Saturday 15 May 2010

My diagnosis

I am diagnosed with a psychotic condition - my psychiatrist didn't bother giving me more details. [I'm always having a go at my psychiatrist in my blog!] I have previously been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I thought I was being influenced by other people (mortal people); I had, I suppose, lost some of my soul power to the degree that I felt completely overwhelmed, and I was overwhelmed, although my thinking was paranoid. I suppose, too, that I was right in thinking that I was under a dark shadow that was making me feel abnormally bad, - bad in mood and bad about myself.

But, all that besides, I am quite comforted by the fact that my illness was induced by cannabis misuse (overuse). It feels like I don't really have proper schizophrenia, not like other people... I mean that this fact helps me dissociate from people who develop the illness naturally, thus causing me to feel less stigma - and also hope, that my illness will pass more easily.
I don't mean to distance myself from others who have schizophrenia in a spirit of rejection.


On a related note, what do I call what I have? I tend to call it 'my condition', rather than an illness, becuase I believe my symptoms are derived from a naturally occurring phenomenon, namely haunting.

Haunting is rare. Ghosts, I think, are not rare; neither are spirits who seek to injure the living. but there are more workers for Light than detractors seeking destruction and harm.
To get to my position, you have to have a) strong sensitivity, and b) strong vulnerability (both of which cannabis use and overuse may cause or trigger). I guess that combination, which will expose a person to spiritual threat and attract danger, is not common. Still, it happened to me. It may be with me for many years, but there are advantages for me -  I get stronger, and wiser.

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