Personal Life Milestone, And The Importance Of Living With Purpose

 

I think a lot of what I have been working with in this blog is the question of what I should believe about extra sensory phenomena, that can also be called natural sensitivity to the spiritual aspects of reality. I think I have been coming from a common materialist perspective whilst having ESP, and getting caught in doubt. I don’t really know people like me who have a lot of ESP and I have not had any kind of spiritual/psychic mentoring; certainly this has led me to be independent on my journey and make my own mind up about things. 

In my part of the world, we are quite secular, meaning that many of us don’t live with a sacred sense of spirit in everyday life. I mean compared with other cultures in history I have read about where it is woven through the culture. A portion of people live with faith in spiritual things, but how much mystical or psychic experience are they having? My impression is that the mystical and psychic is often a taboo, not completely accepted if it is talked about. There are ideas that it is very much forbidden, or unholy, or dangerous, or just a sign of insanity.

How many people have extra sensory knowing of some kind? It is supposed to be that about one in ten people hear voices. Not one in one hundred, but one in ten. It would be nice if we could accept and welcome this fact and not hide or reject it, or deny it outright. 

I like to read on Quora, the opinion website, and there the spiritual investigator Richard Martini writes about some people living with less filters on their experience. Richard Martini has done a lot of work looking at proof of reincarnation and talking through mediums with people living in Heaven, also saying we can all talk to them too. Biologically speaking, we have filters so that we can focus on what is essential to us, rather than have extraneous cosmic information distracting us. But some, like mediums, are born with less filters. Others he says reduce filters in meditation or when taking drugs like LSD. For myself, a medium told me recently that I am a medium, and she confirmed this with my spirit guides who were with her. I am someone with less filtering on my psychic awareness. Also, obviously extra openness due to having taken a lot of a drug called cannabis. Sometimes I have read writers saying that actually everyone is psychically sensitive, even that these are common human faculties that we lost in more recent history. 

I don’t know how the materialist/atheist and ‘conservative’ mainstream psychology will adapt to integrate with a world made up of people who are predominantly believers in the spiritual. But something has to give. Scientific curiosity and weight of belief and the experiences people have when aware of the spiritual will direct our culture’s evolution, which should be interesting! But exactly how this will progress I am not sure. There is already some open minded research being done into mediumship to investigate the difference with schizophrenia.

I don’t think I have or have had schizophrenia. I think I had an organic psychosis from using a drug (cannabis). Lasting changes occurred to my brain. The drug, a psychoactive drug used for millennia in religious/spiritual contexts seemed to have opened my latent psychic faculties. So I have been dealing with some serious mental illness, brain changes/changes to self and difficult spirit interactions following sudden spiritual awakening. 

I have been medicated for psychosis, that was broadly unhelpful, and two times when I stopped having the medicine I quickly became unwell with psychotic withdrawal symptoms. This withdrawal psychosis can happen and is not a sign that severe illness is my natural condition. I don’t like taking this medicine anymore and have reduced from 30mg to 10mg of Aripirazole in three years. I am hoping to go to 5mg for some time then one day reduce to a stop. This medicine is a brain medicine, it might do things to your mind, and you can’t just stop it when you don’t want to take it. I know from experience I have a brain very sensitive to withdrawal and need a very very gradual taper to stop completely. Not everyone needs the medicine, it doesn’t work for everyone, some are better without it. 

I wonder how psychologists will view people claiming to have psychic experience in 140 years’ time and onwards. I hope they will look with more emotional sensitivity, more respect, more scientific open-mindedness. That would be better, it would serve us better. 

Also, imagine what the medicines will be like then, or in 200 years! And the way we categorise illness will change, and the therapy given will be better, and the way we look at people who have mental health difficulties will hopefully improve. I think much of where we have been comes from collective habits; there is much each of us can do with gentle compassion.

Lastly, I am waking up to this: not to simply desire health of mind and body and soul for its own sake, for how good it feels, but to do something from the place of having health. 

In a book by Doreen Virtue she talks for the angels, and the angelic realm say that you can focus on problems or purpose. I am waking up to looking not at my problems but at my purpose in Life, the ways in which I can fulfil my heart’s desire and make a positive difference on Earth. I have things to do. 

I think this is a good reminder. To live for a reason and for light, not to be afraid of what appears dark or dwell on what is unhappy to us, but to will and intend to be constructive.

In writing this post I realise I have completed a large growth phase. I still have challenges to create health and get through living with some major psychological disturbance, but more than that I have a life mission to fulfil, things to create and achieve and do for the good of all. 

I wish you all well, readers, wherever and whenever you may be reading this, and whatever your story is. 

I am Feeding You From My Heart: Manifesto of Action on Spiritual Disturbance

A better term than haunting is "spiritual disturbance". I am writing this advice for you if you are in the same position as I have known. It is a voice of experience sharing approaches of personally proven value, though I am not myself yet clear of spiritual disturbance. This is as much as I can share right now, and from my heart. In writing this I am honouring a spiritual view of voices audible in the mind being clairaudience of telepathic messages from the spirit world. I am writing about ways of dealing with what is called by alternative health sources a rare situation of spirit intrusion, when intelligent and powerful spirit parts of deceased people come into the part of the self that is the personal creative space enclosure that is the human "aura".

Step One 
Don't befriend the speaking entities. 
If you believe you are really and truly talking to ghosts in your mind that are staying local to you in your aura space, resident with you, which in the vast majority of cases you don't consciously invite or approve of, don't befriend them. It's the last thing you wish to do for them to strengthen any emotional attachment to Earth and addiction to Earth life. Be a friend to their higher good if you can, hold good will for them like God does, but I recommend never being a "friendly friend" to them. You can be gracious, but you must meet them firmly. They are feeding from your own life force when they don't have to and going against a number of spiritual laws. Also, for many reasons, it is likely that they are not going to be a friend to you, and their goal may primarily be just to survive and avoid God and responsibility out of fear. They are there to take advantage of conditions they mistakenly believe they need for life. It does not serve to be personally friendly with them in thought, word or deed, when their rightful place is far away from Earth and its people, they belong with the intelligent Light of Lights that is God in the higher spirit world going on with their lives. Do what you have to to get them out of your personal space and to protect yourself from them. It's the same rule you follow in the company of a hungry tiger. Recognise the ghost entities for what they are and be aware. There are better friends out there to know. 

Step Two
Ignore the speaking entities
This step is similar to the first step. It is borrowed from a really helpful teaching found on the website www.MichaelTeachings.com on a page called "Thought forms and dark entities: how to get rid of them". This teaches that when there are ghosts attaching to a person and speaking to their mind, the effect is like OCD and the proper treatment response is similar. Acknowledge the extra sensory perception for what it is and do nothing in response but ignore it, and then the attached souls will usually fall away and drift off for want of attention.  
This can be done. I find that my attachments have been quite deeply imbedded, hard to avoid conversing with mentally. I have recently been benefiting from repeating "Not worthy. Not worthy. Not worthy of my holy attention." as a way of unhooking myself from any arguments with them over low words. Not everything that goes through a person's mind is worth paying attention to, and even more so for someone with unhappy, unfriendly, frightened or lonely spirits talking to their mind. Again, their home is not with mortals, and your time on Earth living in health is very dear: help God by doing what you can to shake them off. Acknowledge perceptions and ignore them as far as humanly possible.
Step Three 
Be assertive of your rights. 
Most resident souls I think have understanding that they have died. These discarnate human spirit beings may not be fully lucid. It helps to remember that they are basically afraid and confused and upset. They may not always appreciate that you are real, similar to how we being schooled in scientific thinking doubt them. However, these souls, in my experience are often exploiting and abusing human beings with some understanding of what they are doing with them. You have to have appreciation for your spiritual rights, that are on a similar or higher wavelength of a solemn oath made with God. To move them out you must have faith in your rights stronger than their mass beliefs in their spirit world about their superiority to Earth people and any ideas they have justifying disrespectful treatment - which they formulate and hold as an attempt at understanding their strange situation. Your spiritual integrity as a single and private and free being is sacrosanct, you must affirm and assert this as far as humanly possible. Know and believe that you are a free being with power and holy rights with God. It is way, way, way far off Divine intention that you are suffering any sentient spiritual intrusion. It's just not meant to be, though in the free will universe it can occur as a transient state.  It is from the discarnate souls' dependent will and their poor understanding of their condition, it does not reflect universal order and Divine will, and as such it cannot abide. It may also be summoned by a place within the self inviting transformation and healing. Have faith that this Life state of undesirable community can fall away from you.  

