Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds Meds

(Meds = medication)


This was originally going to be a blog about demedicating, about coming off the anti-psychotic major tranquillisers. I believe they are called major tranquillisers. They have been in the newspapers recently as the "chemical cosh" for the elderly demented, as actually causing damage to the brain. I read too that they chiefly serve as an emotional sedative - they dull your feelings; the writer described them as potentially a way of pacifying difficult people for the benefit and ease of society at large. What do I think? I am concerned by the thought of brain damage. I read too that not everyone needs them - some do fine without them, provided, the research said, that they had certain personal strengths before becoming ill, such as independence. Plus there's the 'can of worms' that is the fact that the scientists don't know the brain well at this stage in history and cannot say exactly how the medicine works anyway. Understanding is developing.

I would rather not take medicine.

I have had a setback recently. I have reduced, with medical consent, the dosage of the anti-psychotic, but find that I am 'sleeping round the clock'. The reduction and the sleeping seem to be related, and it's a fairly intolerable state. We'll see what the answer is; I'd rather not increase the dosage again.


I have had a period before, before diagnosis, of being untreated and ill, and things were not so bad. There were no major hallucinations, only some delusions persisting from my dramatic first breakdown. I had got ill from abusing the illegal drug cannabis - once I stopped taking it, I stopped getting hallucinations. Then I took medicine, upon being correctly diagnosed, and this cleared up my delusions relatively quickly. I feel that without medicine, I would be stable ( as I was then), I would feel better and be more alert, and be more creative (yes please), and I would sleep less, and eat less. I think it will surprise everyone in my family. They are doubtful of any of this - to an aggravating extent.

I have got to the stage that I can handle the 'symptoms' I still have well enough - God knows (excuse me), God knows the medicine has not changed the so-called magical persecutory syndrome I have; the medicine has never changed the mental sensations of intrusion and being harassed. I feel that I would be better off without the medicine.

Do I really need the medicine?
I had a problem two years ago. I gradually started to lose a sense of reality, had a breakdown from stress and stopped taking my anti-psychotic medicine and quickly became very ill. Does this mean that without the medicine I am very psychotic, or does it mean that the brain suddenly deprived of a strong medicine to which it has become accustomed rapidly turns psychotic in its activity? I think the latter, and according to one of my doctors, it's what happens when you suddenly stop taking the medicine. You feel great, healthy, happy, then soon decay into a psychotic break. I thought at the time that the medicine was bad for me - when they readministered it in psychiatric hospital, I noticed it caused an increase in distressing thoughts; whatever the truth of that is, the medicine was clearly becoming less effective, one way or another, whether being impeded through my increasing stress or on its own becoming toxic or less effective. Worryingly, it showed me that stress can bring me down - but that's the same for everyone. I am told that no medicine can prevent a break when it's from stress. So what would happen if I was off medicine and had a break from stress? I guess I would become delusional and have hallucinations. That's not good; but I would rather watch my stress levels and not take medicine, for the benefits of being medication-free and because of the health I believe I would have without the medicine.
Actually, my first breakdown happened from cannabis-overuse (and my natural 'allergy' to it); my second breakdown happened from stopping taking the medicine suddenly. Remember, I felt healthy at one stage in the process of stopping taking my medicine suddenly. These are both unusual events; unless I use cannabis again to that degree or stop taking the medicine suddenly, I presume I will be well.

Fortunately all this is my choice. No one is making me take the medicine, and the doctor has approved(grudgingly, but approved) my reduction and cessation of medication. I live in the UK, which, for all the bad press it gets for its foreign policy and actions abroad, is a country with integrity, where no one gets 'disappeared' by the government. There is no death penalty. This is a place that has respect for my human rights, that is leading civilisation in the right direction. I have a vote when it is election time. I have freedom of speech. And I have the right to live without medication for a diagnosed mental illness. Thank God; because I have come to a place of stability and intellectual lucidity that I think allows me to live without anti-psychotic medication.

I'm fairly sure I will continue to suffer without the medication, since there will still be the spiritual reality I deal with. Strange. However, it may well be that in time I reach a point of strength and control that heals my relation to the spiritual reality. Until then, as I said, I can cope with the condition I have. I certainly do not expect that the 'attacking' syndrome will get worse. I expect to feel more powerful as an individual through increased emotional range and depth, to be more normal in my social capacity through feeling more relaxed and having more 'fertility of thought'. These other changes will make life easier, just as they make it better.

A load of conjecture? I don't know for sure what will happen, but I've given an explanation, and I expect that I will remain stable and be happier, on the whole. There have been no mental changes so far, through a halving of the dose of medicine I was on. Let's hope it all works. There will be more updates as things progress.