I wrote about the need to feel 'in grace', and the feeling of not being in grace. Being in someone's bad books - so much so that it's a chronic problem, manifesting like depression. It's like expressing yourself through a cloud of smog - the real you doesn't get through. You may feel:
- silly
- annoying
- stupid
- down
- submissive
- small
- weak
- hyper
"I hate you"
- "You don't know me well enough to hate me."
Psychologists among the readership here will understand what's meant by holding an image of someone else that's not accurate, that says more about the first person than the other, that they even attack. I remind you of something you dislike, so you attack me. At the end of the day, you may think I'm different to you in a way that irritates you. In fact, you may be grossly mistaken. In fact, you may, through the metaphysical laws ("Where thought goes, there energy follows") be changing me, be moulding me, be turning me into your personal monster and punchbag.
An ungrounded person is more malleable. An unshielded person is more open to disturbance.
Guess I should ground more. Kneel down, close my eyes and touch the ground reverently, and wish my energy to unify with the earth.
Everyone has a 'grounding cord' coming from the base of their spine that acts as a spiritual overflow, going deep into the earth. Sometimes this cord is not well-grounded; it can be visualised as a six-foot wide 'tree trunk' touching the heartcore of Earth for better energy diffusion and well-being - this is a spiritual technique.
'Shielding' is the effect that comes from visualising your 'aura' as being full of light/Light. It has the natural effect of repelling dark spiritual influences.
My mind is open, not private, and there is an audience there who does not like me, does not trust me, and does not know me, and I find it hard to express my natural dignity and true nature because of that and because of the spiritual attacks I get injuring me and undermining my self-esteem.
The opinion held of me is similar to the thought-force that attacks me, since injuring my self-esteem will make me feel small and weak.
But I try and think good thoughts. The Buddha said that good intentions bear fruit eventually and transform circumstances/ fortune. (And likewise with unloving intention).
Ten years of daily psychic attack. I hope I may be out of it in another ten years. Out of personal verbal abuse, psychological injury and personality oppression.
I don't really remember so well what things were like before this phase of life. Disturbance to my health began when I was eighteen, I'm thirty now, I'm hoping to come through this - I gain mastery all the time, though as if from 'the other end of the rope' - at this end of the rope, there is no change, I am always the focus of the same amount of hostile mental intrusion. But I gradually become more myself, more sociable, more spiritually knowing, more clear in intellect, more able in the external world of actions.
Phew! So my point here is that the mind of thoughts, and personality, are linked and both subject to change - and 'oppression' through psychic influence. This is not just a condition afflicting the thinking life, it affects the expression of my nature through my personality as well.
PS I'd say that most people at present do not know me as I am. I think my dad would have got a shock when he came to visit me after he died and 'saw' who I really am inside. My true self is not introverted but more extraverted, is a fluent speaker (linked to confidence), and like a 'light entertainment TV host'! Maybe that's my future! Watch out for me! I have a hard time expressing that quick-witted, funny, talkative and agreeable side, but it's who I am, it's who I will evolve to reveal myself to be. That's good. I know what it's like to feel healthy. I once saw a shamanic healer who removed all mental duress and restored my feelings of ease and spaciousness and natural warmth of personality. Do you have a feel for who I am? Sadly, running for the bus afterwards, travelling on a busy train and talking to my mother on the phone, combined with a return to accustomed patterns of thinking outside the shaman's presence served to undo these immediate effects of the healing within the course of an afternoon. But I still had that! I still experienced feeling and being healthy in mind! What a miracle. I even heard his helper spirits during the healing (all shamans work with good spirits); they said to me "You who give, you will receive, you shall be well"; - I had been thinking about how I am always giving, primarily through my fending off of the mental influence of hostile spirit-people.
"You shall be well"
You have to remember to have hope sometimes; you have to remember the love of God, and the way it feels to be loved by God; you have to have hope.
Good luck, good health and happiness to you. Or should I say Grace, good vibes, and good spiritual relations to you. It's all about feeling grace and being in harmony with the rest of the cosmos - even with our own selves ultimately, probably.
Signing off,
Yours
Mr S
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