Step Four
Live for others and the greater good
It seems the lower spirit world entities will only be with someone who has somehow a similarity with them, and they can only enter a being who is spiritually very vulnerable in terms of weakened or damaged auric containment, or also enter someone who is at like low vibration as the ones intending to enter. Vulnerability of aura can come about in a number of ways. 
In my experience the lower spirit world inhabitants who are still human souls habitually hold  lower mind qualities that we call meanness, malevolence, anger, unkindness, lower than commonly found on Earth. Now, everyone has a higher and a lower within, that's the way the world is. If you wish to move out of spiritual disturbance there is a path not through fighting whatever adversary presents itself, not in arguing or even offering them good advice, good news or healing, which goodness for me has been a wasted effort and made wasted years: the path is to do what they do not do, what they hate, what they cannot sustain or be around: live for others with a generous heart, love entirely without thought of self. Effort for the good of all.  Remember that everyone can do something for the world that is good with relative ease, that would require God or Heaven to work a major miracle to do, because we are in physical form, whereas those ones are all spirits. We are the hands of God and Heaven and the angels on Earth and can do great things! 
Purify your mind through healing your emotions and changing your way of life so that you are living at the highest level. If like me you've tried healing, you've tried encouraging them to go, take this step, it will transform your life. It's part of the process of spiritual alchemy and it is the meaning of waking up in Earth. Life itself has been called change, so allow yourself to join in! There are others who are also consciously in this process, we are as a 'yeast' of light in the world increasing its spiritual radiance and all good. 

Step Five 
Go your own way with God as your guide
Trust your own heart first in what you are living more than any other. In a predominantly secular culture, with an atheistic scientific perspective, we who hear spirit voices, who are naturally like mediums, go unrecognised and uncelebrated or even dismissed and unnecessarily medicated. Who are you making the authority in your life? Don't hand your body and mind over to another, not even a trained doctor called an expert. Modern Western scientific psychology is only about 140 years old, partially helpful, and incomplete; it is a juvenile science and one-sided, being based strictly in a materialist position.
Some humans of Earth used to think our sun orbited the planet; mass views can be false and change wholesale. I look forward to a time when, for example, Tibetan Buddhist masters are consulted for their expertise generated from many hundreds of years of careful psychological study, or indigenous shamanic healing practitioners of longstanding tradition are asked for advice in psychiatry. I don't think those days are far away. Really though, no one has a monopoly on truth, no one. God speaks to each from a home within every human heart. So, love the God that is manifesting as your doctor, but only be devoted to the truth that the God within you is speaking. We may have reasons to be angry, let's just change the culture instead, and do so in the best way. I stand up for the tradition of spirituality down the ages that gives total credence to the human ability to know more with the mind than the physical senses alone give. Mental voices can be objectively real in origin. 

Step Six
It's okay to let go. 
Know that you are more than you seem to be. You are an indestructible being. Let yourself be more than body-mind self. Be the cloud of your aura, bright and colourful. Be the vision of paradise in your mind that you can be with at will. In truth you are the highest energy that exists in Life, and you go beyond the world in your whole soul and are communing with God. There is something about everyone that exists that is beyond any danger or storm the world brings. That place of being is also only good, only loving. It is not true that you are fallen if you have gone astray and got caught in lower energies, you have had an Earthly setback fully subject to correction and balancing. Who you are is eternally great, good and loved. Perhaps you don't see this in the Life you know, but surely this is truth. First you believe, then you find your way, then you know it all, with all saints and masters since forever and for all time. Where are you? We can know Heaven and live with Heaven on Earth.  

Step Seven
Read, study, learn.  
Education, education, education. If you are reading this you have a taste of something that is beyond the common culture. It may be the universe is asking you to take part in your own healing, when you ask for a change in Life, you yourself may be a medium of that with a part to play.  Go to a spiritualist church and learn to close down psychic awareness or open it at will, find a good book on psychic development. Find a mentor in spiritual knowledge.  Surely if you are hearing voices it is naturally possible that you are awake as a psychic person, and you got that way without any special preparation; psychicness is normal! It is imperative for a person with really strong spiritual sensitivity to gain skills of self-safeguarding and energy management - for example slowing personal growth by closing chakras, or shielding the self with coloured light or mirrored surfaces around the aura. This is a call to wake up to the situation  that is there, because there are ways for you to help yourself, if you know them. In a world where people can be more or less spiritually sensitive, and where there is such a thing as creative subtle influence of mind - where we can affect each other, whether from when we are alive on Earth or afterwards, between lives - it may be important for an individual to combine awareness with skills or shared understanding on how to live in that world. Everyone is in a different 'place' in their experience; if it is meaningful to you to be safe and live in peace and harmony as a psychic, there are ways to do this, and be schooled in it.
After all that though, you may find that emotional healing and opening to love is your central tool for peace.

Step Eight 
Get help 
If you are stuck and in discomfort or afraid, reach out to another person and talk and ask for help as best you can. A friendly and wise priest, a trusted faith healer, an official medical figure, a family member or close friend - talk to someone and seek help. No-one is alone in truth, in truth everyone has friends. There are ways and means to remedy spiritual emergency related to spirit disturbance, whether that be some kind of talking therapy, even helpful medication or asylum refuge, all the way to the intervention of someone who has psychic sensitivity and more strength than you who cares and knows enough and can help. Not everyone called an exorcist is really going to be one (please watch out for dishonest people) - and even true exorcists might not be able to help you because of personal conditions and the readiness of a person to be healed. It makes no sense to stand in a corner like a boxer taking hits long-term, when there is something you can do about it. Do something positive, especially when you would like to be living on a happier path and time is passing. You can't always do everything alone, you have a very good chance if you join forces with another.  And if you don't succeed at first, keep going, keep looking, think cleverly, above all, keep looking for the right person to help you. Persistence is one of THE keys to success on Earth. Don't let the disturbed souls in a 'dream' fighting you and mocking your boundaries be the only ones persisting to act. There are people who know what to do about spiritual disturbance, which they don't do just through a gift of personal strength but by working with allies from higher realms of spirit who are strong and peaceful. Maybe your path is finding such allies, perhaps with training by an existing healer, I don't know. Or it is simply to join in this 'dance' of allowing a group action healing to occur. I believe in spiritual healing, I have known it, and can vouch for it. 

Step Nine 
Keep the faith
I know from their sayings to me that the host of Heaven are always supportive of me in my life in this world. They back us. I know in my heart that there is a greater truth about Life that is good. Call it what you will the intelligence of the Allness, I call it God, Love, Bliss, Friend. I have read that God always wishes you to be your best self in the greatest life story you can imagine for yourself. I have read that there is no cause of suffering in Life, only a cause of joy from the beginning of Creation. These are very old truths and also new truths. Part of being in health is keeping a positive mentality. Everywhere people are proclaiming good news about Life. If you look and listen, you will find a real abundance of good news, of reasons to be joyful. It comforts me to believe in a Higher Power above all others and sustaining all others that is guiding the existence I am in, and it comforts me to have hope in the plan God has for myself and all Life. Faith can be a great support and strength during any period of hardship. God is always calling us to full self-remembrance and knowledge of joy and to love one another.

