture - I can't discuss what I'm going through with my granny, for example, and very easily retain her respect. Ordinary people outside the spiritual healing profession have little everyday awareness of spirit trouble. You could say there is a lamentably low spiritual awareness in the First World, whether in medical science's consistently denying independent individuals' testimonies of problematic spiritual interaction or in the common awareness of what is or is not spiritually safe. But then as regards safety my condition is surely quite rare, it's within the esoteric realm - I even had trouble convincing some spiritual healers of what I have been going through. There must be a benefit to this lesser cultural awareness, though - less superstition, and also less sensitivity and thus less exposure to danger. Still, most people are not going to need psychic protection, either because they aren't sensitive, they don't put themselves at risk through drugs or unwise practices, or because their natural and ordinary benevolence bounces negativity away. I don't think that under normal circumstances a person will end up getting haunted, usually.

There's still the power in the Church. When I was last really ill, I went to a religious service in hospital; at communion I signified that I wished for a blessing instead of receiving the Host, and the priest made the sign of the cross in front of my head with the wafer - as he did so I felt the energy clear around my head and there was a moment of alleviation of psychic pressure.

I don't wish to turn "Science" into a sceptical Enemy, and bad-mouth every doctor, but I do think that the First World, though triumphing in places due to rational argument, also wears the belt of scepticism too tight. I have an experience that I can't talk about fairly, it seems; there's a blanket ban on my credibility in suggesting an unusual spiritual phenomenon may be happening to me.

I suppose my experience affirms to me two things: 1) that there is an afterlife; 2) that psychicness is real. I would also like to affirm to the reader that the circumstances of spiritual disturbance I am in are rare - I feel a duty of comfort and of balancing of perspective, since I am arguing in a way for the derangement of conventional boundaries, which I think may be frightening for those who are new to these beliefs. Also I affirm that Life has other purposes for me than to suffer, and it is my task to find and fulfil the true purpose of Life for myself.

Not very long ago, when praying for Divine Intervention - actually I was despairing/angry, I didn't understand why God, the Almighty Spirit, did not intervene to stop the frustrating and painful abuse of my mind - ... when praying for Divine intervention, I heard a voice say "You are to seek shamanic help". The voice was a 'higher' voice, trustworthy and female (and it sounded slightly impatient!) I trust that there is someone who can help me balance my relationship to the spiritual and restore my mental health.

I'm grateful for the medical treatment I've received (despite the laissez-faire "Here's some medicine, go away and good luck" kind of approach). Anti-psychotic medication I believe helped my brain heal so that I left behind all manner of delusions. The sense of interaction with an unfriendly mind remained, however, for all the years of treatment, and remains undiminished in its hostility. Since I was stable between the period when I was using cannabis intensively and the time when I was correctly diagnosed, I believe, given that I am used to the negative 'symptoms' I have, that Life without medicine is viable, for the sake of feeling more alive, and I will hopefully try this next year. It was my intention to write a blog charting this process of 'demedication', but I also wished to write about my world-view, and couldn't wait! I would suggest to anyone reading this that you should certainly have your doctor's approval before coming off medication. (My doctor grudgingly approves of my wish to be drug-free!)



Time. Time is a wonderful thing. I read that of all people with schizophrenia, one third have their illness resolved immediately after medication, one third are much improved after ten years, and one third never get better; I must be in that middle third. Time is a wonderful thing. I look forward to getting better. I am really starting to enjoy Life - and this will surely lead me back to full functionality.

As a closing note, I'd like to say, please don't be too afraid of darkness. Everyone has their own guardian angels and spirit guides who protect them. I blew my natural defenses using cannabis, which is unusual. If you're still worried learn about closing down the chakras for added safety(see earlier post and link). The best way to be safe, as many sources say, is to focus on Love; conversely fear (and unlovingness) endanger you. So relax!