:( My family are pitiful-skeptical towards a lot of what I report of my paranormality, I think quietly taking it as "real for me" but not objectively accurate. I know why - they have heard me speaking of delusions in the past, so much that they have been conditioned by it, - once bitten, twice shy.
So much for the :( part.
I would like to have a close friend / partner, but I am not ready yet on an intellectual level. It is not contained. I have not reached a satisfying level of clarity about things. Maybe I'm getting there! This posting here really helps. I feel if I tried to explain things, I'd fail, or confuse, or worse suck a person into a deluded, frightened state. Worse still, try and explain a paranormal spiritual reality to an atheist! ['Atheist' is not a swear word; it's just that they would think me wildly insane... Ha ha! That's an irony. And not a nice feeling.]
There are things then I can't talk about or can't explain, and there are barriers of understanding that would prevent a 'non-believer' from getting close to me.
Just like it would be an admirable stretch for an atheist to truly respect me, the potential friend would have to be big-hearted enough to respect some bearing the diagnosis of having schizophrenia - and to trust them too. there's that old stereotype/ conundrum that everyone who has schizophrenia is supposed to spend their free time sharpening axes for personal use... Sorry, that is an example of a bad joke, in fact, because people commit murders - (that doesn't stop it from being made into films and TV shows for our 'entertainment' though). Rewind: people with schizophrenia have an enormous public image problem, because they are thought to be firstly probably violent and as a close second, of course, potential murderers. And check the facts and you see that we are a less violent minority, that you have in illness as someone with schizophrenia the same propensity to violence as when you were healthy.
The special person therefore would have to have a compassionate, loving stance towards the person with schizophrenia, and understand that this is a person with a profound mental illness that causes them to suffer - just not to be unnecessarily afraid of them.
Let's hope.
Wishing you all good,
Mr S
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