Step Ten
Chill, baby
 Now it's time to put your philosophical hat on and take off your hat of worry. Your philosophical hat is large and loosely worn, stately, though comfortable. It suits you! (Don't bother with that other one too much.) 
Life challenges are not forever. Neither are they everything, or the point of Life. Life is in who you are when you are not looking at yourself. Life is in the way you feel when you are free from care. Life is asking you NOT TO STARE at the difficult stuff. Life is reminding you of the Essence and giving you a playful dig in the ribs. Look at this! Did you see it? Tell me you noticed the wonder, beauty and perfection of what is going on? You're part of it! You are the million mile wide sun and the billions years old Earth. You are as good as that hero, as fine as that brilliant mind, you are as strong as anyone who has ever lived! You go into every new day with the same luck and blessings as any one who has ever lived! There is a picture of you and it is as sweet as the eternal beauty of the ocean, the forest, the twilight, the smell of fresh air in the early morning, the profound majesty of whale or elephant. Do you get that you are adorable as any wonder of Creation? 
If it can change, it will. Picture your perfect life conditions and hold that. The answer is not always in poring over details trying to fix them within the limitations of all you know. God knows your prayers and what is good for you already, trust that all is working for your great happiness. 
Lastly, slow down. I know what it is to be busy in your mind and outwardly busy too. You can remedy this by taking breaks during the day, and going further than simple and shallow relaxation. Do more than rest in sleep, get conscious rest too - find ways to relax and rest during waking hours, for example through a "meditation" method. Such rest is highly rewarding and will replenish you more than what you ordinarily might consider relaxing (for example TV, chatting, music, intoxicants). If you don't rest you will be weaker; I commend you to pursue a deliberate deep relaxation method during the daytime. Meditation can be exactly like a medicine. Be able to let go of effort, relaxing the will and resting, and do so safely.  



That's all. I am feeding you from my heart's truth. I hope you will find something to digest and be fed by here. 
I am glad to be one voice of many, and many voices have given to me to bring me to this stage; there are yet further views to consider, too. 
I will put this post as a page here on the blog.  I hope that the people who come to this blog benefit from this page if it is relevant to them. I hope these steps give one or many "quantum leaps" in your life, readers! 
There must be more to say - I am not out of the woods yet, but I am sharing with you trustworthy ideas to help you on your way through the temporary life condition that is disturbance of human mind and being through the awareness of human spirits temporarily in lower evolution. For myself, I feel like I have really begun an alchemical process of change recently, I feel hope. I wish every reader hope, happiness and happy awakenings in your Life, in all ways that are best.  

Mr. S.

A Book On Telepathy and Psychic Sensitivity That Changed My Life

It was early on in my alternative health journey that I discovered a book called The Sensitive Person's Survival Guide: An Alternative Health Answer to Emotional Sensitivity & Depression by Kyra Mesich Psy.D. 

I had been hearing difficult voices inside and feeling reduced mental privacy and feeling a hostile influence on my thoughts for a few years, with no sure sense that this could really be real, as it seemed to be, which I understood was contrary to medical opinion. Dr Mesich's book documents her own case of telepathic transference from another person on Earth. Here for the first time was a published account by a doctor of psychology convincingly documenting the factual nature of psychic sensitivity. Her book goes further and focuses on psychic empathy and using flower essences to establish proper psychic and mental boundaries.

To read this book gave me so much catharsis at the time - I think it was four years after onset of opening and illness - so much so that I immediately wrote home to say that I had had a great healing. Really what had happened was that I had been made so happy and been so validated by the corroboration by this person's description of telepathy that the release of positive mental strength made me think I had almost recovered. The catharsis went away though, but I was still raised up by my new perspective on my inner life.  

The book is out there to read. It was published in the year 2000 by iUniverse. It can be bought from Amazon and other places online. 

The Sensitive Person's Survival Guide helped me believe in the possibility that it was real for me not to be a discrete entity with a separate mind, but part of a connected spiritual universe which I could sense and be influenced by mentally. 

Flower essences didn’t use to noticeably help me, but now when I take them I feel something, a slight stimulating action around my head, and hope that they are helping me change; I guess as they are vibrational medicine, you might have to be sensitive to energies for them to work. It would be the same with crystals. I am not hugely sensitive to crystals as some can be, but I truly believe they help me. I have seen a sparkle of golden healing light around one I was wearing for healing that told me it was good for me. The volcanic glass "obsidian" is supposed to serve to protect against negative outside influences, and the mineral "black tourmaline" is supposed to give a personal energetic shield to those who are holding it to defend them. I have found black tourmaline very grounding, so that keeping a big piece in my lap when sitting will restore my Earth connection and reduce the disturbing influence of spirits near me. I really love obsidian. There are others I know of, these are the most obvious aids for anyone who is particularly psychically vulnerable.

I have been directed to a so-called high vibration stone by the soul of my deceased father, for healing; I 'heard' him give me the name for it in my mind. You can search online for high vibration stones, and I think such stones would hold an Earth vibration that is higher than that of any interior conflict. When I hold them I feel a little stronger. I have to work with the ones my father recommended more, I would like to keep going with them. I love them, but I get a far more noticeable effect from the big pieces of obsidian I have. It is said obsidian must be used consciously. I think if you are spiritually troubled, obsidian would be one good place to start in looking for support from the mineral kingdom. To me it is symbolic of the intense heat and power of the Earth, and of the first qualities of being, and it somehow stabilises your natural order by virtue of its properties.   

To anyone who is looking for ways to heal from spiritual illness or who is looking to heal and transform their psychic sensitivity, I really recommend searching for high vibration minerals online and working with one or some of them. I like to sit in meditation with them holding them and focus on my Earth connection. 

A few times I have been directed to work with specific crystals by Heaven souls, so I know this is good for me, and may well help you too. 

One note about working with minerals and crystals: I was told by a healer that even a small piece is enough to connect with the energy of which the stone is a medium, but for me it seems to be that the bigger the mineral or crystal, the more I notice a change from it.  

Other ideas: I believe the healing energy of the Earth is always all around us, and feeding us life force all day every day of our lives. I think we don't technically need a  stone, because we are perpetually in an energy bath of all stones just by being on the Earth, if we only knew it. Just going outside is healing, and the Earth energy is alive and emanating within every home too.

The mineral kingdom has become much more popular in the last few decades. I think if we work with crystals and minerals it is very good to be grateful for them and to the Earth for the gift of them, and take care when gathering them from mines. It does us so much good to be mindful of our organic nature and connection to the Earth and to be grounded, and loving and working with crystals helps this. 

For every problem there is a corresponding solution. I write here of a book that helped my journey and was a landmark in my life, and I write here of one of the gifts that have come to me from the Universe to bring me healing. Maybe some of you people out there reading this have never heard of flower essences and might like to look into them for assistance in your spiritual evolution on Earth - there are many essences to choose from taken from the world's flowers and some who take them say they are truly helped. 

I think one thing that helps very much for someone who has opened to the spirit world and is having problems - whether that features mortal or discarnate negative psychic influence - is to get skills, to learn psychic development. There are many good books that can be bought and studied about becoming a skilled sensitive. The other thing is to work on your heart and your beliefs so that your life changes from the inside. And if you are having trouble shifting everything, get help from an expert spiritual healing practitioner. 

