Today I woke up late, which made me angry. How late? 1730. After about 16 hours of sleep. (Why?)
I then proceeded to try and work on my writing, but my father seemed frustrated with this, and God-knows-how, interfered with and partially obstructed my mind to the effect that I could not think creatively about what I was doing. This made me angrier. Why does he obstruct me when I am already feeling low? Why don't my spirit helpers stop him influencing me like that?
So I called him 'every name under the sun', and am now "the son of an idiot"; there it is. Better to be angry than despair in ultimate ways.
I am not responding to this very constructively right now, but at least am not following a darker route, which has been flitting across my mind this evening.
Let's take a roll call of conditions:
But I have much to be thankful for - externally, things are as good as they could be!
I'm sorry to complain. I guess I'd rather be working happily on my writing. I'll let you into a secret: I am hoping to build a career in creative writing. I have a talent for writing.
Some months after he died (nearly 5 years ago), I was thinking about what to do with my life career-wise, and I heard my father's voice joyfully say that I am a born writer. So why does he obstruct me today (and on other days)?
Mysteries, mysteries.
I become very angry, hateful even (hence "son of an idiot"). Don't like.
Maybe this post is useful. A window into the world I live in.
I then proceeded to try and work on my writing, but my father seemed frustrated with this, and God-knows-how, interfered with and partially obstructed my mind to the effect that I could not think creatively about what I was doing. This made me angrier. Why does he obstruct me when I am already feeling low? Why don't my spirit helpers stop him influencing me like that?
So I called him 'every name under the sun', and am now "the son of an idiot"; there it is. Better to be angry than despair in ultimate ways.
I am not responding to this very constructively right now, but at least am not following a darker route, which has been flitting across my mind this evening.
Let's take a roll call of conditions:
- schizophrenic-type illness
- depression
- exhaustion/fatigue
But I have much to be thankful for - externally, things are as good as they could be!
I'm sorry to complain. I guess I'd rather be working happily on my writing. I'll let you into a secret: I am hoping to build a career in creative writing. I have a talent for writing.
Some months after he died (nearly 5 years ago), I was thinking about what to do with my life career-wise, and I heard my father's voice joyfully say that I am a born writer. So why does he obstruct me today (and on other days)?
Mysteries, mysteries.
I become very angry, hateful even (hence "son of an idiot"). Don't like.
Maybe this post is useful. A window into the world I live in.
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