Tuesday 6 October 2009

Analysis of My Inner Experience, For The Interested

Why do we have the notion of possession in our common global culture? Why do we have belief in the persistence of a soul and in an afterlife? Ponder, ponder....


I've read a little about classic schizophrenic thought patterns and experience. I wish to compare myself to these stated symptoms.

I don't exactly experience thought insertion, though I experience something similar, which I'll come to later.
I don't experience thought withdrawal, at all.
If I watch TV or listen to the radio I feel that thoughts, usually of a disparaging/injurious nature, are being compelled out of me by a malicious third party, so I don't partake of these media. To me this is not so much an instance of 'delusion of reference' as an instance of thought broadcasting. I believe that telepathy is possible, so I assume responsibility for this and stay away from TV and radio; I haven't watched TV in three and a half years, which is unusual in this society! (I have found corroboration for my beliefs in telepathy in the Earth Life series by Sanaya Roman, of which the first book is called Living With Joy; a basic premise in these books is that we are everyone of us telepathic beings who are in constant communciation with the universe on the thought level, and for example, thinking negatively about another person is enough to cause them a moment of thinking negatively about themselves! For me this is reality, and these books advocate to those who are able to send thoughts that they are responsible). If you buy the hypothesis, someone with thought-broadcasting ability is so powerfully a telepathic sender that they avoid public situations; for me the thought-broadcasting is compelled, with the ever-present associated feeilng of a malicious third party.
I'll write about how I think it's possible for thoughts to be compelled out of me a little later.

Another technical term - 'passivity', when a person feels they are being subtly controlled by special means. I experience a little of this, and I very strongly dislike it. It occurs in two ways: what I call thought-overriding and thought-changing. In my experience I interact with three kinds of spiritual people: 1) ghosts, who wander the Earth as mistaken fugitives from Heaven, 2) spirits a little further away who are still close to the Earth, who I have called 'demons' (probably a mistake, although gratifying, because it sets up a pattern of warfare), who have some kind of persisting advantage over us sensitive and vulnerable types and 3) celestial spirits ranging from family to extended family, and this third group of people visit me very frequently. [Intriguingly, and as crazy as it sounds - I prefer honesty - a number of my 'extended family' led famous lives on Earth, and equally intriguingly, they dislike being named, for the sake of humility.] The third group are very loving and never harm me - in fact they provide me with friendship and support in every detail of Life. The first group find it easy to over-ride my thoughts - and I imagine others will identify with this - I have the feeling that they forcefully override my thoughts and make them prurient, in the simple sense, or disrespectful, in the simple sense, or make me think in harsh, ie rude language, the language called 'cursing' or 'swearing'. This is what I was referring to as being like thought insertion. The passivity also extends beyond the mental realm into more bodily expressions: I express foreign instinctive behaviour - I often look about me for the opopsite sex with 'lustful eyes'; when this happens, there is the overriding, then I am able to restrain myself perfectly, and with regret. So much for the lower kind of disturbance.

I often have a sense of being kept from full happiness, which has in the past been much stronger together with a sense of accustaion and dismissal of my worth. This seems to come from somewhere outside of me; I thought for years I had been cursed by someone I knew because of some misdeed, but now I believe it is purely from the attention of spirits.

On to the higher level of disturbance. Just as I hear ghosts' voices coming from outside me in my surroundings (occasionally too they are able to literally murmur their communications through my mouth), so do I get a sense that the stronger disturbance comes from a place not in the immediate surroundings, but futher away, as if just beyond the Earth dimension. Secondly I feel as though this soul or these souls are bonded to me, anchored into me, such is the strength of the connection. Thoughts from these more malicious spirits, who as I said could be called demons, are intent on causing maximum injury, and they work in a different way. If I am thinking, and there is a related topic that could, say, infer a call for me having low self-esteem, my attention will be forcibly 'pushed' into this associated idea. This thought-changing operates by pushing my awareness into distressing associations, whether blasphemous ideas, violent ideas, or unsought sexual ideas. These are never seemingly my ideas, but they come into my awareness. I am not having subjective violent or sexual urges, but am being tortured, as it were, with distressing ideas. Just as with the 'ghosts', with the spirits further away, their passivisation of me extends beyond the mental into the physical, and specifically into body language and facial expression that in certain circumsatnces expresses to cause the appearance that I am unfriendly or even untrustworthy, which doesn't help my social phobia!

And this is how it all works. As far as I am aware, the fact is that spirits can hear our thoughts easily. This is just the way it is outside physical existence. (There is some evidence that in Heaven the primary form of communication is telepathic or emotional communciation, at least at higher levels of celestial existence).

Secondly, I believe that spirits are able to change our thoughts easily, just by exerting their will, which must in their cases be quite developed, from habit. Higher spirits from Heaven would not do this because it violates laws of Freedom.

What's the cure? It could be spiritual healing, or if you're lucky you can send a spirit away by focussing on Love and pray for the healing of the disturbed souls that are in turn disturbing you.

That's the long and the short of it.

As a PS, I'd like to add a note that brings home the reality of this condition to readers. Living without privacy is in the physical realm a situation engineered as a form of psychological torture, and this is what happens when you have the sense of openness that goes with thought-broadcasting/ thought insertion etc; and with me this loss of boundaries is something compelled by an apparent third party. Secondly the degree of injury that occurs through apparent disturbance of thinking patterns, which people with schizophrenia sometimes choose to call spiritual oppression can be considered like a form of torture also. It's that bad. You suffer very much and end up with low resilience sometimes and tiredness of spirit.


All this has a prevailing ring of unbelievableness to it, I know. Articulate psychotic exposition or underrated account of an esoteric reality? I hope it will help you, even if just as an interesting viewpoint of someone diagnosed with schizophrenia.

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