Lastly, thank you Dr Mesich for changing the course of my life.  

 

 

Change of Heart

Looking back through some old posts - I have been writing now for over ten years, which 'plots' a journey and is a good achievement - I notice a habit in my writing about the voices.


I was just reading in a book about the power of love to change lives, and about how love "does not judge or criticise." I have been heavily critical of the voices.

We have different ways of speaking about the same thing - we can be angry or generous, angry or patient, angry or kind. I would say anger is not itself an evil, it serves a purpose, but I read of it being called the poison of the world! That is, the first thing to look at and change in ourselves.

What do you call these voices? Given that spiritual scientists say it is possible to have intrusive spirit entities with us, and it is possible that these can influence our minds and being and be heard as interior voices. Given that the voice hearing experience can be based in reality, what do we call them? Naming can be a shaming and a cause of conflict - that's an archetypal human issue. We have options.

Secondly, how do you talk further in describing these voices? Mine are problematic to me, I find they are often opposing my wellbeing and sabotaging my mental strength. How do I describe them in themselves? They seem to come from a lower place than myself (or anyone I know) and are rarely in great calm and stability and normal generosity. As soon as you fix a description of someone, it is creative and begins to call forth a repetition of the pattern of its qualities. It matters what words you use to describe. If you hold a high thought, it creates a high reality in response - that's metaphysical truth of how the universe works. You can think high thoughts about the voice-beings - or about anyone.

I have been responding with criticism. Basically, getting angry with them for being harsh to me, from a place of expectation that they should understand to treat others better, just as I understand. Sometimes or quite often, when they choose their routine of deliberate hurting, I might get angry and use language choices that are harsh though seemingly appropriate to describe them. This is criticism that is not very helpful, effectively giving them back like for like (returning harshness). Praise heals a person and a relationship. It is actually going to save a situation and bring in change to look for ways to praise and leave off from criticising. Because what is happening? It is merely a moment where you have the moral high ground; in another moment, you probably might not be in the right. The idea of fairness driving the criticism I would call a kind of illusion.

You have to be very careful, I think, not to denigrate when you are angered by another, and not to label them when they do something repeatedly, because it perpetuates trouble and division and suffering. Good words change the world. That's not a new idea: I was reading about the two millennia old religion we call Zoroastrianism that has the motto to live by "Good thoughts, good words, good deeds" as a path of closeness to God.

I have to find ways to bring in peace, and I don't do that by choosing more dramatic language, more condemning language or more disrespectful language, neither do I do it by staying in what is quite volatile anger and emotion of disgust. Instead, I could be feeling patience, generosity, kindness. There are 'keys' to do this, for example the one I noticed about expectation - you can't expect everyone to have perfect moral understanding in every case (which is doing good without thought of reward and also neither doing deliberate harm nor retaliating to harms).

I understand better just recently about forgiveness and the humility it involves and how I can forgive.

Part of the problem is the Problem of Rest. If you can't move away from a social/ego threat you get worn down. It is a problem of spaciousness, having voices as I do, they are always there! People require conscious rest like they require air, food, water and love. My voices can be unloving. If I don't rest enough, which easily happens, eventually I will be unloving back. I will find a way to verbally retaliate or even intimidate somehow or criticise. This is not unique and personal to me, it is standard for anyone who does not have perfect power and control for some reason. Maybe you saw the behaviour at some stage growing up and took it on; maybe you are tired or hurt; maybe you have not reached maturity in years; maybe you didn't grow up in a utopia! I can give myself grace for that behaviour, though I would like to change it.

Recently I found that I can use ambient noise (a loud water fountain) and at the same time some quite loud music (music that is more 'neutral') and I can meditate with all that noise and get into some conscious restfulness and recharge myself. It helps because the sound is loud and more ambient. Still it's an effort to meditate and I don't like to do it every day. This method mostly stops me from hearing the interior voices, and then the mind naturally heals up a bit, which is great! Maybe you readers out there in Internetland with difficult interior voices could try this.

These days I don't call the ones talking into my brain 'devils' or demons or damned or infernal, I don't like to label them as wicked. I think those are old terms based on superstition and not psychologically literate. The ones I have known are not actual demonic beings at all, but human beings awaiting transformation by Divine Love.
I have read of them being called lower spirits, which can be useful, but even that can sound derogatory. I would advise against labelling them negative or hostile. I could call them "entities" - a common term for "uninvited auric residents" among spiritual healers - but it sounds too impersonal as they are still spirits of human beings (the ones I have had). I keep a journal, and when I write about them, I have been making myself call them venerable, out of new understanding and to bring balance. Venerable spirits! After the Buddhist tradition of seeing all life as venerable. You can. I am reschooling myself not to retaliate - part of that involves respect.

It is worth closing with a Buddhist teaching "The Five Methods for Removing Annoyance". This shares how we can hold goodwill, compassion and 'onlooking equanimity' towards those who might annoy us, while ignoring them where possible and affirming that the venerable being in question has responsibility for the effects of their choices. Doing all that we come from a high level. I have been helped a lot by this.


I hope you have benefited from this post. I am growing and beginning to see better ways of relating to the human beings I am aware of in Spirit. I see now that love is part of the release process; I think anything other than love will only bind you closer.

Day of Silence: A Personal Breakthrough

I hope to keep the memory of the 17 April from now on as a special day for me when I had much inner peace. Something happened on that day in this year 2020, that has really never happened to me before. 


As someone who has had psychic intrusion and inner chatter and interior adversaries, I can tell you that I find it difficult to achieve inner peace, spaciousness and calm and conscious rest, because of having a busy mind. 


Well, I am happy to write, for perhaps the first time in my Life, I felt a great mental silence and peace. I went deeper into peace than at any time in twenty years of having constrained mentality.

I can't say exactly why. I had meditated very well in the morning of that day. Something very unusual happened during the meditation. My mind was wandering, as minds can do, and I was thinking about being like a monk in my own way - having an understanding of the world and a pure heart too. At once, I noticed a visitation of a real monk, a spirit who was obviously good. So obviously good that, I noticed, his mind was emanating only silence and a closeness with God! It was very obvious to me that he was conscious and perfectly quiet and peaceful inside. He seemed serious but good. Perhaps he had lived an amazing life Earth as a monk keeping a vow of silence and had found God. He was quickly gone again, this presence took about a second and a half. I have not had this happen before, it was a very clear visitation. 

Now comes the interesting part, because I left to go and take a walk and soon found that my mind was for the first time in great stillness, which to me was like a state of grace. - Was this a blessing from God and the monk? 
I had inner peace: I had a strange kind of silence that was somehow also a mental state of that was pleasing and peaceful. I also had a sense of emotional health and emotional stability and strong dignity. I was still getting some pushes and voices from lower spirits focussing on me, but a lot less than usual, and I was just in a wonderful place in mind and feeling. 

I was walking down by the river near where I live. I had taken a folding stool, I intended to go to a quiet spot which is like a little bay under trees by the river. As soon as I got there it occurred to me that the universe was very large and present to me. I set down my stool and meditated again. I took my time there. I enjoyed again the deep peace! It is early summer here now and the weather was good and sunny. I watched the reflection of sunlight from the moving river surface lighting up the tree branches above the river, the reflected light also moved in the trees as the river flowed. People came briefly and went again as I sat quietly beneath the shade of a tree, listening to the sound of birds exchanging back and forth near me from their places in the trees around where I was. 
I had a bit of turbulence with spirits around me wishing to converse with my mind a little, but held my own. It seemed that Jesus, who I pray to, also came near me there looking after me. 
Before I left I made sure I gave thanks to have known this place at that time.

When I walked home again, on the way I felt Mary was there too, pleased with me -  I pray to her as well and feel close to her. What was actually said was that I deserved a crown in Heaven. I reserve the right to repeat those words and I share this because I think it is good to celebrate that we are celebrated for our good choices on Earth. It must be part of Life. I am also pleased with myself that I received that message and share the fact comfortably within the context of an anonymous web log. It was part of this good day. 

Also on the walk I was temporarily carrying a great fear that was not wholly natural to me but being actively stimulated by interior adversaries; I offered the fear to God's healing and felt a small moment of pure comfort and felt reassured that God had taken it away. That is a rare thing to happen to me. 

I would like to repeat that on this day there were highly valued sensations that I had not really had ever before, it was a day marked with great peace. Bearing in mind this was a medicine to someone who usually feels constrained in restfulness. I wish anyone the same good feelings, so keep up your positive thinking and positive choices and meditation.

Lastly, I would like to remember the words of one Master Isaac of Syria, who was a 7th century Christian bishop and saint, who gave the message that doing evil is like throwing sand at the sea:

"A handful of sand, thrown into the sea, is what sinning is, when compared to God’s Providence and mercy. Just like an abundant source of water is not impeded by a handful of dust, so is the Creator’s mercy not defeated by the sins of His creations."

Significantly, God is always way bigger than any of us and any evil any of us may choose to effect. That rings true to me and is a nice comfort. Whatever is opposing your wellbeing is a small force of fear in the larger picture of Life and who you are. But still, pray for peace for all.


So, that was my Day of Silence. It is a great thing to come to me, I am happy for it and I hope it is a sign that there are more good things to come. I guess you have to be open to the unexpected good of Life, because it surely comes! In other words, expect good things from Life, and be open to them coming to you.

I think that that day's events show progress that I have earned through repeated good choices and it is also the fruit of a group effort, of all the souls in Heaven who I ask to help me, whether angels or saints or spirit guides or any of the host of Heaven, and good will from anywhere on Earth or existence - and from Divine will and Love; I believe my own efforts brought me this high point, and I believe that all such high points in my Life are in some way the result of a group effort, and I am grateful. 


Wishing you magnificent peace and happiness, 


Mr. S.

Divine Intervention, Divine Non-intervention: A Loving Invitation to Serve Yourself

I do a lot of thinking and a lot of reading and processing of information and I think that this blog is a good way to share the fruits of that regarding this human experience of hearing voices and feeling force of will that are identified as problematic and originating in the non-physical Spirit world. I am glad to be able to help others by sharing here - very glad! I still assert and declare the reality of the possibility of hearing voices from non-physical spirit beings or a Deity; we are multi-dimensional beings. 

Sharing information is one way of finding a way out of difficulty. Another way is for us to help each other. Another way is to call on the Spiritual Higher Power, "God", and the high spiritual agents of that Power for help. Another way is for us to help ourselves. Today, I am thinking that sometimes God is not helping us directly as we might like - either we are not open to it or God prefers to let us find our own way. Personally I am still making sense of the 'metaphysical' teachings in the world, however I believe that God likes you to be responsible for your own welfare as well, will make you do work that strengthens your spirit and will not give you everything you ask for if it is not for your higher good. But take care making your own mind up.

I like to stop and give thanks to God periodically during the day as a way of affirming to myself that Divine will is working in my Life.
Here is my prayer:

Thank you God that your plan of peace, healing, harmony and happiness is working for me and all of Life.

I pray this a few times a day and it helps settle me down if I am feeling some stress or pressure, I get peace from it. 


I do believe the Divine will is always supporting us and working for us; I believe we may need to receive the love of God as it manifests in this way, and such a prayer as the one above here helps one to be open and remember that we are not alone in Life.

It's like Saint Padre Pio said, "Pray, hope and don't worry." 
It's good when there are trials or challenges to stop, take breathing spaces during the day and give thanks like this, I recommend it. It gives peace and draws to you positive changes. 

For me, the transformation to the health of being I am wishing for is not an instant process, and if God made that happen straight away, it would be a full miraculous intervention! The healing of my Life must be proceeding according to spiritual law, and it must be that I can help myself or someone else can help me. In other words there are things I can do to help myself with spirit intrusion. 

I have tried a few times to have spiritual healing help from others and not been entirely successful so far. But I think part of the recipe for healthy living on my path is to find my own strength and ways to live in peace and harmony. This my mean doing my own energy work, and doing what I can to work on myself.

Does God give you everything on a plate? I guess not, in this respect. It must be for the best, and there must be other answers for you. 

Music Page of Diagnosis Schizophrenia Blog Is Back!

I enjoy sharing my music with you. I had taken down the music page in 2017 after having been in hospital and being nervous about my music being online (because of anxiety about exposed voice). I have put up an old piece that has not been on the Music page before and one that has, called 'Twas Dark and Stormy, that I really like. I made these pieces about eleven years ago, during a busy four year music-making phase. I left it alone for a few years and started again after completing the first stages of recovery from my 2017 breakdown, and I have really got into it. I have made many pieces in the last two years and progressed a lot from how I used to compose, and I'd like to put up some more music here for you all.

Check it out!

Progress Report Very Good Long General Post On Spirit Attachment/Haunting

I am not 100% sure that my inner conversations with spirits in lower state are really objectively real. I certainly believe it is possible for a person to be haunted and talk to spirits they can't see, who are there all the time.

My "attaching spirits" came when I was in psychiatric hospital. I was in distress, afraid of another patient and I felt a watermelon sized orb 'jump' from that patient into my aura area. After that time I heard a voice of the same ethnicity as that patient who had been near me.

There are other signs, such as, I knew the full name of that patient, and the spirit has the same given name and family name (information I have picked up over the years of attaching).

In the first year I was as if in a dream and accepted the haunting soul as a friend... Bear in mind I had just had a breakdown. Then after that first year, he turned malicious for a reason unknown to me and began to bully me with harsh language.

That was nearly twelve years ago that I was in hospital and this began.

I believe, as many spiritual healers do, that it is possible for people to pick up these orb-souls who are themselves attached to the things of Earth life (in the case of my attachee, cannabis and sexual congress) and who may be afraid to go on (he had committed a crime) and who may or may not be someone with a history that has led them to choose to be psychologically violent (as my attaching ones are). 

At present I have this long-standing spirit and one other of two years' attachment and a third that changes completely every few months, as well as transient 'visitors' who come to add criticism or harassment. 

I read a long time ago that if these types of being come to you, there are probably three of them at once, and also they are able to come to you in moments of weakness like unconsciousness and after trauma (like for me, psychiatric breakdown).

I had in fact had the sensation of more distant, unidentifiable souls watching over my mind and pushing my thoughts around to hurt me in dark ways for some eight years previous to the intrusion at the hospital. This surveillance began after I recovered from psychotic breakdown in 1999 which was brought on by intensive cannabis smoking, starting after one month and progressing through a total of ten months of intensive use. Drugs, according to the spiritual community, of any kind, whether alcohol or cannabis up to the powerful hallucinogens, can weaken the aura's boundaries and make it permeable to spirit intrusion.

I write this to help others. I don't feel I am breaking any great taboo, because there are many who guide on this subject online, I only write from experience as well, adding what I have known.

I have quite a lot of insight on psychic conflict and dealing with abusive minds without much personal space or distance. It is a daily fight, but now I come to realise that if I fight to defend myself, whether in defending my sense of space inside or my sense of basic comfort, or my self-image, or what appears to be the truth or what is good - if I perform any of these apparently essential functions, I reinforce their reasons to attack and their illusions that lead them to aggression.

This may as well be arguing about the way the moon tastes with someone who thinks it is made of green cheese... I'd like to open up a little door here, and say that all of this is a simple extension of the belief in the persistence of life beyond death, which journey most souls make in a simple fashion, while others after dying seek to stay near Earth out of fear of the Life beyond or confusion as to what happened at death, or out of 'attachment' to Earthly things. Some may have had little spiritual belief or have been less conscientious in Life and so gravitate backwards after their reality suddenly expands at death.

Dying is one thing, it is said that after dying there is a grand spiritual experience, like an encounter with Grace in full. So no need to worry about that. But there is also choice over what happens then. Spirits (people liberated from mortal form) either go up to further evolution or cling to Earth. I believe in universal salvation, so all of Life keeps on moving and changing and growing and becoming brighter and warmer. Every soul finds its way Home. Not a home that exists on Earth somewhere down your street, but a world more perfect and beautiful and joyful that is eternal. Everything changes.

Do I need to write anything about Deity, that is all-powerful and great and good? I believe in a Deity, and would like to know that One better. It is said God's nature is bliss that could be described as like a million pleasures at once, and that God is Love so great that He gave HIs son Jesus to us on Earth knowing that soul was so great he would be killed for that greatness.

What is God's will in haunting, which can seem so confusing? I have to believe that universally, God fully prefers mortal people to be undisturbed by Earthbound spirits. There are complexities of metaphysical explanations as to what is going on, but I think we are guided to health and happiness in Life when there are such conditions. We are not left abandoned to the situation. 

Why can I hear intelligent-sounding voices in my brain that have no obvious immediate  physical origin? Astounding. It is called being psychic, in these times. In other words, it is a human faculty to hear the voices of gods and ghosts - we can know Spirit. (Some traditions call Deity "Spirit"). Extra-sensory perception is actually spiritual perception, knowing of a spiritual reality beyond that dense world of the five senses.

In this way, haunting shows us our sensitivity as we are aware of a world beyond that otherwise known.

I have written enough here for now. Thank you for reading, and be safe!

  

    

What Do You Do When Your Natural Psychic Defences Are Compromised?

I have been reading about a battle that has been going on for ages on Earth between light and dark. There are spiritual beings that act to harm humans incarnate on Earth. I now call those spiritual beings "lower astral entities".

I have been given a lifetime where I am coming into awareness as sharing the space I am in with some of these lower astral entities. Sometimes they present just as human consciousness entities - and sometimes they present as malevolent human consciousness entities bringing significant life resistance.

People are supposed to have natural spiritual protection in the form of the "aura", which is a kind of soul organ surrounding the body in a large egg-shape with different layers and functions. Sometimes the strong outer membrane of the aura becomes compromised, and a person may then be subject to disturbance by lower entities or energies.

There are a few books out there on psychic protection, and many webpages given to psychic protection and keeping safe regarding what belongs to the spirit reality - but, the big question is, what are you supposed to do when your psychic protection is compromised, you are open, and you have spiritual intrusion?

I think it comes down to a few things. For me, this is a "work in progress", I have not recovered my health yet.
You can try shamanic healing for "extraction" work to remove intrusive entities as an intervention.
You can try aura work from spiritual healers to repair the aura.
You can get spiritual development (for example at a spiritualist church) to learn how to close down your psychic perception and not be open all the time.
You can stay "grounded" in the Earth energy, and in your body awareness.
You can practice spiritual hygiene by staying away from hospitals, cemeteries, mortuaries and churches, and keep away from recreational or psychedelic drugs (as drugs can harm the aura and open you).
You can look at healing your conscious and subconscious self and keeping your emotions and awareness bright and happy, and love your way into evolving through shadow places in your life experience.
You can take care what you think about, so that you increase that which you love and not that which  makes you unhappy (according to metaphysical laws). Focus on bringing good into your Life, avoid worrying about health.
You can not waste your energy by loving intruding entities or counselling them in what is good - if it doesn't help in the beginning, stop.
You can take care not to befriend entities occupying space in your conscious awareness, even if you feel like they deserve to be treated with respect (they may be changeable in temperament, like mine, but do not trust them to be your friends).
You can go through exorcism through traditional religious routes (but those faith leaders may have less esoteric knowledge of what is troubling you spiritually and how to overcome it).


If you see a faith healer/spiritual healer, exercise caution in who you choose.
Some may be lying about what they can do for money or power or respect.
Some may believe they can help when they are deluded.
Some may say they can help when they can't because they don't have the knowledge or practical experience.
Some will know how to help and will do so.

Beware of people who say they are healers but say they have no psychic awareness.
Beware of paying a lot of money for a healing or courses of healing.
Beware of what seems like a "magic fix" and instant miracle cure.
I would also say that remote entity release is something to beware of.

Also, last year I saw a healer who was set up to work as a professional shamanic practitioner offering to perform spirit release, and I came away with an extra spirit consciousness entity attaching with me! It  must have been that she was more of a beginner on her path, and unaware that she herself had entities near her, perhaps a few.

Anyway, enough scary ideas, but there are many writers out there on the internet talking about spiritual intrusion and spirit release. This would be a spiritual health issue. This issue has also gained attention of psychologists (eg Dr. William Baldwin), who have used hypnosis to communicate with attaching entities and then release them to the Light. I also saw a Youtube video which featured the testimony of an anonymous American hospital psychiatrist who was scientifically convinced that he had patients having objectively real communication with unseen consciousness entities.
Of course, you can do your own research on this. I am open to questions in the comments section of this blog, which I can answer according to my personal life experience knowledge.

Good luck! And all blessings to you on your path of spiritual health, peace, Light and happiness.

Louis Wain: New Drawing in the New Drawings Section

I had been thinking of making a drawing for Louis Wain’s birthday, which is the fifth of August. Louis Wain was an artist and illustrator who lived from 1860 to 1939 who had some kind of brain condition that meant he moved further away from reality, while still maintaining the ability to create pictures. He drew cats! He must have loved them, because they were I think mainly what he drew. If you look him up there are lots of different images of cats to look at. A strange quirk of fate is that some scientists have lately even put his illness down to a toxic substance that comes from cat ‘excrement’.
Louis inspires me because he made great art works that are wonderful to look at while being mentally/neurally ‘atypical’. He spent a long time in hospital, many years, but continued with his drawing.

“Atypical”. It’s hard to talk about “illness” all the time. I recently realised schizophrenia comes from an underlying brain disorder, so really the way I am is the product of having an interesting brain, scientifically speaking. I still think I am a kind of hybrid of psychic and psychotic. Why not? And if you disagree, well, I’m happy seeming a bit eccentric to you. I recognise that I do get really ill sometimes, but otherwise believe I am spiritually oppressed.

For me it wasn’t feline food waste that made me sick, but cannabis. It changed my brain, mutated it! I have read statistics like this: don’t use cannabis while the brain is still developing, to be safe, which is under the age of 33. If you use cannabis more than about fifty times, you are in danger of developing schizophrenia. If you use cannabis you are six times more likely to get sick with schizophrenia, which tends to develop in about 1% of humans ordinarily. I worry about legalisation, for all the young who will get sick and struggle to come back and suffer, like I have and will. I didn’t know what I was getting into with the drug that cannabis has, and this health problem is very serious. And did you know about neuroplasticity too? Which means that the brain constantly strives to be healthy. And did you know that some people, a significantly large percentage who experience an episode of schizophrenia make a full recovery? It can’t be all bad. I hope to get a lot better and a lot better integrated socially, but I don’t know about being totally trouble free again, for myself. I wish for longevity, to complete this journey. But you don’t know! There’s a lot I would like to do, and I think it would be good to be an old man one day, although there are never any guarantees.

I have hope for psychology and psychiatry, they are making strides in scientific research into schizophrenia, but I still worry about pharmaceutical intervention, which often comes at a cost to our greater health. I don’t know how views of spiritism and those of reductionist science will ever come into balance and support each other; I hope they will, but I don’t yet imagine how they can.

So some science facts back there on cannabis and schizophrenia and the brain, but don’t just take my word for it, if you are curious, go and investigate for yourself, ask questions and look facts up online.

And back to Louis - please check out my new drawings page for an interesting sketch I just made of him including a copy of one of his ginger cats. I was so pleased I put it straight up, although I would like to have another go and put up another one for you all soon.

Have a nice day, and happy surfing of the web today.

Major Life Lesson: Heal Thyself

I have this idea: rather than search the world over for someone who is effective in helping me return to full health, I can help myself. I can find ways to get to full health myself.

I can get an education from books and study groups in areas related to spiritual health. I can do things to increase my well-being like getting out in Nature more and doing more to integrate myself socially.

I don’t have to pin all my hopes on someone who can facilitate spiritual healing. I have power. I can act to bring in more strength and joy. 

My Prognosis

I always feel I will resolve this... condition, this well-beingness condition to fullness of awareness of joy.

Recently a voice said “seven years”. I know my voices... this was a friendly trustworthy voice. (And the person meant seven years till I am back to strength in mind).

No more being insulted and challenged and argued with, irritated over and over.

Although I do very well, a part of me is sometimes sore, and tired.

I had been thinking “eighteen more years”, that is another eighteen more years to clear through all the personal growth issues involved in what I see is a great spiritual trauma.

I actually embrace this, on the grounds that I will “bring back gifts” to the world when I return to health. There is a way in which the journey will be worthwhile.

The self grows stronger all the time. Just as the deeper sense is that the suffering is unnecessary and not a neurological disorder.


Good luck from my heart to you on your journey, each of you on a like path.

New post

Hi readers,


I am still checking up on the blog now and then to review stats and comments. You can get in touch with me here if you are interested, and we can exchange views in the comments section.

I think the blog is interesting - I have written so much, and my views have evolved over time, to the extent that I could go back and edit what I have written, but I would like to let it stand as it is as a testament for examination and your information.

I have really enjoyed sharing with you all here, and I could write more. Last year I stopped clozapine,  having tapered off, but without ‘staggering’ the dose... [by tapering, I mean reducing over months, by staggering I mean for example missing one day’s dose in week one, two of the days from week two, and so on until there is just one dose in week seven and then stop, to ease the substance from the body with minimum risk of shock to the brain and withdrawal crisis].  Result: within three days a withdrawal psychosis began, then hospitalisation for three months, when I was very far out. I can’t help thinking the psychiatrist didn’t know what she was doing. And that clozapine gives, I suggest, a worse discontinuation syndrome than less effective medications. I actually got worse for about five weeks in hospital while being put back on an antipsychotic, which was Abilify, because I guess the after effects of ceasing clozapine were still grinding to a halt
It then took another six months to get back to normal after being in hospital. To cut a long story short, I showed some manic traits during the psychotic episode, was prescribed a medicine (sodium valproate) for that under the new diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder; because the medicine made me lose hair and hurt my virility and it can cause sterility in men, I persuaded the psychiatrist I was under to stop it, again tapering and not staggering (!!) and had a pretty serious second psychotic episode, like an aftershock to an earthquake, which lasted maybe two and a half months.

I feel like now I have a new start, I have changed and grown, I am stronger.

Medicine is currently Abilify and an antidepressant, which is fine, it works well, though the antidepressant has some side effects and I look forward to stopping it in two months. (It is recommended to take them at minimum for six to nine months after initial prescription).

So I could write more about that ten month journey, to tell the tale.

I have enjoyed writing on this blog and love the outlet it has given me and that it serves you the readers out there in internetland. I really recommend blogging as a way of connecting with others in a meaningful way and releasing the self in a constructive manner.
Perhaps I have written enough on my pet subjects of the paranormal spiritual as it overlaps with paranoid schizophrenia, and how there is a confusion and contradiction between science and religion.
I would still like to share my drawings with you, and music too. This would be good.

So, from Mr S, and the diagnosis schizophrenia blog (or should that be “diagnosis schizoaffective disorder blog”??!), goodbye for now. 

Update

Hi everyone,


I have decided to see if I am better off without my anti-psychotics. The medicines do not get rid of the main symptoms, and I think the symptoms will still be there if I come off the medicines. I also think that I will be better off relative to medicine sized effects of extra appetite and sleeping a very long time every day.

Just an update, I did not have much to say for a long time. The clozaril I take every day does not do what its supposed to do, sadly. I can't say whether it would work for others, but it is a disappointment for me. I have been on clozaril for three years without improvement.


Blessings to everyone of you out there.

More On Telepathy

I have read online somewhere that the cells in the brain that are responsible for telepathy are the ends of the neurons, called "dendrites". I think these areas are activated in people who report telepathic awareness. In my case there was a psychic denuding, experiencing a sense of mental nudity, but I think things went further, so that there was a raising of awareness, becoming more actively telepathic, and that there was some damage done also to this part of me, leaving uncomfortable openness and spiritual vulnerability. That's what I think: I opened and opened and opened until I broke my mind. It is in this damaged inner space that angry spirits intrude and can successfully exert some dominating force (possessing my thinking). Things are broken in there, to my disadvantage. And these souls also will direct malevolence to other people through my telepathic power. And God doesn't stop them. (I stop them by not watching much TV or going to theatre, concerts and so on). God doesn't stop them. It's God's wisdom that puts individual freedom ahead of group well-being. Freedom is more important; every free moment is a moment for self-discovery, meaning that God does not step in and therefore deny to the unquiet souls the opportunity to consciously become salvation-minded  

But it hurts!

Why... how can I describe the last thirteen years of mental struggle and slow evolution? The first point is that those who go before have gained knowledge that can ease the paths of those who follow. That's a great thing. To one day help someone progress past obstacles and avoid unnecessary suffering.

Interesting that a description of this journey also means tackling referring to the world of Spirit, and referring to being mistreated by 'demonic' spirits. All the time "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", healing goes on and one day there won't be room for intruders to come in and cause upset.

By the way, well done for getting past the bit about broadcasting telepathy, if you got past it!! I know this is a topic vulnerable to skepticism, but it's something that happens. The condition here can be summed up as "telepathic openness in connection with demonic beings". This is the point which my sanity hangs on!! I have a joke that if you don't ask me about ESP or demons, then I am just as normal as anyone else. Actually this is like a religious belief that someone else does not share, an irreconcilable difference in belief that is respectfully overcome by tolerance. That's it. Being psychically active and not in immediate harmony with the spirit world we now encounter is the diagnosis. 

I prayed just a moment ago, thinking of the Virgin Mary, and I heard a female voice comment that I was sending out a wish to be met by Mary's white light (the auric energy of white light, which is God's 'colour', God's energy).  I often pray to her, but never thought about her light. The Virgin Mary is a very serious intercessor for each of us. She will always care for those who look to her for help.There is a kind of conflict going on in my mind, with the others taking delight in injury - they are unquiet souls, emotionally out of touch with God's nature, and finding more happiness in being full of hate. 

Another "hearing", from my (deceased) father, said to a spirit nearby (an unhappy wanderer), may be what you wish to read: "We ask of you the same that we ask of [...me, Mr S]: that you are not submissive". This is the key, then. Even if we cannot beat them in force, we can find peace and detachment and godliness in refusing to feel small and worthless. We are worthy of honour. We are part of a living Universe whose power transcends all conflicts. We need not feel afraid. This is a very important point. Essentially, it means that we should peacefully be aware of our dignity in the presence of an opposing force. Not to cower or beg; not to rage or injure, but assert that you and your well-being matter. To meet psychological attack with a higher awareness. 

There is some good information in this . Why do some people have their psychology upside down? Why are they hateful? God didn't make them that way.

What an amazing thing it must be for the Heavenly ones to restrain themselves from adding to conflict no Earth, or restrain themselves too from taking away suffering when it is in God's wisdom for the suffering to continue.

Clozaril Update 30 November 2012

I am now post the six month mark, still on 350mg a day. Memory problems (that were quite significant) have improved and returned to normal. My disorderly speech has cleared up. - All this is really good.

I just started a new diet for myself, becoming sugar and alcohol free, which released a burst of activity and periods of really feeling uplifted and happy. I don't think this increased activity is due to the medicine working. I am losing weight, due to the diet change. I had risen up in weight quite a lot since starting clozaril, and am now starting to manage that. I don't do any formal exercise (but I walk a mile or two a few times a week). I don't wish to go to the gym until I have lost a lot of weight, to avoid stressing my body. I figured out that I was eating for an eight and a half day week! I had really been overtaken with sugar eating. It has not been too hard to throw off. I have been fairly permissive of fatty foods, and have been tending towards healthy eating. Perhaps I will cut down on high fat foods in the future. So far, I am on day 2 of week 2 of a three week diet. I had read that to make a change to habit requires 21 days of abstinence.

No obvious change to my mind. I am seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks, and I expect her to raise the clozaril. By the way, I have been put on a blood-pressure lowering medicine, as my blood pressure has been high since starting clozaril. Also Hyoscine Hyrdrobromide has not really been helpful with drooling, but I can stay happy by changing my pillow cases and through use of a waterproof pillow protector beneath the cover.

I have had low moods, - in October I mostly only played a computer game! - I played the same challenge over and over again. Doc said this to be expected due to family reunions and hospitalization. It felt like depression though - there were things to do, but I didn't have the strength to do them. I have stopped playing that game now, and I also have not.been very depressed. Actually, the last few days have been low for me - I think maybe my recent burst of activity coinciding with diet change was too much for me. (I have a history of ongoing fatigue from overwork, and if I do too much, I run out of energy.) Anyway, something I thought or did recently has made me feel low - but it is not the worst depression, and I expect it to blow over.

The government have asked me to attend an interview aimed at rehabilitation to work. Stress is a danger (risk of breakdown). Sleep is an obstacle (I can't rely on my ability to wake up at a certain time to do things). There are issues with the medicine, in that it could bring changes to my mind for up to a year after starting it (ie, I'm still in a major change phase, that could be disturbed by stress). I had been thinking about working, myself - to help the country during recession, - and in response to a celestial friend's voice saying that I am "swinging the lead" - an English phrase for avoiding work for a small reason. And let's not forget, mental illness itself can be like a job - but why not test the waters to see if I can do something? Work brings rewards of higher self-esteem, of a larger circle of friends - and more money to ease the way! At present, I think that part time work that feels comfortable would be a lifelong goal and ideal - full time I know to be too much. In the UK, I am allowed to earn a certain amount of money (nearly £100 a week) and to work for a certain length of time (2 days a week). The important thing is that I would enjoy the work and be comfortable with the workload. I don't know what I could do, though. There was a role for a dog-walker near where I live, but the advertisement requested applicants who drive; - perfect job for me (I love dogs), but I don't drive. It would be good to at least try something, and find out what I am capable of.

So that's it! Medicine has made me look at my diet to reverse weight gain, and I have made discoveries of extra happiness with a change of diet. Also next week I take a step towards paid work.. The following week I will see the psychiatrist who will probably raise the dose of clozaril, and it would be a very exciting thing if it helped me. So far, my mind is as it has been for years.

Good luck to you readers out there in Internet land, I wish you great good health. 

Clozaril Details: The Beginning

I emerged from hospital last week, after 5 weeks on Clozaril. There is not much to say, actually, because I have only had side effects so far and am not on a therapeutic dose yet, according to the doctor.

I have felt really tired, sleeping till the afternoon, sometimes feeling faint walking about (like my blood sugar levels were affected). I had high readings for blood pressure and pulse, but that only meant that they raised the clozaril dosage slowly to be more easily accepted. I had one "amber" result but it was only a very little way under the green barrier, so I was okay to keep taking the medicine.
I noticed it made my speech slurred and disordered - I really noticed it upsetting my communication. Also my memory was affected - I had trouble remembering if I had already told someone something, in conversation, or remembering if I had done something that had happened the day before.

The speech and memory problems are not so bad now. I am still having problems of feeling faint when walking around. Last night I slept from around 11:30pm to 4:45 pm today (over sixteen hours).

Also "drooling" while asleep. And wetting the bed once (about day 3) - which is a side effect, I was told.


So that's some detail on the medicine, which I have been told is "life changing", and a "wonder drug". It hasn't started working yet! But the doctor said I could carry on noticing change for up to a year after starting. At least I have got through the hospitalisation. I coped by going to the hospital cafe every day, and enjoying the sights of the surrounding hills. And reading and writing. And I made some good connections in there with staff and patients. It really reminded me how very ill I was when I was hospitalised before, in 2008, because no one there really seemed as ill when I was in last time.


So there you go! Clozaril: not so scary or difficult, and hope for change.

Popularity of Posts on Diagnosis Schizophrenia: My Drawings

In terms of written posts,. most people come here to find out about "psychic attack", and less come for my autobiography on living with psychic/spiritual attack and the blurred lines in my culture between mental suffering and being psychic or sick.

However, way more (twice the number) of people come to see my drawings, from my initial breakdown and from time since then - which is a BIG surprise! It is unexpected, and I really like that people are interested in the drawings. Those drawings (from the search item "schizophrenia drawings") are very unusual. First I was an ordinary person, capable but not overly interested in art, then I was in a borderline mental place and drawing with passion or rapture and bringing forth designs from the unconscious. These drawings I hold to be special; I have had two of them made into posters, that I framed and hung on my walls in my home, they have a special place in my life, and rise above being a symbol of illness.

For me, the main point here is that most people who come to my blog are looking for some manner of support to respond to psychic attack or spiritual warfare, perhaps also with an emphasis of being disorientated and supposed insane . In many parts of the world and among the general population, awareness of spiritual attack is obviously non-existent (and you might well know that this awareness may merely be manifested as utter skepticism), and where it does it exist, it is likely to be known as fact rather than experience, or be special knowledge held by a few or by knowing ones. Which is not surprising. Psychic attack is "a big deal", you can buy many books on "psychic protection" on Amazon now, for example, but this condition of experiencing psychic aggression in an everyday or pronounced way is, I suppose, quite or very marginal. If you are reading this, you are likely a skeptical scientist or a spiritually sensitive person. If you are here as a spiritually sensitive person, then good luck to you, it is not all bad, you must be in the grace of God and on  a path with many gifts and wonders in store! Peace be with you, whatever the reason why you are reading this.

I hope I have been some help in guiding spiritually sensitive people on Earth at this time who are coping with spiritual wounds and warfare. Perhaps it is coming to the end of the 'investigation', this parapsychologist writes, as I am hopefully about to go to hospital and be initiated into the "bunker-buster" of psychiatric medications, called Clozaril, which may shut down and heal any excessive sensitivity of mind that I have. But I expect to report on that attempted treatment too, as it is also worth writing about for the world.

Until next time, good luck, and happy reading. Remember, the truth is out there...